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Thread: My dad died and I am sick of being disabled

  1. #1
    Senior Member Sarafino's Avatar
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    My dad died and I am sick of being disabled

    Maybe someone else can relate. Most of the time I am ?ok? with being disabled. When shit hits the fan I am not ok with it at all. My dad died on Aug 7th. I knew it was coming, but still. I can?t do what I would want to do in the aftermath. I can?t go on a solo road trip, or go anywhere by myself, really. I would have wanted to go on a walk about. Instead I am in my room, looking out the window. Occasionally I look at nature photos online. I feel so trapped. My condition is degenerative, and it?s taking the use of my hands and arms now. Stress makes it worse, so I am feeling weaker that even a few days ago. To make things even worse (they can always be even worse) my dad died the night before he was to sign paperwork setting up a special needs trust for me. So now it will be years, lawyers will be involved, hopefully I won?t lose my Medicaid, etc. My disability has even infiltrated this. I am so fucking sick of it all.
    chair user since 2009 from a neurological disorder

  2. #2
    Senior Member bigtop1's Avatar
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    Sounds like you are in a dark place. Get a grip on yourself and begin to formulate a new plan with your self. Situations can mount up and consume any of us. Everyone of us on this forum is tired of being handicapped. Everyone of us has been to the point of where you are at right now. Chin up, make a plan to get things straightened out. You know you can do. God bless.
    I refuse to tip toe through life, only to arrive safely at death.

  3. #3
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Oh I'm so sorry. My condolences on your dad. Lucky to have that close relationship for so long .. but it will be a long time before you can see the positive. The pain's too fresh and raw.

    There may be another relative that steps in to take you places .. or you may meet a new friend. We can't tell what the future will bring.

    One day at a time for now. That's a great way to manage stress. Take extra care of yourself and don't worry about the future (too many of us do it).

    Came back to add ... I could do nothing when my mother died. Small town - inaccessible funeral home (had to be lifted in/out but they have a ramp now). Couldn't choose flowers or casket. When they were lowering my mother into the ground, my dad leans down and asked if it was alright? What was I going to say? No!??!? lol
    Last edited by lynnifer; 08-11-2018 at 01:16 PM.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  4. #4
    I'm so sorry about the loss of your father, Sarafino. You won't be able to think clearly for awhile, so be gentle with yourself - as lynnifer says, the pain is too fresh and raw for you to have perspective on what's happened. One day a time is good advice.
    MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    Sorry for your loss. Take your time and allow yourself to heal. <3

  6. #6
    OMG, Sarfino you are living in a nightmare. I am so sorry for you. Whatever your best second source of strength was in the past, lean there now.
    I have had periodic paralysis all my life. I lost my ability to walk in 2011 beginning with a spinal block, which was used for a hip fracture caused by periodic paralysis.

  7. #7
    Senior Member ChesBay's Avatar
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    Very sorry for your loss.
    As others have said, give yourself time to grieve in whatever way you need to.

  8. #8
    Senior Member pfcs49's Avatar
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    We are be people who experience a lot of loss, but this sounds extraordinary.
    I've had my share as well, like losing my son at 23 years.
    I'm a sober alcoholic; that makes things simple! Every day, when I get up, I choose whether to live or to die. So far I've chosen life no matter how difficult or painful.
    Normal people, it isn't so black and white. You have the luxury? of not handling things. Life is difficult. There will be inevitable grief, but the suffering is optional.
    I truly hope you work your way through this and if so, some day you will see the parts of it that were gifts, maybe from your father or your life force.
    Good luck on your travels!

    Seems from your post and bio you're a nature girl that's lost her way into the woods. Me too.
    You're looking at nature photos. Consider this nature-boy's answer to losing the stream, the rocks, and the creatures.
    I keep three planted freshwater aquariums. I brought the stream inside. I spend a lot of serene time watching things grow. I recommend it highly.
    You can start with a complete 10g setup for <$150, complete except inhabitants. Mine is called Bathroom Biotype. You'll never guess where it is
    69yo male T12 complete since 1995
    NW NJ

  9. #9
    Senior Member pfcs49's Avatar
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    We are be people who experience a lot of loss, but this sounds extraordinary.
    I've had my share as well, like losing my son at 23 years.
    I'm a sober alcoholic; that makes things simple! Every day, when I get up, I choose whether to live or to die. So far I've chosen life no matter how difficult or painful.
    Normal people, it isn't so black and white. You have the luxury? of not handling things. Life is difficult. There will be inevitable grief, but the suffering is optional.
    I truly hope you work your way through this and if so, some day you will see the parts of it that were gifts, maybe from your father or your life force.
    Good luck on your travels!

    Seems from your post and bio you're a nature girl that's lost her way into the woods. Me too.
    You're looking at nature photos. Consider this nature-boy's answer to losing the stream, the rocks, and the creatures.
    I keep three planted freshwater aquariums. I brought the stream inside. I spend a lot of serene time watching things grow. I recommend it highly.
    You can start with a complete 10g setup for <$150, complete except inhabitants. Mine is called Bathroom Biotype. You'll never guess where it is
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    69yo male T12 complete since 1995
    NW NJ

  10. #10
    Senior Member pfcs49's Avatar
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    My other one is a little bigger:

    CripZen it's called, and a great place to retreat to. There's so much going on, you just need to get present to it.
    I spend at least an hour a day with it. It certainly shuts down my freight train brain for a while, just like nature used to.

    I know you're probably in no place to think about this now.
    I hope you go (grow?) through this loss and find your bliss. Sometimes life seems impossible for us.
    And sometimes there is great joy.
    Be gentle with yourself, and be generous.
    It will get better
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    69yo male T12 complete since 1995
    NW NJ

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