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Thread: Your reaction to reading this will be 'God, what a bastard!'

  1. #11

    No excuses

    It is still a crime...make no excuses for this person's behaviour.I admire that fact that you did hold your tounge for so long...

  2. #12
    Senior Member julran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Gresham, OR
    I'm so sorry that your family (that you live with) treats you with such disdain. As you can see from this site you can have a happy and satisfying life. Which is more than your step dad will ever have. I do believe that as long as you take care of yourself (which can take a little extra work for us) and live a happy life you can live as long as anyone else. Good luck with your exams. And if your online comments are anything like your "real" personality you will make plenty of friends at universaty.

  3. #13
    Senior Member KLD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001


    I don't know the law in England, but in the USA and my state this would be considered a reportable case of possible abuse. People with disabilities are in a special legally protected category called (unfortunately) "dependent adults" and abuse is treated the same as abuse of the elderly or children. We would report it to Adult Protective Services if we heard about this type of treatment from one of our clients. I urge you to contact a social worker, your physician or other health care professional and be honest about what is going on in your home. Ask them what can be done, and follow through. Keep in touch with this community and let us know how you are.

    The best info we currently have about life expectancy is available here:

    Keep in mind that the era when you were injured is probably as (if not more) important than the age at which you were injured or your level or completeness of injury. Those injured in the 1950s had a much lower life expectancy than those injured in the 1970s, and those injured in the 1990 have much better expectancy than those injured in the 1970s. These number are also AVERAGES...those who take better care of themselves are much more likely to exceed these numbers.

    [This message was edited by KLD on Apr 21, 2002 at 01:20 AM.]

  4. #14
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Wisconsin USA
    If it makes you feel any better this is a pretty classic case of insecurity and jealousy on your step dad's part. You're going to Uni and he mucks out bathroom pipes for a living. Don't let him get to you during exams. Just find a nice place in your mind and go there. I go to Paris during medical exams I don't like. Maybe think of what university will be like.

    But do find out what kind of help you can get if he should get violent. No one deserves verbal or physical abuse. But sometimes it is best to know there is a "safe" number you can call if needed and try to just be as pleasant as possible and ignore him as necessary until you can go to your Dad's. People like this have very little self-esteem and can only feel good about themselves by finding others to pick on and put down.

    You go and make your Dad proud and let this bum rot. And I bet your Mom will see him for the wanker he is once you go off and she is the only one to get the abuse.

  5. #15

    About your MUM...

    Your mother is an abused woman. She has most likely been slowly worn down by this man, by his insults and his demeaning insults. When she shrugged her shoulders it tells me that she is bone tired and beaten down and that she sees herself as powerless to fix this problem. Emotional and mental abuse is a scary swirl to be in, often the victim is a woman (although it does happen to men), and I am finding that the caring and nurturing sort is the easiest mark. Beaten women will do anything for the perpetrator because they somehow believe that the next thing that they try to do or change will buy them the love that they seek. When you are this tired, this weary and have been brought to the place that you no longer matter and that you have no real use or value, you are emotionally paralyzed, you cannot move one way or the other from the place you are at. When the abuser is your husband the betrayal goes so deep that to stand the pain, you have to go numb...have no feeling or sensation, sound familiar? Here's the rub, no matter what anyone says the victim won't wake up until something so precious is at stake that it is worth everything to protect it..For me it was my children, when I saw them becoming what I had come to hate in him and myself...then I reached out and listened and started the long climb out of it. The best thing you did was to reach out here because there are people on this forum who are so empowering with their words that there will be no way that you will not benefit from knowing them...even some of the more "eccentric" members. Keep at your studies, you seem like a smart girl, and listen to the advice that seems right for you to listen to, because in the end you are the only one who knows how you feel, and you are the only one who will live with the decisions you make. So make good ones.

    e-mail me whenever... Mary

  6. #16
    Senior Member bill1938's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    New York

    From what I understand, the life expectancy of a spinal cord injured individual
    can be almost normal length if you take care of yourself and don't abuse your body.Number one, don't smoke. Drink as much water as you can.

    The man you descibe sounds dangerous, stay away from him as much as possible. Try to find a better home for yourself as soon as you finish school.Keep some emergency numbers posted in your room, this way he will see that other people are watching out for you.

  7. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Glenelg,Maryland USA
    I have 2 comments
    First,i am afraid of living as long as healthy people.i dread the day that i can not transfer myself or do the other things to be independent.I do not want to live to be so old that i sit in a nursing home waiting for someone to clean me up.i am 43 and if i am not cured i think 70 is about a good time to live to.But do not worry about life expectancy and statistics,with medical advances our bodies will live longer than our mental capabilities.
    Second,i beleive trying to discuss things and avoid bad situations are the best course of action but do not rule out physical violence.I was in national rehab hospital and tried everything for 4 hours to get pain medicine for my shoulder (which required surgery 3 months later,iwas not making up the pain) I finally found my doctor and explained that i have been over comperative but for some reason he is not getting me my medicine so i will not allow him to move un til he gets it.i informed him that although i amm paralzed from the chest down that he was obviously not a man who worked out and that i was confident i could hurt him.i got my pain medicine quickly.Tell your dad to get some freinds and go over to this guy and beat him.Tell them not to hit himin the fece because it leaves marks which you do not want if he calls the police.the best method is for someone to hold him while someone else punches him in the stomach and groin.After he is suffering from being out of breath from the stomach punches and he feels that his testicles have been smmashed a quick punch to the neck will leave him gasping for air for quite a while.If you really want to teach him a lesson after the beating lay him on the groun and place something under his foot like a cinder block and then step down real hard on his knee so it bends the wrong way.if you do both legs he will understand what we go thru not being able to walk.The only problem with breaking his knees is that it leaves evidence for the police so your dad could get in trouble.If you lived by me i would come over with my freinds and take care of him for you ,but your across the ocean so i can't help

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Thanks again to everyone, you all warmed my heart. Brian, I do feel like your suggested course of action would be justified, but then my mum would have to look after him - a punishment i would give no one.
    I'm still hanging in here, feeling a bit better today after being at school and getting a lot of support from my friends.
    Anyway i've got work to do so i'm gunna shoot, got Goo-Goo Doll's new album today and music always helps me escape!

  9. #19

    What an ASS


    Mary and I already plan to take my 325 pound wheel chair and run over her ex and mine. Give me the signal and we'll take out your step dad also. Seriously, get away from that man and call me for support.


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