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Thread: Life in general 10 years after SCI

  1. #1

    Life in general 10 years after SCI

    1st let me say this is a very informative site!

    I have been injured now for 10+ years.(C5-6) I am 31 yrs. old now. I don't know where my life is going! I find myself alone pondering what could have been.
    A perfectly good body, mind and life down the tubes.
    It is so hard living this way. So few things to participate in. Having to sit and watch life pass you by really SUCKS! I have friends and family to interact with and get out often but there are only very limited fun things to do in a chair.(a lot of watching) I am sick of being without freedom and independence. Everything was going so well pre-injury, good job, pretty girlfriend, nice car, my own place, etc. Now, none of the above. You know how hard it is to meet new people, how in the hell are you suppose to meet nice attractive women while living in a chair when you can't do anything without assistance? I haven't even so much as kissed a woman in 10+ years. In life everyone has desires. Anyone have any tips for a guy in a chair to meet that special lady? Any suggestions welcome! Well I just had to vent a little, after all it's been 10 LONG years! Thanks for listening to me ramble.

    kyle

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Post Falls, Idaho
    Posts
    61

    10 yrs post

    Kyle, I can't know how you feel because I am able body. However my husband is a T-4 para, 5 yrs post. We have been married 1 and a half years. We got married 7 weeks after our first date!! He is the love of my life....forever. He was married at the time of his injury and about a year later his wife at that time walked out. Left him with a TON of past due bills, a house he couldnt afford and HER 2 kids!!! We met through a mutual friend and
    we feel so in love. I was scared and so was I but we made it through a very rough first year together. We got caught up on the bills, shipped HER kids to live with her,we had enuff responsibilities living with his injury) and I have to say things are soooooo good. My husband is so much healthier, stronger, and happier!!!! Actually we both are, he takes excellent care of us both ( and so do I). God put us together, he knew my husband needed someone to help him, that someone is me, and I thank God everyday for letting this special, SPECIAL, paralized person "roll" into my life!!!!
    I know this will sound kinda empty to you, but think positive and hopefully a special someone will be put in your life. It does happen.......KA

  3. #3

    Kyle

    Maybe start getting more involved with stuff, like a church group or something. you gotta get out and be involved to meet people, it is not going to happen by itself. Especially if you could get involved in something where you are helping others, it could be very rewarding. There is still lots you can do if you just put you're mind to it. I hear what you are saying in that it can be depressing if you are in the wrong frame of mind, so you gotta get yourself in the right frame of mind.

    "Life is about how you
    respond to not only the
    challenges you're dealt but
    the challenges you seek...If
    you have no goals, no
    mountains to climb, your
    soul dies".~Liz Fordred

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    St. George, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    73
    I would recommend joining a church - besides getting the spiritual enrichment that we all need, that is also where I met my wife where we have both attended all of our lives and still do to this day ! Attitude plays a big part also as I went through that stage post injury where I thought "who would want me, 1/2 a man" and once you accept what you have and realize that it could be much much worse, things look up from there !
    Just my personal view !

  5. #5
    Senior Member KLD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    California
    Posts
    866

    Sports and disability rights

    In addition to the suggestions others have made, there are lots of opportunities for meeting many people, having some fun, developing relationships, and giving yourself some goals and purpose in life through both wheelchair sports and political activity. Consider getting into a sport both for your health and these other reasons. With 10 years experience as a person with a major disability, you also are in a position to help advocate for both yourself and others about access and other disability rights issues in your community.

    Also, have you considered going back to work or school? You are still young. Both places are great places to meet people, including potential partners.

  6. #6
    Senior Member bilby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    frankfort, ny us
    Posts
    1,039
    I felt the same way you and wheels did when I was newly injured. Why would any women want to squander the wealth of her affection, on someone who can't grant her the same luxuries of life, a normal person could? I entertained these doubts for a long time, but when I started dating again, I realized I was exaggerating a lot of my fears. Most the women I dated were more forgiving of my disabilty than I was myself.

    Confidence is a big plus. Remember the old adage, "the faint heart never wins the fair lady." If someone turns you down, just try again.

    Two of the women I dated after my injury I met in a library. It helps if you can talk about more than the weather and your favorite football team. Or the color of your truck.

    Try posting your profile here, it's free. www.match.com

    bill

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