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Thread: What color floors? On opposite sides with my fiancee. Advice?

  1. #11
    I went through the same thing. We aren't together anymore. I doubt we would be together today if I had agreed to the colors she wanted. We would still be split up and I would have a house I didn't like.

    My point is your compromise should be in line with your commitment to her. Accepting to live with what you don't like is a bad spot to find yourself. But if you do find yourself in this spot, she better be THE ONE, not one that is here today and gone tomorrow.

    Deeper question, does the cigar have a subconscious meaning or is the cigar just a cigar?
    Last edited by August West; 05-10-2019 at 02:33 AM.

  2. #12
    You can always tell a long time married man. As Ches says, happy wife, happy life. You have to choose your battles. Like Ches, I don't care much. My wife shows me what she wants to do. If I ask about changes she usually explains why i'm wrong or if it's a good idea, she'll incorporate it.

    It'll either break you up or cement you as a couple depending on open communication. Trustfully she'll be here much longer than me so I want her to be comfortable and enjoy the home we created together. I know that roll in shower is going to be a goner.


    Ti. You posted in bold letters, Best bang for the buck, I looked down and saw the photo of the young lady. I thought man that was uncalled for until I read your post lol.

  3. #13
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    Lots of replies, lots of good points on both sides. To answer one Q, yes my fiancee is the long term one & I go to great lengths to spoil her royally and give her what she wants when it's something really not a big deal to me if we differ in opinions. Here's my problem... northwestern Ontario has long winters, I'm stuck inside 6 months of the year... I fight the winter blues/depression cause of it. I designed this house to be big, open, bright with a load of windows and warm feeling to be emotionally uplifting thru the long winters.

    I get that those greys are 'in' and they've been 'in' the last decade... but to me that means that trend will turn in the next 5 years. Classic wood looks are ageless and carry the decades as trends come and go. A base grey is flat, dull, cold... emotionally a bummer to me. I just can't get my head around living with that the next 40 years. I've spend 2 weeks comparing pics and my gut reaction every time is I heavily prefer the light wood and can't see going grey.

    But I think my girl doesn't get my vision of warm but modern. She thinks I want everything old school stain wood like where I am now, baseboards, accents, fixtures, etc. See the pics I attached for my warm but modern. You can do a light floor in a warm tone and white molding/baseboards, darks like browns, chocolates, modern white/grey/silvers on cabinets, furniture, fixtures, pillows, painting bedroom walls, etc etc. I'm more than cool with letting her have her way with all that if I get the warm light floor because I like all those things IF they are set on a 'warm' base.

    I download the attached pics plus another dozen others that are similar to show her all the colours she likes on that warm floor hopefully to achieve that compromise. Concede the floor I want and you can have almost carte blanche decision making on all other decorating decisions.

    I think that's a pretty generous compromise considering I'm paying 100% of the house build. (She's pitching in on all the daily expenses once built)
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  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by titanium4motion View Post
    You stated several things:

    Your girlfriend (Usually refers to dating a person)/fiance' (Usually refers to being engaged and getting married) in your thread.

    Fiance' will inherit the property when you die. You are alive now.

    The house a was built around your wheelchair accessibility need which makes common sense.

    In my honest opinion I would not change anything that is accessible for your needs to accommodate her.

    If you are the owner of the property you have all the decisions to make to any changes or modifications no matter what she says. When you get married. That's a different story. You have to compromise.

    Now to the flooring issue. I've been down that route. I don't know if your contractor gave a dollar limit per square feet for me when I was building my new home we were given $3.50 per square foot of any type of flooring. I went for the best bang for the buck. Carpet was out as with vinyl flooring. I was not so hot about wood flooring because you buy cheap wood flooring it is only a veneer and not the original 3/4 inch oak flooring which is tongue and grooved.

    Natural oak flooring never goes out of style. It should be honey color in appearance. Over time it will scratch up as I learned from experience but it beautiful. You cannot use water to clean it otherwise you'll cause the edges to warp upwards.

    You being the sole home owner it is your choice not hers. She has to live with it since it is your home until marriage. I would accommodate her when you two are married.

    Be careful on floating wood floors. Before I built my home I look at accessible homes and condos. One condo had a floating floor from Pergo and the house was very humid and the floor was buckling upwards which was not a good selling point.

    For me, with a $3.50 per square foot limit I found 18 x 18 x 1/2 inch black granite at $3.49 per square foot. I went with it but they only had 500 pieces. They had a sale going on at the time and I was able to 12 x 12 x 3/8 inch crystal granite for .99 cents per square foot which filled the second bedroom and guest bedroom. I needed an additional 432 square feet more 18 x 18 granite for the breezeway which is 18 feet x 24 feet. I paid $3.89 per square foot. There is a photo of my house under construction in my photo album. One main element I wanted was that a person in a wheelchair didn't lived there but I got something else instead in return which I didn't expect.

    I found these deals at stone tile depot:

    https://www.stonetiledepot.com

    You can not beat a granite floor over tile, carpet, wood or recycled type flooring. I'll post pictures of my flooring tomorrow when I am at my other computer.

    I saw this picture of an oak floor this evening which reminded me of this thread. Natural oak flooring never goes out of style and is acceptable in the past, present and future. Modern homes today use solid oak flooring to give that natural look and feeling.

    Ti
    Never thought of granite floors.....wonder what local prices up here are..... surely more than what you got it at......... pretty look

  5. #15
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    I'm with you on colors for flooring, and for most of the same reasons. I look at them a lot. Be aware that maple flooring, which appears to be in your first photo, darkens over time with exposure to light. , leaving light spaces when you move furniture.

    This seems a perfect opportunity to schedule a session with a counselor and talk about how you approach conflict resolution. It will offer an opportunity to share backstory of why each of you feels the way you do. Feeling heard is very important in relationship, but it is also important not to give up things that are very important to us, individually. i think this is one of those cases where if you went with grey flooring your resentment would fester over time, waiting to glue itself to new offenses. You know how that goes in relationships.

    My partner and I often differ on home questions. it is difficult. We have waited 10 years to replace the cutlery because we could not agree. He wants something new because his old stuff dates to his first marriage. To me it's just knives and forks, you know? But he likes heavy designs that are difficult for me to handle given my small quad hands. Does he remember and sympathize with that? Apparently not. So one lesson here is, do I want to endure live with a guy who is quite self-absorbed forever? Apparently yes. He has good points.

    We finally chanced upon some cutlery that suits both of us and while it is pricy we will buy it for our anniversary. Flooring? We made the decisions together but it turns out both of the choices present problems, so life is never perfect. When it came time to floor "his" room he just told me his requirements (tile, glassy) and I picked it out. You see, he was much to busy with "important things" to accompany me to the tile store. It is usually up to me to see things get done. Disadvantage? I feel alone with it all. Advantage? I get the power.

    Negotiating everyday living while leaving plenty of neutral emotional "space" is key to allowing affection and good conversation, which are my reasons for being in relationship. I spend a lot of time at home, even if I am independent. When he retired in 2016 and suddenly was home a lot it about killed the relationship. We have had to figure out strategies that allow each of us to truly accept the other.

    Take advantage of this as an opportunity to create a "learning moment" by taking this into a counseling session.

    Of course finding a good counselor is not always easy but once you have, they are available for years to come. It is just a 3rd party with no skin in the game.

  6. #16
    These are some pictures of a recent house we designed in CT.
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  7. #17
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    My wife and I installed oak tongue and groove, and slate tile, shortly after my injury. The light color definitely feels more cozy, but it sure has been run ragged by me rolling over it for the past 13 years. My "main drags" are so worn it's down to bare wood in spots, and turning grey! Time for a big refinishing job already! Ugh.
    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

    "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

    "Even what those with the greatest reputation for knowing it all claim to understand and defend are but opinions..." -Heraclitus, Fragments

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Junkyarddog View Post
    These are some pictures of a recent house we designed in CT.
    Some really beautiful design choices in those pics

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tetracyclone View Post
    Take advantage of this as an opportunity to create a "learning moment" by taking this into a counseling session.

    Of course finding a good counselor is not always easy but once you have, they are available for years to come. It is just a 3rd party with no skin in the game.
    We are pretty good at discussing things, being open & honest even when it's not what the other wants to hear.... both of us have been thru a lot together and before we met. If I can't get there on grey, and give her the 'I choose light wood floors and you can decorate everything else" and tell her my reasoning/psychological needs of a warm environment I think she'll understand even if it's initially a bit begrudgingly. I need to be a little selfish on some things I need.

    A close friend of mine, a nurse from my rehab days told me, you've been sacrificing and saving for YOUR house for 20 years.... your fiancee, like all your other friends, were spending their $ on their wants/desires/priorities over that time (like my fiancee traveled extensively more places than I can count multiple times) so why shouldn't you get what you want when you've been sacrificing and going without? That kinda hit home with me...

  10. #20

    War room.

    This was my "war room" in my old house. I sanded it with 60 grit sandpaper with a pad sander and gave it 3 coats of satin polyurethane. Floor area is 12 feet x 14 feet. Half it was my study/work/computer telecommute station and the other side was model building side. I had upper kitchen cabinets install on one wall by the door for storage with two "L" shaped counter tops. I re-sanded and polyurethane the floor to get the house ready for sale. I also put up new oak baseboard.

    This is 3/4 inch tongue and groove oak flooring put in 1950 when the house was built. Still looks great after almost 70 years!

    Last picture is wet polyurethane put on with a hand lambswool applicator. Took about 40 minutes to cover the floor with each coat. When dried I sanded it with fine grit sandpaper wiped with tack cloth and re-polyurethane.

    Oak floors look very beautiful in their natural state.

    Ti
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    "We must overcome difficulties rather than being overcome by difficulties."

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