Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing and
in the end you lose your house.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q. What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and use a lubricant.

Q. What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose ?
A. Darling

Q: What do old women have between their breasts that young women don't?
A: A bellybutton!

Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Q: What can a jelly bean do that a man can't do?
A: Come in 7 different flavors.

Q: What do you call a woman with no asshole?
A: Divorced.

Q: How many MPH can you go on sex?
A: 68. When you hit 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: Keep the tip.

Q: When did Pinocchio finally realize that he was made of wood?
A: When his hand caught fire.

Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde who snorted nutra sweet?
A: She thought it was diet coke.