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Thread: I need advice to escape my current toxic environment.

  1. #11
    All of the above are great suggestions. I think the one to start with small steps is what I would recommend. It will not be easy and you certainly will need to enlist your parents aid at some point. I would also suggest that you begin to take control of your life by sitting down with your mother and explain in as non-threatening a way as you can the issues with the way you are currently using the attendants. She may respond more to that than "I am working towards moving out".

    As far as finding attendants, some other places to try are churches, nursing schools and vocational tech programs. No guarantees, but worth the try.

    ckf
    The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

  2. #12
    Senior Member
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    may i add 1 more hope you have a sp for urinary and get a colostomy for bowels its definetly easier on u and caretaker

  3. #13
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sythellri View Post
    I insist on trying to go on a diet but she refuses to cooperate often starting huge arguments because I refuse to eat large amounts.
    It is not easy, especially when in your situation but you need to take control. The sooner the better.

    Also as long as you have a good math background, there should be no problem getting a computer science degree. As someone on here stated, money can buy you independence. So get your degree, get a job and a place to live. Talk to the vocational service department of your state next week to help finish your education.

    BTW, lying in bed and not burning calories while eating a lot of food is not a good thing. The more you weigh makes transfers, getting dressed, weight shifts, every time you need to move your body, requires more energy. Ask anyone on here, trying to lose weight while being a quadriplegic is a very difficult thing.

  4. #14
    get back to school as soon as possible man.

    The way I see it, education and work are truly the only two ways to real independence.

    when it comes to hiring personal care assistants, what I found best was to contact all of the nursing colleges in the area, draw up a quick flyer and send it to their office, and ask them to send it to their students. I ended up with half a dozen to a dozen good applicants, ranging from the ages of 18 just starting nursing school, up to a couple middle-age women who are going back to school after working as a certified nursing assistants for years.
    9
    I put an advertisement up on Craigslist, and did not get very good results, nothing compared to my nursing school strategy.

    I understand that the family situation is not easy, mine certainly isnt either.

    but one area that you can definitely get work in is the medical field. I strongly suggest you consider it.

    I just graduated with a degree in history, suffered an SCI at 28 over the summer, and now am C4-5 incomplete.

    hit me up if you got any questions on strategy, or wanna talk man

  5. #15
    PS, you should be getting at least $750/month from the federal government plus probably some more from your state, at least a couple hundred dollars, I would imagine California is ppreetty good with that stuff.

    I would also imagine that California has a system where the state pays for personal care attendant wages for about 5 to 10 hours per day roughly.


    get yourself on the section 8 waiting lists to find subsidized housing that the state pays for mostly. that way you can find a regular apartment, that will only cost you about one third of your monthly income, that $750 or whatever it is, then the state pays for your personal care attendants for about 10 hours a day, then you get on food stamps to coverr $200 per month or so for groceries, start going to school and you and like I said, then you have a pretty stable life all set for yourself with good prospects for the future.

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Vindex View Post
    PS, you should be getting at least $750/month from the federal government plus probably some more from your state, at least a couple hundred dollars, I would imagine California is ppreetty good with that stuff.

    I would also imagine that California has a system where the state pays for personal care attendant wages for about 5 to 10 hours per day roughly.


    get yourself on the section 8 waiting lists to find subsidized housing that the state pays for mostly. that way you can find a regular apartment, that will only cost you about one third of your monthly income, that $750 or whatever it is, then the state pays for your personal care attendants for about 10 hours a day, then you get on food stamps to coverr $200 per month or so for groceries, start going to school and you and like I said, then you have a pretty stable life all set for yourself with good prospects for the future.
    Yeah, my situation has updated a little bit since I made this post originally. I’m going back to school and I am already registered to attend classes that start in two weeks. I definitely know that money is really the key to independence.

    Regarding SSI and SSDI, I don’t receive very much because I didn’t work very much before my accident and I’m also living with my family so I receive about 600 bucks maybe a little bit less. I am already signed up for subsidized housing but the waitlist in San Francisco is four or five years at least and any further away distance wise would be detrimental towards pursuing an education. I would need to move at least an hour away for any kind of reasonable wait time for subsidized housing. I could probably finish my education and most likely will before I receive any housing at all.

    Regarding nursing assistance, I have IHSS hours but that’s minimum wage pay period is really difficult to hire anybody for an extended period of time. Since it’s minimum-wage, they will jump ship for anything that pays more and I don’t need help for long periods of time every day so two hours shifts make it even harder to hire someone.

    I have thought about going through an agency but the licensed agency cost about $28 an hour while the unlicensed agencies are about $22 an hour. IHSS pays $14 an hour in San Francisco. I’m a bit torn on which to pick. The only way I would be able to afford and agency would be to have my mom receive the IHSS pay then use that to pay the agency. That has its own demerits because of taxes. I only need help for two hours in the morning and two hours in the evening but as you can see from The dollar amounts, if I were to hire an agency for two hours that would be equivalent to four hours IHSS. I could just tell that person that I could give them more hours in exchange for them agreeing to not jump ship. There are pros and cons to both.

    Right now I’m considering to simply hire IHSS for two hours a day then get in touch with an agency for short notice on call help. I have been calling a bunch of agencies around my area but none of them offer only short notice/on call help. I don’t really have a community to hire from either. I have been recommended churches and what not but this is only short notice/on call help. I wouldn’t even be able to guarantee asking them for help once a month.

  7. #17
    Suggest you look at recruiting college students to work as your attendants. Nursing, PT, or OT students are often interested in shorter shifts, and willing to take the IHSS hourly pay (which you are not allowed to supplement). Your turnover may be fairly often (every semester for example) but sometimes they can refer you to a classmate who is interested. Many schools allow the posting of ads for such work on their bulletin boards, and some will even have faculty announce job openings in class. There are several nursing schools in San Francisco, including UCSF and San Francisco State.

    Don't consider your idea of having your mother listed as your attendant with IHSS but having the work done by someone else that you then pay. IHSS would consider this fraud and you could risk loosing your IHSS benefits and even having to pay a fine. IHSS does spot audits on this on a regular basis.

    (KLD)
    The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

  8. #18
    I found nursing, OT and PT students really responsive and helpful when I recruited directly. Also, they’re pretty flexible in terms of schedule.

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by annev308 View Post
    I found nursing, OT and PT students really responsive and helpful when I recruited directly. Also, they’re pretty flexible in terms of schedule.
    I shot an email to the nursing program at the school then I’ll be attending. How did you advertise to the students?

  10. #20
    Called the Health Sciences Dean’s office and was polite, explaining what I was looking for and asking for guidance on how to best post the job to students in specific programs as opposed to through student employment. Reached out to associate deans for given programs. Got email addresses for professors whose classes had clinical hour requirements and/or components and career clubs and emailed them. If I had been living on or near campus or taking classes, the Accessibility Services folks would’ve helped with recruiting and matching.

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