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Thread: Depressed AF

  1. #11
    Thanks Tetra, I Private Messaged you.

  2. #12
    When I was on apparlyzed I got bitched at for complaining about some thing. I was told to be glad you are only a par not quad and to stop posting your small problems. Some one else posted it did not really matterwhat level we were at. This life changing event is most likely the worst thing to happen in our life. I spend more of time here just reading.
    Last edited by Lavender lady; 10-30-2018 at 09:02 AM.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Tetracyclone View Post
    Scott-
    It feels like I've known and liked you a long time. I'm sorry and frustrated at your situation- frustrated because, while internet communication is real, I am still not a 'real' friend who could visit. Even if I knew where you lived- which is likely too far!

    Here is a view of my town. There is a camera full time watching from the Tramway stop up the mountain. It's Palm Springs. Like most views out the window, not much happens, yet there is a certain serenity if you expand it to full screen.

    https://www.pstramway.com/about-us/tram-cam/
    Tetra, I didn't know that you were in Palm Springs, we spent a few days on vacation there the year before my accident.

    As I posted in another thread I've now got all the legal and medical systems sorted so that I can choose when/where and who with to exit. The method has to follow protocol, I'll be sedated the night before, they will check that I am unresponsive and next day turn off my vent. I can breathe for short periods so the point at which I go is down to my body, it could be minutes it could be hours. Having the knowledge that I can end it whenever I choose has brought a lot of relief. I now go from day to day, don't have long term plans and don't worry about how I will cope as I age. It has helped me cope far better than I did thinking that I had no control. It hasn't changed how I feel about life just gives me an out when I want it, nothing can replace what I miss from my old life nor can I find anything I can enjoy from this one.

  4. #14
    Member Peders's Avatar
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    Scott, and everyone else really.. I just can't believe how tough you have it. The things that you and we have to go through don't even seem possible.. Scott you seem to have the worst nightmare situation.

    This is no solution, I would not even attempt to say it is a solution. It is something I am looking into for myself, and thought maybe it would work for you or any of us. It is now getting colder in Michigan where I live and I will be unable to handle going outside for about the next seven months. Very much stinks. So getting back to my thought, is anyone out there tried virtual reality goggles. I know they are expensive but the oculus ggo commercials look pretty cool. It might allow me or us to see different parts of the world even though we can get there. I think the oculus ones are $250. Very expensive, but I am contemplating it, because I am tired of the view outside of my window!
    Scott and everyone else, you're in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how I get through it some days.. Therefore with some of your situations being worse than mine,, I really don't know how you make it. I love you all, and can only say that even though I don't really know you I consider you my friends in battle!

  5. #15
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    Obviously, there are no substitutes for one-on-one contact -- being in the same room with the folk(s) as you're interacting.

    But, what about "virtual meetups"? E.g., GoToMeeting allows people to video conference (not just one-on-one) in real time. It also gives a friendlier means of communicating -- speech instead of keystrokes.

    I'm not a "social media" person so I don't know if there are more common mechanisms like this, available (GoToMeeting is a "service").

    https://www.gotomeeting.com/b

    OTOH, perhaps the folks who administer this site could consider hosting a similar service for the exclusive use of this forum? (I would have to do some research to see if there is any freely available software to facilitate this)

  6. #16
    Peders, I have considered getting VR gear. I'm not super knowledgeable about all the different types and don't know what would be best. Which are standalone and which require computers/phones to use. I'd want something that's realistic but not too pricey. (Where's the Matrix when you need it?) I worry though, that it VR is that good, I might not return to actual reality.

    Thanks...

  7. #17
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    My heart breaks for everyone in this thread that has shared their situation. I know this isn't a popular thing to say but it is my personal experience and doesn't hurt to throw another option out there. I don't know how anyone, especially those of us with disabilities who live in a world that isn't made for us and our wheelchairs have any hope outside of looking forward to heaven. I love my family and friends and want to stay on this earth as long as I can, but I can only feel that way because I know my time here is a blink of the eye in comparison to eternity where I will be be in a fully restored physical body with no pain forever because I believe in Jesus. So if there is anyone that feels like they are out of options, God is waiting on you with open arms.Honestly, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions. Again, I'm just sharing my personal experience and giving an alternative option to this thread.

    EDIT: let me clarify something I said so there is no confusion. I said "if there is anyone that feels like they are out of options, God is waiting for you with open arms". I did not mean for this to come across like suicide is the answer and God is waiting on you in heaven. I don't believe that at all. And I don't believe God caused my spinal cord injury. We live in a fallen world with free will. I meant God wants a relationship with you here on earth and trusting in him will bring you a joy and peace that cannot come from the things of this life that most of us lost when we became injured anyway. I have seen God bring good from my situation and that of those that are far more disabled than I am. Sorry again for any confusion.
    Last edited by Brad09; 10-31-2018 at 12:28 PM.

  8. #18
    Thanks Brad, faith is hard to keep believing in. Yes many miracles out there but more people living in unjustified situations all over the world. Been in the chair 4 years now. Had hope and belief now it is just living life the best I can. I recall waking up in the hospital and simply thinking you can't beg or barter with God, all you can do is give up or accept. Some days it is just hard to accept this way of living, and thinking I am not good enough to expect a miracle. The decision was made in the er after coding 3 times that I was to stay here on earth. People tell me I have accepted this life with such grace. But really what other choice do we have. I keep my pain inside away from family and friends. They can't help or change me so why tell them, only to have them feel bad. These forums are so good to help me keep going on those bad days. Yes I am so grateful I am only a para. I know we always want what others have, and many people on here would love to have only my injury. None of us would have chosen this way of living. I can't begin to understand the difficulties of being a quad or home bound. Most of my friends have moved on. Unable to see me struggle to do things. As they say you find who your true friends are when tragedy hits. I always thought if my life changed around how I would seek out people who are in chairs to help. I watch An older woman yard in my neighborhood grow out of control now. She would have been my first person. I can't reach her door to knock to see if I could help and would need my outdoor chair to go into her yard and I never travel with it.So i remain an inspiration to others, got to love that statememt. What does that mean? It doesn't change people. Was life really ment to be this hard? Your statement that God is waiting with open arms can really mean 2 things, either he may be here to help you or is waiting in heaven for us. I wish I could offer you help able chef or some solution aside for maybe sending out a pm to people on here that you may feel could be good for you, and then either chatting online or talking on the phone of FaceTime. The words from an old song this world was not meant for you and I.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lavender lady View Post
    Thanks Brad, faith is hard to keep believing in. Yes many miracles out there but more people living in unjustified situations all over the world. Been in the chair 4 years now. Had hope and belief now it is just living life the best I can. I recall waking up in the hospital and simply thinking you can't beg or barter with God, all you can do is give up or accept. Some days it is just hard to accept this way of living, and thinking I am not good enough to expect a miracle. The decision was made in the er after coding 3 times that I was to stay here on earth. People tell me I have accepted this life with such grace. But really what other choice do we have. I keep my pain inside away from family and friends. They can't help or change me so why tell them, only to have them feel bad. These forums are so good to help me keep going on those bad days. Yes I am so grateful I am only a para. I know we always want what others have, and many people on here would love to have only my injury. None of us would have chosen this way of living. I can't begin to understand the difficulties of being a quad or home bound. Most of my friends have moved on. Unable to see me struggle to do things. As they say you find who your true friends are when tragedy hits. I always thought if my life changed around how I would seek out people who are in chairs to help. I watch An older woman yard in my neighborhood grow out of control now. She would have been my first person. I can't reach her door to knock to see if I could help and would need my outdoor chair to go into her yard and I never travel with it.So i remain an inspiration to others, got to love that statememt. What does that mean? It doesn't change people. Was life really ment to be this hard? Your statement that God is waiting with open arms can really mean 2 things, either he may be here to help you or is waiting in heaven for us. I wish I could offer you help able chef or some solution aside for maybe sending out a pm to people on here that you may feel could be good for you, and then either chatting online or talking on the phone of FaceTime. The words from an old song this world was not meant for you and I.
    First, I edited my original post to clear up any confusion about my statement that God is waiting with open arms.

    2nd, I agree that faith is hard, especially in our situations. And I'm not waiting on God to heal me from my SCI. Over the years it has become the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but also an opportunity to relate to and empathize with others as well as help people in my situation in any way that I can. Ultimately we all have purpose. Whether we work full time or are bed bound, with today's technology we can do a lot of things with an internet connection.

    To the OP, I would say find something that you love or are interested in and focus your attention on that. Find online communities or forums for those things and get plugged in. You don't have to have a physical person in your room to experience friendship. Find it online. Even if its sharing your story in a blog, people appreciate when others are being real and understand life isn't really the way it is portrayed on facebook. You may be able to help someone else in a similar situation.

  10. #20
    Senior Member TheAbleChef's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott C4/5 View Post
    I've been doing bed rest for 4 1/2 years now. I used to be depressed but now I just feel emotionally numb. I can't even make myself cry anymore. I laugh and tell jokes when my family and caregivers are with me but when I'm alone I'm nothing. Unless I read or hear something on the news that pisses me off... then I cuss and rant for a few minutes and return to numb. The skin on my butt is paper-thin and tears easily and my bladder leaks incessantly through the SP stoma. I'm afraid that I will never get back up because even if my butt heals and I get my bladder leakage fixed, I still have the problem of my stepdad being to ill from COPD and other ailments to help me get up daily. My morning caregiver is 72 and the day that I got in my chair, to get my broken bed replaced, he was exhausted. Unless I win the lottery so that I could hire extra help, being back in my chair seems like a pipedream. Perhaps if I had a better view out my windows, it wouldn't be so bad but power lines and houses just don't do much for the imagination. The only things that keep me sane are my TV, my music and my laptop. :-/
    That sucks! Sorry to hear about your situation Scott.
    Never Give Up!

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