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Thread: Whats wrong with me.

  1. #1
    Senior Member bigtop1's Avatar
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    Whats wrong with me.

    A rainy morning rant. Our accident happened 10 years ago. Nary a day goes by when I don't curse the driver who hit us. I have a lot of anger and disgust towards this guy. Life was good until that fateful day when he pulled out in front of us as we were driving home on our motorcycle after a short camping trip. I'm sure he didn't just wake up that day and say, I'll go mess someone's life up today. He was honest in admitting fault to the police but, I still hate him. My wife was badly injured and maimed for the balance of her life as well as myself. Am I normal or, are there others who feel like this too. How do I become whole again?
    I refuse to tip toe through life, only to arrive safely at death.

  2. #2
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    I've had to let it go. Otherwise it would've eaten me. You have to do it for you because holding it does nothing but further harm to yourself. But I understand how you feel.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Oddity's Avatar
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    Maybe accept your role in what happened? He didn't put you guys on that bike. Don't get me wrong, I got run over, from behind, on my motorcycle, by a kid without insurance talking on a cell phone. You and I both had every right to be where we were, doing what we were doing, but we also knew how fucking dangerous the activity we were choosing to participate in was. Accidents happen. Accidents between bikes and cars go badly for the bike riders. That's just how it is, and it is a risk we willingly accepted. I hate that we're both crippled for life by the carelessness of others, but we gotta own the risk we assumed, especially if not doing so is causing even more problems. Hope this doesn't sound mean, but it's how I deal with it. Shit happens. We knew that ahead of time.
    "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

    "Even what those with the greatest reputation for knowing it all claim to understand and defend are but opinions..." -Heraclitus, Fragments

  4. #4
    You are not alone. Anger and "what if" thoughts can drive one nuts. Mine just faded sway when some good things started popping up in my life. But as someone said, being angry is like setting yourself on fire to hurt the other person. That makes sense from an intellectual standpoint, but emotions have their own rules. Hang in there.
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  5. #5
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    The way I approached it from day one was that anger and prolonged sadness would do nothing good.
    In fact, I felt (and still do) that anger and wallowing would poison everything.
    So I didn't forgive the woman who nearly killed me, but I chose to let go of the anger and try to handle the grieving process with a forward-looking stance.
    T3 complete since Sept 2015.

  6. #6
    Senior Member djrolling's Avatar
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    I am not sure it matters how we get here. I will not pretend to know how you feel or say how I would feel if I were here from the same set of circumstances that brought you here. I will say that pretty early on I realized that my Day and my life would be far better if I focused on what I had and could do rather than what I could not do and what I had lost or why it happened. I am pretty visible in the community in which I live and people when they get a chance to talk to me communicate in some way or another how impressed they are with how I handle things and how happy I seem. I am pretty quick to tell them that they should have known me the first two years post accident and they would not have been so impressed then. I spent some time focusing on the wrong things and it sucked big time.

    Everything is easier said than done but somehow we have to focus on what we have and can do and if at all possible find something you enjoy and do it. Do it often. My thing is handcycling, hardly a day goes by that I do not cycle at least 5 or 10 miles. Hopefully, I have time and do more but What I do not do is get sidetracked by what I cannot do or what I lost or what I have to pay people to do that I could do myself were I not seated in this chair. 10 years is a long time. I hope you can find a way to leave it in the past. I wish I had some steps for you to follow but I do not. The only thing I can tell you where in it lies with you to be able to do so, to the best of your ability get up each day with the goal of having the best day and rest of your life that you possibly can. I am not saying it is easy. I will say if you do it consistently it gets easier and it is well worth the effort.

  7. #7
    Senior Member bigtop1's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for your input. It helped bring me out of my funk for this day. Everyone had some good thoughts. I favor what oddity had to say the most though. He's absolutely right in my realizing that I should have known the risks involved. I had a good time riding that bike. Now they're gone. That's all there is to it. I'll take my lumps and go on with my life. I still keep up a good attitude and am always positive in the things I do. Sometimes I remember and wonder though. I'm good.
    I refuse to tip toe through life, only to arrive safely at death.

  8. #8
    I'm in a different situation because I crashed my motorcycle all by myself without any help from any cagers.

    The way I figure things, I knew the chances of getting hurt or killed on a bike when I bought one. I decided to roll the dice every time I went out for a ride and eventually my number came up. Sucks, but it's done, and knowing the same risks and still being the idiot that I am, my first stop after a magical SCI cure would be the motorcycle shop. Like any degenerate gambler, I still like the odds.

    I would hope that if I was hit by someone else I would still be able to look at things from a similar perspective, seeing them as just one of the many dangers on the road and that they just happened to be the one that put an end to my run, but obviously I'm not in your situation, so I have no idea if I could actually pull that off.


    PS: Glad you're out of your "funk", but when did funk become such a derogatory term? I'm tempted to take that personally.

  9. #9
    Bigtop, you are whole.
    My situation is quite different though, I never thought about blaming someone else. I always tell people *I* picked the wrong parents who gave me this genetic disease.
    I have had periodic paralysis all my life. I lost my ability to walk in 2011 beginning with a spinal block, which was used for a hip fracture caused by periodic paralysis.

  10. #10
    Senior Member djrolling's Avatar
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    I left something out. I do not think anything is wrong with you. I think you are very normal and just as human as the next person. Our "normal" and "humaness"( I know that is not a word but I think y'all know what I mean) do not always work in our favor and lots of times are the very thing we have to overcome or rise above so to speak.

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