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Thread: Why did the chicken cross the road?

  1. #1

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    The Theories:

    GEORGE W. BUSH I don't think I should have to answer that question.

    AL GORE I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

    RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

    PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

    RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road. And, I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

    JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
    "the other side."

    DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
    Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free
    to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
    told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

    BARBARA WALTERS Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of "crossing the road."

    JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

    ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability.

    SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
    justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

    CAPTAIN KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

    FOX MULDER (TV show character on X-files, about paranormal phenomenon like
    aliens, etc) You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

    FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook---and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

    EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What Do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

    LOUIS FARRAKHAN The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
    chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

    THE BIBLE And God came down from the heavens, and He said Unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." The chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

    COLONEL SANDERS I missed one?


    Thank you - good night!

    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

    [This message was edited by Marmalady on Oct 12, 2002 at 10:34 AM.]

  2. #2
    Senior Member Jeff's Avatar
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    That is hilarious!

    I didn't exactly like the shot at Reagan, who's suffering a tragic illness. But I appreciate the thought put into this work. Nicely done.

    ~See you at the SCIWire-used-to-be-paralyzed Reunion ~

    [This message was edited by Jeff on Oct 11, 2002 at 06:09 PM.]

  3. #3
    Jeff, I think Reagain was pretty oblivious even before the Alzheimers was diagnosed.

    Funny one, Marmalady. I needed a laugh today.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Jeff's Avatar
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    Well, Starlight

    Reagain or Rogain or anyone else might have been oblivious. But taking a shot at a beloved by many, former US President, suffering from a heart-breaking disease, doesn't add much to the entertainment value of this writing. If you were living with a grandparent you loved, who no longer knew you, and was having their life drained out a little more each day, I think you would have a different perspective.

    ~See you at the SCIWire-used-to-be-paralyzed Reunion ~

  5. #5
    Senior Member DA's Avatar
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    why did the chickensssssssssss cross the road?



    to get away from sci researchers trying to start 20 years of chicken
    sci research....

  6. #6
    Jeff, I'm sorry if you were offended. I'm sure you could take any one of the names mentioned, and some one would be offended.

    DA - ! Nice to see you right back in style, my friend!! Love it!

    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Jeff's Avatar
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    DA

    I think you make your point using humor much better than with outright attacks.

    Marmalady

    People in the public eye are fair game. Somehow, though, I just don't find a crippling, eventually fatal neurological condition to be very funny. I'd much rather see Reagan get jostled over the many controversial things he did as president than over his tragic illness.

    ~See you at the SCIWire-used-to-be-paralyzed Reunion ~

  8. #8
    Jeff, Please don't shoot the messenger. i'm removing his name.
    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  9. #9
    The anarchist:
    The chicken crossed the road because the chicken felt like crossing the road.

    The pedagogue:
    Wellll its hard to tell why the chicken crossed the road, but if the chicken felt like crossing the road, and the chicken did not get hurt during the crossing, it could be a valuable lesson for the chicken, in crossing the road.

    The democrat:
    The majority of the chicken said it should cross.

  10. #10

    Marmalady

    How dare you remove Reagan from the fun while at the same time insulting my old buddy Jerry Falwell! I am deeply offended and I think you owe Jerry an apology :> )

    Jeff, no offense but I think those of us like Marmalady and myself who have family members who also sustained brain injuries as well as SCI can say we have been in Nancy Reagan's shoes to a certain extent. And the ex president definitely is fair game about his policies while he was President and made no bones about HIS lack of compassion in these same areas. You might say that he was as bad or worse than Bush in some ways. Still, it is heartbreaking to see what he and his family are going through.

    Besides, everyone knows that the chicken crossed the road to get away from a chicken hawk.

    Russ Byrd

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