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Thread: How well do you cope

  1. #41
    Senior Member Erin81079's Avatar
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    UGhhhhhhh!! Sorry that I keep posting stuff, but what LindsayS said has me really thinking about this. If you were injured when you were 6 then I guess you don't have a lot in common with us other DAs. I bet you never rode a horse by yourself galloping through fields or went walking on the beach with your Sweetie Scott. You probably also never went Dancing at Prom on your own two feet. I thought it was kind of rude that you put that you don't have a lot in common with us, but truth is, you really don't. You didn't ever play soccer or sports on your feet or climb mountains while hiking without aid of another person or wheelchair. You probably also don't have too much of a memory to base things on because you didn't stand on your feet as long as we did. As for me and others that were injured later, we do have vivid memories to rely on. We did pee by ourselves and go #2 whenever we wanted to. I did for 22 years, not 6. There are just things that I have done that I miss horribly. Yes I can cope and be happy and giddy, but People who walked on there own two feet for longer than 6 years are naturally going to have a harder time adapting than you did. I am sure that you are Wonderful and probably the nicest peson to ever roll the Earth, but you just don't have all the memories that we do. You grew up having hobbies fit for people that are in wheelchairs, we didn't. You grew up in school in a wheelchair, we didn't. You don't have to run into old boyfriends and people you used to know when you walked. You probably also don't have friends and relatives that don't understand that you probably won't be getting out of this wheelchair for a VERY long time. My Grandmother thinks that my legs will wake up any minute as long as I pray 10 times a day and am hopeful and optimistic. People walk up to me all the time asking me when I will be able to walk again. I just tell them it will be sometime next month. You have developed relationships with people that have always known you in a wheelchair. We have not, or if we have (newly injured people) we haven't known them too long. So I say that it is wonderful that you are the bestest person ever to rank yourself a 20, but since you grew up this way, You will never be like the rest of us.

    I realize that I am sounding a bit harsh in the last two replies, and I really am not meaning to. I just believe that people that were injured so young do not compare to people that were injured later in life. We just have to adapt differently and there is so much more to deal with. My life has changed for the better since my accident, and I also believe that everything happens for a reason. But I think we have a right and are allowed to be sad and miss things that we used to do. We are also allowed to be hopeful for a cure without ONLY caring about just that. I never went through a depressing phase after my injury, nor do I think that I ever will since I am so newly injured. I haven't skipped a beat as far as my life is going so far. I just look at this as a detour of life. No I didn't expect it, but I think I am dealing with it amazingly well. So sorry if I sounded mean or bitter because I am the farthest thing from either.

    [This message was edited by Erin on Aug 21, 2002 at 02:21 AM.]

  2. #42

    Erin:

    I hope u were just having a bad day when u wrote those replies!

    First of all NOBODY no matter what kind of injury/disability that acquired or were born with is exempt from understanding and suffering the limitations. Also, I didnt know therr was a minimum age requirement to do those thing u posted about. ie: I was swiming since I was a baby... by 6 I was snorkleing (sp?). Dancing? Even a 3 year old kid can LOVE dancing, and so on. As for family members and friends, IMO it's MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE F$@!#&ng harder to handle with because of the simple reason of always being a "baby" to them till that recovery day. Remember, when u get injured life takes a total spin and changes right? Well, they went from raising and protecting their kid to taking care 24/7 (in some cases), protecting, knowing how vulnerable physically a SCI makes us, etc. Which IN MOST CASES, makes them forget the raising part. But, at your 22 years, u were already (i assume) an independent person, and, your family by then had acepted that. I bet that Lindsay had to fight and apply a great amount of psychology throughout her life to achieve her independence in spite of her family fears.
    As for people in general telling u to pray... EVERYONE has gone and will always go through that. U r forgetting that people in general don't always know your past, they just see the disability and, think that a well said rosary will fix YOU, not your cord or your brain, or your crushed knee, or whatever the disability is but, the person. That happens even to those who were born disabled, cause for those who can't understand what the problem is, will think that faith fixes all.

    Nobody here is like each other, there r no such things as the injured as a kid club, injured old club, c5 club, para club, quad club, etc. However, we all share one dream: A cure that can be available, wether we want it at that moment or not and, the most important thing that we r all here for is support, ideas, help and suggestions from other people who can relate to SCI, not age but situation.

    Good luck

    ...and the soul afraid of dyin'... That never learns to live...

  3. #43
    Senior Member Erin81079's Avatar
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    Nobody here is like each other, there r no such things as the injured as a kid club, injured old club, c5 club, para club, quad club, etc. However, we all share one dream: A cure that can be available, wether we want it at that moment or not and, the most important thing that we r all here for is support, ideas, help and suggestions from other people who can relate to SCI, not age but situation.

    Good luck
    Yes this is true Polett, there is no club for certain people etc. and we are all here to share ideas, fears, suggestions and glimmers of hope. Not ALL people here share the same dream of a cure. I know I do, but some are happy just the way that they are because they know no different. Yes you could swim and snorkel at 3 or 4, I could too. I also sang and danced and rode horses. BUT, I don't have vivid memories that haunt me still today of doing that stuff when I was little. Is it wrong to be hopeful of a cure? I get the feeling that Lindsay is saying so. I am happy and that will not change no matter if I am cured or not. Yes I can go on with life and live it to the fullest and I think that everyone that has SCI can achieve the same given their attitude. I was just venting that it seems to me that Lindsay has achieved some sort of Zen like state. Life is difficult no matter what kind of condition you are in. Life is a journey on an Interstate that is full of Construction and nasty potholes. Our journey however took a bad detour that some people don't have to take. I am sorry but we will always have it harder than ABs I don't care how wonderful you are and how well you have accepted it. People with Spinal cord Injury have a right to want to get out of this chair; We don't have to base our idea of happiness upon it, and I really think that most of us don't. This isn't a pity party for us as Lindsay was implying. I am glad that she doesn't give a rats butt about a cure, but that doesn't make her superior to us. Just because we aren't the perfect sunny picture of happiness that she is, doesn't mean that we are all miserable and ready to off ourselves.

  4. #44
    anybody know how to type the sound of an aluminum can opening? This one looks to be a lively debate.

  5. #45

    Attitude

    If "attitude"is a descrition of coping there are people I wouldn't want to be around whether they were walking or in a chair,it would be nice if we could get up and walk and leave the attitude behind,now that would be a miracle.

  6. #46
    Senior Member Erin81079's Avatar
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    Funny Carl.

    I am giving up on argueing (sp?) this issue because it really is a moot point. Everyone handles situations differently and copes in their own way. Some people want to get cured, some don't. Some people kill themselves over a spinal cord injury and some think that they are better than before they had it. Some people don't even remember what it was like before their injury occured and some never had a chance to walk period. I don't really know why what LindsayS said got me so chatty anyways. Good for her that she is a 20. I say we all just live our lives and be happy, or unhappy, which ever you may choose. Attitude is key whether you are in a chair or not no matter the circumstances. Do the best with whatever you have, life is what YOU make it.

  7. #47

    Erin:

    I think u should re-read this hole thread and also, if it still bothers u LindsayS point of view, then do a search and read her posts. She never said that hoping for a cure was a waist, actually, my interpretation is what u don't DO WHILE THE DAY COMES is what's a waist.
    Like I told Mike Trying to be happy, is not a sin to your SCI, it dosent turn u into an "aceptor" but instead, it turns you into a much more stronger "SURVIVOR.
    That at no moment means that u should vote to close all labs. It only means your own words: be happy but fight for your goals=WALK
    BTW: thats my goal to.

    ...and the soul afraid of dyin'... That never learns to live...

  8. #48
    Senior Member Erin81079's Avatar
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    Originally said by LindsayS and then quoted by Clipper and probably a few other people as well:

    If I remember correctly, you and I are injured at about the same level. On your lest, I have a lot in common with you. Bowel, bladder, etc. But you know what? I've dealt with that. It's just life. No big deal. No need to put on my pity suit and sit in a hole and cry about it. As far as people trying to help you all the time? Uh, what of it? A simple no thanks, I'm fine never killed a person. You stick out in a crowd? Well duh. So do people with spiked purple hair. You don't see them all the time. Absolutely NO reason to get so bent out of shape. Everything 10 times more difficult? Since when was life w/o a SCI not difficult? Able-bodied or not, my dear, life is tough, stressful, and yes, difficult. Being able-bodied doesn't change that. I drive a car. Ok I don't hop in it and fly away.. no, it takes me a minute to get my wheelchair in. Not difficult. I don't stand up in the shower, I use a shower chair. Again, it takes me a sec to get in it, but it isn't more difficult. I take a whiz in a catheter. Not really a big deal. Pop that baby in and let it out. Not more difficult than sitting on a toilet. It just takes a minute longer. Are you seeing my point dear?

    A LOT of the time, life is only as hard/difficult/miserable as we make it. If you grunt, groan, and gripe about it all the time, OF COURSE you are going to be miserable.
    Okay DEAR, these things may be easy for you and that's great. I really don't think that Mike is always going to be as miserable as you might think. As for me, unlike you and everyone that agrees with your points, Cathing is not more difficult than peeing on a toilet, but I still don't like it. Yes we CAN come to terms with all of this, yay! Give or take a little, some things are easier than before, and some are not. To me NONE of these things are difficult per say, I just like the old way better. That's my opinion, NOT me sitting in a corner with a pity suit on crying about it. This isn't grunting,groaning, OR griping about it. I am not miserable nor do I think that I will every be, it's not in my caring optimistic nature. So what if Mike handles this differently than you, why get on him about it. You've had a lot longer to deal with all this (Pollett,Lindsay,et al.) So give him a break. I'm sure with all the advice that he gets on here he will be so thouroughly confused he will be forced to come to terms with this burden. Yes I said burden, it is one to all the people learning to deal. As time goes on this burden will get lighter and hopefully one day be removed from us all. Some people's burdens are lighter than others. But everyone learns to cope differently and no matter how much advice you guys give Mike and others like him, it doesn't change the way that he feels inside. Yes, everyone is different, that's what it boils down to. They all have different personalities, personal flaws, quirks, ways of coping, weaknesses, strong points, etc. The list goes on forever, that is being a human. This applies whether one is in a wheelchair or not.

    Do I want to get out of this wheelchair one day? Yes
    Can I cope with life in a productive happy manner if I don't? Hell yes
    IS it okay hope for a cure? Yes
    Is everyone entitled to their own opinion? Yes
    Is everyone like me? GOD, I hope not.
    Does everyone cope with SCI in a different way? Yes
    Does the wheelchair make the man (or woman)? NO
    Does it flaw the person sitting in it? No
    (I think I still look just as cute in mine as I do without it.)
    Does coping with a wonderful attitude, disposition, etc. make anyone psychologically superior to anyone else? No.
    If Mike is have a hard time dealing does that make the way he deals with it wrong or bad? No.
    Am I taking up entirely too much space and repeating things I have already said while we are just going around in circles on this matter? Probably
    This list could go on forever, and I said I wasn't going to post anymore on this topic (Ha, that's a good one). Yes, our main goal is Walking (for most of us). For now we can share our experiences, concerns, and whatever other issues we might have with this common interest.

    Can't we all just get along?

  9. #49
    Erin, glad you found us. Hopefully, you will be walking and it won't matter (probably won't anyway) but it will be interesting to see if you would answer this question differently in a couple of years.

    I don't think I will ever stop searching for the "cure " (competitive nature), but things are not near as miserable as they were in the first couple of years after injury.

  10. #50
    Senior Member Erin81079's Avatar
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    Carl

    I'm not miserable, quite happy actually. Sorry to give the wrong impression. It just urks me sometimes when people confuse not liking SCI with being miserable. Just cause I don't like it doesn't mean I'm not an optimistic happy well adjusted person. I love life, It's great no matter whether I am in the chair or not.

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