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Thread: Etiquette tips

  1. #1
    Senior Member DA's Avatar
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    Etiquette tips

    how do a quad hold utensil properly?
    how do a vent quad be fed properly?


    Table manners

    o You'll get in more trouble for doing something "gross" than minor mistakes

    o Eat quietly

    § Sound effects are undesirable

    · Don't slurp or belch

    · This is not an organ recital -- try to avoid bodily noises

    § It's polite to say something nice about the food

    o Once you put food in your mouth, people don't want to see it again

    § Chew with your mouth closed (no noise)

    · Take small enough bites so that this is possible

    § Don't talk with food in your mouth

    · If someone asks you a question, it's OK to wait until you've swallowed your food to respond

    o If you're not sure what to do, watch the people around you

    o Say "excuse me" if you need to leave the table (like to go to the bathroom)

    o Don't grab food

    o Don't put stuff (like purse, keys, papers) on the table

    o Keep all the legs of your chair on the ground

    o Sit reasonably still (not squirming or fidgeting)

    o If you can't eat some of the food that's served, it depends on the setting

    § At a restaurant, it's OK to just not eat it without saying anything.

    § If a friend has cooked something, it might be good to politely explain why you aren't eating it (medical, etc).

    § Sharing saliva is considered unsanitary.

    · With dip/sauce, put a little on your plate, if possible.

    · It's very bad to bite into something and then dip it into a shared food source.

    o It's considered impolite to use a toothpick at the table. Trying to extract something with your fingers is worse.

    o Blowing your nose at the table is undesirable.

    o In casual settings, people are sometimes pickier about what they'll talk about at the table than in other situations.

    o Formal setting

    § Getting seated

    · Plate is in center

    · Knives and spoons on right

    · Fork(s) left

    · Drinks right (DRink = "Drink Right")

    · Solids (like bread plate) left

    · Expect food to be served from the right and cleared from the left

    · The waiter may pull your chair out for you if you are female

    · Napkin in lap, never on shirt

    · If you're male, don't put your tie over your shoulder

    § Bread

    · Take only one slice at a time

    · It's OK to use hands if you do it neatly

    · To butter bread, take a small amount from the dish and put it on your plate.

    · Butter one piece at a time?

    § Utensils

    · A good rule is "work your way in from the outside."

    · Be logical -- you wouldn't eat soup with a knife

    · If you aren't sure, look at the people around you

    · Americans often switch fork between hands, but not required

    o When cutting, knife - RH, fork LH

    o When eating, fork - RH

    · Don't let a utensil you've used touch the table

    · Don't put the entire soup spoon into your mouth

    · When you're resting, put utensils on the plate in an "X" pattern

    o Fork bottom on left

    o Knife bottom on right

    o Napkin still in lap

    · When you're done, put utensils on the plate in "eleven o'clock position"

    o Utensils parallel

    o Bottom right - top left

    o Points facing away from you

    o Wait until everyone is finished to put napkin next to your plate

    § Loosely, not twisted, crumpled, or refolded

    § Not on chair

    § General

    · Sit up straight

    · Passing food

    o If someone asks for something to be passed, only reach for it if you are the closest to it

    o Pass to your neighbor

    o (Avoid reaching across someone because of the personal space thing).

    o If you decide you want some too, you have to pass it first and then ask that it be passed back to you

    o Never throw anything

    o If someone asks for salt or pepper, pass both

    o Only add condiments to food on your own plate, not shared food

    o Don't add salt or pepper before tasting food

    · Spills

    o Try to do "damage control" (preventing stuff from spilling on other people)

    o If you spill something on someone else

    § DON'T touch them (personal space again) -- let them clean it up

    § Apologize

    § Offer to pay for dry cleaning

    · Fingers

    o Watch others' lead

    o If in doubt, be conservative and use a utensil

    · Try to eat at the same pace as people around you

    · Wait until everyone else has their food before you start eating

    · Avoid alcohol

    · Don't order the most expensive item or dessert unless your host encourages it

    · Don't ask for doggy bags in a formal setting

    · If you drop your silverware, pick it up if possible, and ask server for replacement. DON'T reuse it (gross)

    o Choice of food

    · Not difficult or messy

    · Easy to digest

    o Alcohol

    · Safety

    o Assault risk

    o DUI

    · Increased risk of social blunders

    o Less awareness of situation

    o You only think you're being more personable

    o Caffeine

    · Limit at interviews

    · May increase nervousness

    · Body Language

    o Eyes

    · Should make some eye contact

    o Between 1/3 and 2/3 of the time

    · Staring violates space

    · If you aren't talking with a person, it is best not to look at them.

    · Generally look at person when they are speaking to you

    · The face is the most polite place to look

    o If you have trouble hearing, watching the lips sometimes helps

    o Avoid looking at a man's groin or a woman's chest

    o Personal Space

    · Variable, not closer than arm's length with someone you don't know well

    · Generally, people stand somewhat closer for long conversations so they can talk quietly

    · Too close

    o Other person backs away, seems uncomfortable

    · Too far

    o Trouble hearing each other, need to raise voice

    · Be careful about coming up behind people

    o This can make them nervous if they didn't realize you were there

    o If you're running, "On your right/left" can be good

    · Touch

    o Risky with people you don't know

    o If you have to get someone's attention, tapping the shoulder is the safest place.

    o The shoulder, outer arm (away from the body), upper back are relatively safe

    o Shaking hands

    · Firm but not tight grip. Considered normal greeting in U.S. If you aren't familiar with it, practice with someone who is.

    · Consideration

    § Don't block passages, doorways, roads, etc.

    § "Excuse me" is a way of acknowledging someone else's space

    § Don't leave lipstick smears on anything

    § Not everyone will like your perfume or cologne. Don't apply it with a garden hose.

    § To get rid of gum, wrap in wrapper and throw it in trash.

    § Don't assault people's senses.

    · If you're in a shared room, check with others before changing the thermostat

    · Keep your voice down if people around you need to concentrate

    · Play music quietly, especially at night and early in the morning.

    · Many people don't like to breathe cigarette smoke.

    o Never smoke in a "No Smoking" area.

    o Ask permission before lighting up at someone's house.

    · Musical instruments can be very hard to ignore - be considerate.

    § Be aware of people around you; don't step right in front of someone.

    § Keep to the right when you're walking or using the road

    § Let other people get off a bus or elevator before you get on

    · Gestures

    § Avoid

    · Offensive

    o Extended middle finger (means "fuck you")

    o Forearm jerk (= "up yours?")

    o Tongue extended from mouth

    o Anything related to sex or race

    · Not impressive

    o Nervous or "weird"

    § Hands in mouth

    § Nailbiting

    § Fidgeting

    § Wringing hands

    § Pulling at hair, eyelashes, or eyebrows

    § Rocking

    § "Thousand-yard stare"

    o Gross

    § Nose picking

    § Scratching underarms

    § Hands touching groin area

    § Picking teeth

    § Excessive head scratching (may suggest lice)

    § Messing with scabs, blemishes, scars

    · Conflict Resolution

    o Use "I" language.

    o Dealing with rude people

    · Don't take the bait

    · Their problem, not yours

    · Rude remarks

    o Just stare at them

    o Say, "Could you please repeat that?"

    o Avoid fighting words and categorical comments

    o Allow people to "save face."

    · Conversation

    o Starting

    o Showing interest

    · Don't interrupt

    · Match others

    o Choice of Topics

    · Good

    o Current events

    o Neutral topics

    · Risky

    o Varies with group, sometimes hard to gage.

    § Be careful with this if you have social problems

    § Playing it safe is better

    § Don't be the first person to "cross a line"

    o Offensive

    § Racial slurs

    § Categorical comments

    § Derogatory remarks, especially if you're not sure who's listening or whether they'll be repeated

    o Overly personal

    § Sex life

    § Medical issues

    § Some bodily functions

    · Associated with bathroom

    · Specific to one gender

    § Family/relationship problems

    § Consider whether what you say might be repeated

    o Disturbing

    § People think, "I don't want to hear this."

    § Graphic

    § Violence/abuse <![endif]>

    § Unhealthy behavior

    § Depressing

    o Strong feelings

    § Religion

    · More sensitive with very religious people

    § Abortion

    · No easy answers

    § Capital punishment

    o Awkward

    § Money

    o Appropriate Questions

    · Intrusive is bad

    o Weight/size

    o Sexual behavior

    o Marriage/family

    o "Interrogation"/lots of questions

    o Inappropriate interest in person

    § Makes person wonder why you'd want to know that

    o Money

    § Even if salary is a matter of public record, don't discuss

    § Often bad to ask how much something cost

    · Loaded is also bad

    o Only one "right" answer

    o Manipulative and irritating

    · Good idea to take lead from other person

    o Ask questions about what they're talking about

    o Questions should reflect actually listening

    · Generally OK

    o "How's it going?"

    o "What happened at the game last night?"

    o Be careful not to repeat "safe" questions too often - this will also sound strange

    o Include everyone

    · Use a language that everyone can understand

    o If you don't, others may assume you can't speak their language

    o Avoid jargon or slang that may be unfamiliar to some

    · Topic should be generally interesting

    o Don't bore or exclude people

    o Explain things so that people with different backgrounds can understand.

    o Limit talking about yourself

    o Humor

    · Ethnic

    o People sometimes make jokes about their own ethnic group

    o Joking about someone else's ethnic group may make them mad

    · Off-color jokes

    · Do people know you're joking?

    · Religion is sometimes sensitive, if people are very observant

    o Volume of voice

    · Too quiet = hard to hear

    o You're asked to repeat yourself a lot

    · Too loud is annoying, especially when people are trying to concentrate

    o People turn around and look at you

    o Language

    · Obscenities or poor grammar makes negative statement about you

    · Avoid racial slurs and stereotypes

    · "You people" is generally not good

    · Honesty

    o Lying takes effort

    o People with social difficulties already have to work hard to behave appropriately

    · Appearance

    o Hygiene

    · Clean clothes

    · Bathing

    · Teeth

    · Deodorant

    · Shave

    o Dress

    · Appropriate for situation

    · Observe others / seek advice

    · Avoid

    o Poor repair

    § Torn

    § Stained

    § Holes

    § Excessively worn

    o Revealing

    § Sheer

    § Tight

    § Low neck

    § High hemline

    o Making "statement" with clothes

    § Might not be the one you intend

    o Ill-fitting

    · Colors

    o Neutrals are safest and easiest to match

    o Find colors that look good on you

    · Shoes

    o Comfortable

    o If you're prone to falling, probably not high heels

    o Good condition

    § Polished, if necessary

    § Not worn around heels

    · Knowing What's Going On

    o Watch others

    · Listen first

    · Be aware of "red flags"

    o The person will probably talk about you the same way they talk about others

    o Doesn't accept responsibility for own behavior

    § "It's her fault that I did this, since she made me angry."

    § "If people let me get away with it, then it's their problem."

    o Many more...

    · Choose role models carefully

    · TV/Media may be misleading

    o What's funny on TV might be unacceptable in real life

    § Would it really be a good idea to say "Eat my shorts" to a professor?

    o Talk shows rarely features "normal" Americans

    § They succeed because they make viewers feel superior. ("At least I'm not as messed up as these people.")

    § Being willing to discuss extremely personal things on national TV is not typical.

    o Violence is not a quick way to solve problems

    § U.S. has less gun control than some other countries, but there are still rules. Law enforcement people get very unfriendly if you break them.

    § In real life, when people slug it out like they do in the movies, they often get arrested.

    o Despite what you see in magazines like Cosmopolitan, most people don't approve of adultery.

    o Pay attention to reactions

    o Seek feedback from people you trust

    · Getting around

    o Showing up on time

    § Job Interviews

    · Try to walk in about 5 minutes early

    § Social

    · With parties, varies by region

    o In the Midwest, it means, "Don't show up before this time."

    · When meeting someone, try to make it on time so they don't have to wait.

    o Realistic planning

    § Allow plenty of time

    § Look at maps in advance

    § Know who to call if there's a problem

    o When to leave

    § Watch for cues

    · Person stands up

    · Says less, tone of voice changes

    · Says something about having things to do

    · Asks if there's anything else

    § Watch others

    · Leave party when other people do

    · Being the last person to leave may be bad

    · Leave when the party is scheduled to end, even if other people are still there

    · Communications

    · Phone

    o 11 AM - 9 PM is usually the safest time

    o Calling people at home can be intrusive

    § With professors, coworkers, etc. going to office hours or e-mail are better

    § Limit length of conversation

    · Email

    o Be considerate about length, volume, and content of e-mail

    o Confrontation is better in person than by e-mail

    § Potential for misunderstanding

    § A nasty e-mail seems cowardly

    o Don't forward or post without author's permission

    o Be aware that what you write can be forwarded (hostile/offensive)

    · Websites

    o Nothing offensive

    § What impression might it make on a prospective employer?

    o Consider your audience and their interests

    · Visiting

    o Generally, don't go to someone's house unless they invite you.

    o For a personal visit, try to show up on time but not early.

    o Call if you will be delayed or can't make it so they don't worry.

    · People With Disabilities

    · Never park in a handicapped space unless you really are disabled and have the tags for your car.

    · Talk to the person with the disability, not just others with them

    · Don't patronize the person

    · Make sure that questions about the disability are polite and respectful. Don't ask inappropriate personal questions.

    · Look at them like you'd look at anyone else

    § Not staring

    § Don't avoid looking at them

    · If you have a child, let them talk to the person

    · If it looks like they might need help, offer. If they decline, respect that.

    · If they can't shake hands, nodding or smiling is fine,

    · Be genuine.

    · People first, disabled second

    · If you don't know what to do, ask.

    · People with disabilities are interested in the same topics of conversation as non-disabled people

    · Respect space

    o Don't pat them on the head.

    · Move something (like furniture) if it is blocking them

    · Get on eye level with person

    · Speak in normal voice. Don't raise voice unless they ask you to.

    · Shaking hands with the left hand is OK.

    · Use first name only if you're addressing everyone else that way.

    · Offer to hold or carry packages

    · Don't use "normal" to describe people who don't have disabilities.

    o It is better to say "people without disabilities" or "typical," if necessary to make comparisons.

    · People in wheelchairs

    o Terms to avoid

    § Cripple, victim, defect, invalid, sick, diseased, wheelchair bound, handicapped, able-bodied, victim, suffers from, a patient

    o Good terms

    § "Uses a wheelchair"

    · Don't touch their wheelchair without their permission. This is their space.

    · Visually impaired

    o Allow a person with a visual impairment to take your arm (around the elbow) so you will guide instead of propel them

    o When greeting someone with a visual impairment, identify yourself and people around you

    o With more than one person, give verbal cues to indicate who you are speaking to.

    o Also, indicate when you are moving from one place to another and when the conversation has ended

    o Don't pet or distract a guide dog. The dog is responsible for its owner's safety and is always working. It is not a pet.

    · Speech impairment

    o Listen attentively

    o Encourage, don't correct

    o Don't interrupt or try to speak for the person

    o Don't pretend to understand if you don't. Try repeating what you think the person said and asking if that's correct

    o If necessary, ask questions that can be answered with one word or a shake or nod of the head

    · Hearing-impaired

    o If the person has an interpreter, speak to and look at the person, not the interpreter

    o To get the attention of someone who is hearing-impaired, tap them on the shoulder or wave your hand.

    o Don't assume that everyone who is hearing-impaired can lip read.

    o If they can, place yourself in good light, and keep hands, cigarettes, etc. away from mouth.

    o Shouting won't help; written notes may.

    o Don't stand with bright light directly behind you

    · Mental/learning/other

    o Keep your communication simple. Rephrase comments or questions for better clarity.

    o Stay focused on the person as he or she responds to you.

    o Allow the person time to tell or show you what he or she wants.

    o Terms to avoid

    § the mentally retarded / mentally deficient

    § a retardate / a retard (never)

    § a feeble-minded person

    § Slow

    § the mentally ill

    § crazy, psycho, mental case (never)

    § the Down's person / Mongoloid (never)

  2. #2

    Too many rules....

    Where did this come from???? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

  3. #3
    Who is this supposed to be for?

  4. #4
    Senior Member nate007's Avatar
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    What was the point of that?

  5. #5
    Senior Member Jeff's Avatar
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    I think DA is lamenting the difficulties we quads have with table manners. Maybe he included the rest of the manners material as a point of reference...

    I've attended meals over a two week period where maners were taught and expected. It was difficult for me to comply. I'd rather eat at a table of hicks without manners. Well, maybe not that either.

    ~See you at the SCIWire-used-to-be-paralyzed Reunion ~

  6. #6
    Senior Member DA's Avatar
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    it is for me not to be shame when you back of the woods trailer
    park no shoes broke car on the lawn hill billies are on the post
    cure cruise.

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