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Thread: Diary Of a snow shoveler/ A story to make you laugh

  1. #1
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    Diary Of a snow shoveler/ A story to make you laugh

    I posted this last year, but since we just got 8 inches of snow here in Chicago, it seems appropriately funny.

    DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

    December 8:
    6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge, soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
    I love snow!

    December 9:
    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks this afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

    December 12:
    The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would beatiful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14:
    Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to *20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I
    would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15:
    20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16:
    Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17:
    Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20:
    Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22:
    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

    December 23:
    Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.

    December 24:
    6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the freakin' snowplow.

    December 25:
    Merry Christmas!!. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

    December 26:
    Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really
    getting on my nerves.

    December 27:
    Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
    December 28:
    Warmed up to above-50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
    December 29:
    10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30:
    Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his
    head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

    December 31:
    Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!

    January 8:
    I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they give at the rest home.




  2. #2
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
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    It's supposed to hit 71 here in Merryland today. Damn, how I miss Wisconsin. I always did the shoveling and leaf raking when it needed done. You'd think the guys in these jokes would figure out the key to the plow ins. Just give Fred (the driver) a bottle of Jack Daniels every year for Christmas as a tip and no more redigging the driveway.

  3. #3
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
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    My former neighbor used to give the plow driver a six pack of beer. Our little neighborhhood was always promptly plowed when she was living here.

  4. #4

    Great story

    Human cannonball. Thanks.

  5. #5
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    Your Welcome Chris

    Nothing like a little laughter to get through the insanity of SCI.


  6. #6
    Hi JP. IT MIGHT SNOW HERE IN ATLANTA TONIGHT. HAS BEEN A VERY STRANGE YEAR SINCE I LAST SPOKE TO YOU. WILL SEND YOU A UPDATE IF YOUR EMAIL IS STILL GOOD. ROB

  7. #7
    Senior Member Max's Avatar
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    I would like to repost my favorite sci related joke..

    A man had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
    finally said that the bar was closing. So the man stood up to
    leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more
    time; same result. He figured he'd crawl outside and get
    some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

    Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he
    decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at
    the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He
    crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he
    reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time
    he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right
    into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the
    pillow.

    He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over
    him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!"
    "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent
    look.

    "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

  8. #8
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    Excellent Joke Max!!


  9. #9
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    THANKS FOR THE LAUGH I needed it my son had an accident in the snow and ice two days ago,he is fine truck hurt so this little story helped me laugh. THANKS AGAIN

  10. #10

    I love dark humor

    Thanks, Max - you gave my whole family a good laugh.

    Debbie

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