I'm 26 years old and a C4/5 injury. I just passed the fifth anniversary of my injury. I'm currently stuck in a stagnant situation where I don't see much hope for improvement. I was hoping to get some advice on how I can change this. It all boils down to two main problems:

1. I have an extremely over protective mother.
2. Our inability to find a consistent caretaker.

I will elaborate more on these two problems first, a short history on my injury.

I was studying to become an aeronautical engineer but at 21, I fell off a cliff and broke my neck. I stayed in rehab at Santa Clara Valley Medical Center (henceforth SCV) for three months which was slightly longer than their average duration but this was primarily because I was part of a clinical trial for SCI. After those three months, I went home in San Francisco which is an hour and a half away from SC. I liked my experience during rehab but I felt it didn't really prepare me for complete ignorance of every day society towards spinal cord injury. I ended up with a minor bedsore after about a month so I went to one of the local hospitals here in San Francisco. For reasons completely unknown to me, they debrided a giant hole in my sacrum for what was an extremely minor bedsore. I suspect it was either because they didn't turn me while I was hospitalized or they made a mistake about what state my bedsore was. I spent the next 2 and a half years hospitalized because of that debriding, the following flap (which seems to be stretched too tight) and another bedsore from the hospital.

I have been home for over a year now but my situation is very stagnant. I'm still stuck in bed 24/7because of the difficulty in finding a caretaker and this difficulty is increased by the overprotectiveness of my mother. An example would be turning. One teaching a new caretaker, my mom will have something like 50 or 60 different steps to turning me which includes how thick pillows should be, what direction to flatten creases and just all-around extreme perfection towards something that doesn't require it. My mom also seems to think that I'm made of glass which is extremely frustrating. I insist on trying to go on a diet but she refuses to cooperate often starting huge arguments because I refuse to eat large amounts. My stepdad is also a complete idiot who doesn't understand the SCI has no cure and frequently tells me to just think about standing up in order to heal myself.

These problems are increased because we can't find a consistent caretaker. My mom's extremely high requirements turned away most people and the situation more than often ends up with the caretaker we hired taking care of my parents household needs so my parents can take care of me. This is really difficult for me because I'm trying to become independent from my parents due to my mothers overprotectiveness. We don't have funding beyond IHSS to hire caretakers either. I do have around 300 IHSS/WPCS hours which currently goes to my mom and stepdad.

The only people who are willing to do the necessary work for minimum-wage seem to be almost exclusively Hicks from China. Let me explain, my family is Chinese and my mom is completely inapt at housework. She seems to think that hiring a caretaker should entail that caretaker taking care of the entire household. This ends up with 80% of the caretakers work being cooking, washing dishes and cleaning the house. This is a very frustrating habit of my mother that I can't break. That's why all of our caretakers end up being people who have basically never seen an iPhone or iPad in their life. They are completely unfamiliar with the necessary tasks of caretaker and also quite often uneducated. It doesn't help that the living costs of the bay area are so high that no one will work for minimum-wage.

I'm completely at a loss on how to fix this situation. I understand that most of the problems stem from my mother but I'm completely dependent upon her because of my injury. Getting counseling for her will not work because she will be offended at the very idea. I also am unable to support myself monetarily. Is my only option to go to a community home?

I want to be able to support myself financially but there seems to be nothing I can do.

Please any advice on how to escape this situation would be extremely welcome.