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Thread: How well do you cope

  1. #21
    after 28 years i'm at about a 6

  2. #22
    Senior Member scaligirl's Avatar
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    I agree...

    That was a great response LindsayS!

  3. #23
    Senior Member scaligirl's Avatar
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    Honestly...I'm a 6.5

    because some days I cope with situations related to SCI differently than other days. Some days I can cope fine, but then other days I can fly off the handle and get depressed. Especially when the situation is something like B/B accidents (moreso in public), falling out of a chair, or missing out on things with friends or my bf because I can't participate in the physical activity (hiking, swimming at the beach, etc.). My mood swings are temporary, but they do get the best of me sometimes. I think its a normal part of life and everyone goes through it, but mine is usually brought on by SCI.

    But for most part, I think I've adjusted to my SCI just fine. I'm accomplishing alot of my goals that I had prior to my SCI (obtaining a career, independence, etc.) as well as the other things I would've done (finding a wonderful man, going out with friends, etc.). Sure, the route I was made to take is different, but the destination is the same.

  4. #24
    Senior Member scaligirl's Avatar
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    agree & disagree...

    Originally posted by mkowalski99:

    The fact that you were injured so young gives you a completely different perspective on things. Do you know what real sex is supposed to be like? Were you extremely athletic at the age of 6? Did you have almost EVERYTHING that brought you any level of joy taken away from you? I doubt it. Life like this is probably completely "normal" for you. It is NOT normal for me. Not even close.
    I agree with the first part that being injured young (or being born with a DIS) can give a person a different perspective. Just as those that have been SCI for 1-3 years as opposed to those that are 10+ years post.


    But for the rest of the statement..I have a problem with. I see young kids in wheelchairs and it breaks my heart. Not just because they are young, but because they never had a chance to experience what is considered a "normal" life. I competed competitively in swimming since I was 5, I know what its like to have "real sex", and I experienced alot of things as an AB. Even though I cannot do alot of those things now, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to participate in those things. I don't dwell on the things I cannot do anymore because it doesn't change anything in my life. I'm glad that I can still enjoy life in general.

    Did you have almost EVERYTHING that brought you any level of joy taken away from you?
    I did, but I just found joy in other things. And the things that brought me joy prior to my SCI...I can still find joy in them but just adjusted it to meet my abilities.

    PS..the comment about "real sex"...I still have that. Hell, I dont think I had "real sex" when I was AB!!!

  5. #25
    Originally posted by alan:

    I'd say 2. If not for the blasted pains, maybe I could have been a 5 or better. I realize I don't now and never did have the personality to ever have been a "superquad," but those folks are exceptional, IMO.
    Do you think everyone who considers themselves a 6 or 7 to be a "superquad"?

  6. #26

    Perspective...

    Mkowalski & Lindsay: I think the coping thing is probably more a function of your internal personality traits (and, to a lesser extent, time since injury) than what age your injury occurred.

    My impression is that Lindsay has a basically optimistic nature, and would probably have given the same response no matter what age her injury occurred.

  7. #27

    MK

    To your opening statement about being injured young:

    I was injured when I was 12...
    When my main worries were to get a new set of roller blades...
    When a sunny day was all it took for me to enjoy the thrill of riding my bike... When weekends were SOOOOOOOOO wanted cause I'd be going to some beach where I would go snorkleing, swiming, etc...
    When at 3 am my mom would wake me up and we'd take an hour long trip to wherever for breakfast with a gorgeous view of the ocean followed by a day of swiming and running, and climbing and jumping...
    When my dreams would still be possible the next day when I'd wake up...
    You say as a child its easier cause a kid dosent know what an orgasm is (u didnt word it that way but... still said the same). Well, think of this, a kid has so much inocence that its pathetic and when a child gets hit into the ADULT world without even aging a minute, then its tuff. Being an adult obviously includes lifechanging desicions, etc. So, how do u explain a free inocent spirit, that as of that moment, even something as simple as peing will take assistance, time, materials, pain and effort???
    At least when u get injured as an adult u have more conciousness of what happened to u and why. It might make u bitter from knowing but, u r supposed to handle things diferently as an adult.
    Now I'm 27 now (had a B-day 2 weeks ago).
    U said:
    Do you know what real sex is supposed to be like?
    I might obviously not know what "Real sex" is like cause, I've been a quad for 14 years but, I do know whats it feels like our "quad" life. I can honestly say, as much as I'd love for that aspect to be "normal" and "spontaneus", Its still NOT ENOUGH reason for me to become bitter and/or victim.
    Were you extremely athletic at the age of 6?
    Not profesionally but, till my accident, I lived for the ocean, ice skated, biked A LOT, roller bladed with a passion, played volleyball and soccer at school, enjoyed camping up in the mountain, etc.
    Did you have almost EVERYTHING that brought you any level of joy taken away from you?
    ABSOLUTLY!!!!!!!!! but, I didnt have "almost" I had EVERYTHING pulled away from me.
    I doubt it. Life like this is probably completely "normal" for you. It is NOT normal for me. Not even close.
    I don't know about Lindsay (to whom u directed this) But, to me, life as a quad is not absolutly normal but, its the one im stuck with and, cant change for now so, instead of making it worst than it is by torturing myself with self-judging, I rather enjoy it. I'm very proud of the things I do, of who I am, what I am, of how I look (I'm not pretty but, that not SCI'S fault ). I know you hate all and everything about you but, if you took the chance of acepting yourself for who you r, you might me able to live through SCI with less bitterness and welcome your "back to walking" years with a lot more happiness.
    For me SCI is a challenge that I WILL beat. If I'd had the choice, of course I would have passed but, its here and hiding from the mirror, or trying to become invisible in public, or hiding/holding back all my sports energy/enthusiasm, etc. is not going to heal me, so, why bother? Get out! minutes, hours and life r still running by u, don't become an old grouch. Trying to be happy, is not a sin to your SCI, it dosent turn u into an "aceptor" but instead, it turns you into a much more stronger "SURVIVOR"

    ...It's the heart afraid of breaking,that never learns to dance... It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance... It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give, and the soul afraid of dyin'... That never learns to live...

  8. #28
    Senior Member mk99's Avatar
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    "Trying to be happy, is not a sin to your SCI, it dosent turn u into an "aceptor" but instead, it turns you into a much more stronger "SURVIVOR"

    Well said Pollett. Maybe I'm not dealing with things as well as I thought I was afterall. My best friend said something to me last week that is sinking in somewhat. He has known me for many years and said "I know you and there is no question you'll get out of this. I just hope you enjoy the journey on the way". Easier said than done... life's a journey not a destination right?

    I'm sorry you were hurt so young too. Nobody deserves this shit regardless of age.

    I don't mean to come across so abrasive. I am just completely and totally fixated on recovery to the point where I feel that absolutely NOTHING is more important.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Clipper's Avatar
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    Originally posted by mkowalski99:

    I am just completely and totally fixated on recovery to the point where I feel that absolutely NOTHING is more important.
    That, in my opinion, is your biggest problem. Five years from now, if there is not yet a cure, you will have missed out on a significant portion of your life -- a life worth enjoying no matter your physical circumstance.



    Til vacation ...

  10. #30
    Your friend could not have said it better Mike.
    You might find youself walking but frustrated at the lost time and that will definetly ruin your final happiness.
    Good luck anyhow and, no offense taken

    ...It's the heart afraid of breaking,that never learns to dance... It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance... It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give, and the soul afraid of dyin'... That never learns to live...

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