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Thread: when reality hits ....

  1. #1
    Senior Member Sh0rty's Avatar
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    when reality hits ....

    reading curtis's post brought forth how i am feeling. a year to this day i was hemming my pants to go out with friends clubbing. that night i never made it home. The driver of the car i was in i was told was drunk and we hit a tree, leaving me a t4/5 complete. this last year i have been i guess in denile thinking maybe i would wake up and this would just all be a bad dream. Or that maybe i would come out of it walking. i think now that it has been a year reality has hit that this is real. And wow does it suck.

    if i had of known that night what i know now, i would have danced longer knowing i would never be able to do it again.

    as time goes does it get easier?

    what do you guys do to keep busy to keep your mind off this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Scorpion's Avatar
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    In my experience, it does get easier. You never get over the loss, really, but you don't focus on it as much. I've been paralyzed for 11 and a half years, and I'm generally happier these days than I was 1 year post.

    I don't know that you're in denial. It's still new for you, and everybody deals with it in their own way and in their own time.

    Hang in there.

    ~Rus

    "Don't judge me by my failures, but only by my dreams" (SR-71)

  3. #3

    Easier said then done..............

    Get on with the buisness of life. You've had a year of self-pity, doubt, and loathing. You were well entitled to it and earned every minute of it! But now comes the the time to roll up your sleeves and kick hell out of the obsticles life places in your way. SCI sucks the big one, but don't allow it to defeat you by becoming an excuse to fail.

  4. #4
    Senior Member BILLY37's Avatar
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    IT IS HARD TO TELL YOU IT WILL GET EASIER. ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE. I SPEND ALOT OF TIME WORKING WITH OTHERS WITH SCI. IT REALLY HELPS ME OUT. ILOVE FOR PEOPLE TO TELL ME "YOU CANT DO THAT YOUR IN A WHEELCHAIR" I LOVE TO PROVE PEOPLE WRONG. IT DOES SUCK TO LIVE EVERYDAY IN A DAM WHEELCHAIR THOUGH. I GET TIRED OF SITTING! BUT I COULD BE LYING (6 FOOT UNDER) GOOD LUCK TO YOU. BILLY FRYAR "KEEP ON ROLLIN"

  5. #5

    Tell me about it...

    I can't tell you it gets easier because I'm not even a year injured. I know how you feel. I'll be cruising along, living my life to the best of my ability when reality hits. I feel like I'm someone else, like this isn't my life when all sudden it hits me: THIS IS MY LIFE!! And it sucks. Theres no denying it.
    It is incredibly hard to pull myself together and keep on going. All I can hope is that someday this will feel real. I will never, ever, accept this as a permnament life.
    What keeps me going? Seeing others in chairs suceed, and overcome obstacles. I can see that it does become easier, physically at least.
    Also, I started a topic called 'dealing with reality' and the responses there were incredible. They gave me the courage, strength, and ability to keep on going.

    "It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible
    to find it elsewhere."
    --Agnes Repplier, writer and historian


  6. #6

    Two things that I learned after almost 14 years post-injury

    1. SCI is hell.
    2. You get used to it.

    I'd be lying if I denied that even now I still get the odd moment where I think this is all some bizarrely horrible nightmare, and that all I'd ever have to do is wake up. You're only a year post, so you're pretty much exactly where people usually are.

    I don't know if it's a question of does it ever get better. As I said, you just get used to it. And then you start finding other stuff to occupy your mind so that you think about it less.

  7. #7
    Shanna-

    I danced my last dance the night I was injured, I can still smell her perfume, lol. I guess my point is this. We will be dancing again and in short order I think. We may have to travel to BFE to get it done, but hey what else do we have to look forward to? Like I told Emi before, I want to be in Mexico on a beach, and getting brown as hell in 4 years. Able to walk to the water and feel the sand in my toes. That is the only thing that keeps my head up!

  8. #8

    t4 sci too

    Shanna, IMO Scorpion has alot of wisdom in his words... I have had a sci for 18 yrs now... I was injured at 18 yrs old... I have a great husband and 3 daughters all after my sci... Life will get easier for you, but there will be alot of bumbs in the road till you get to the smooth part... I am at the smooth part of the road right now, but have my bad days just not as many as I used to... If you ever want to talk my email addy is annabell123@msn.com Just keep looking to your future... Anna

  9. #9
    The only way to keep my mind off of this is.........Sex. Better get some!

    "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked..."
    - Allen Ginsburg

  10. #10
    Senior Member Jeff's Avatar
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    Reality still hits me!

    And it's all the same realization and incredulous emotion you describe, and I'm twenty-two years post. In my first year it used to happen five or ten times per day. I would just get slammed with that impossible, only-happens-to-other-people kind of realization that it's true - I'm paralyzed - I can't believe it, kind of feeling. As time went by it reduced to one or twice a day. Eventually, once a week. Now, it happens like once every month or two. It's not as strong as before but it's the same thing.

    It never hindered me. It was always just a momentary swell of everything you described in your post. I don't think it was related to the severe depression I also had at the time.

    I described that feeling to a counsellor back then because it was such an overwhelming mix of emotions like something I'd never felt before. She said she'd heard that described to her on many occassions and that people said it never truly goes away but would lessen over time. She was exactly right in my case.

    I also never minded it and still don't. It kind of lets me know that the real me is still inside me wanting to get out. A lot of people are offended at that statemenet because it implies I have to be AB to be the real me and therefore I feel disabled people are not real people. That couldn't be any further from the truth. I feel pretty damn real. Believe you me. It is just that it's comforting to not have let go of the walking me. I really love and miss the person I was and look forward to being able to express myself again one day in some of those same ways that I could before. Maybe this doesn't make sense to anyone else but it does to me. Wish I could say it better.

    ~See you at the SCIWire-used-to-be-paralyzed Reunion ~

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