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Thread: Me Before You

  1. #101
    Quote Originally Posted by Oddity View Post
    Ahhhh...I see.

    I recall James brining up some Clayton worship in a past thread in which I responded as I am apt to do.
    Quote Originally Posted by JamesMcM View Post
    We have discussed in a few times yes, but I read a thread that was created long before I was a member by someone else in which you for were either the first or one of the first people to comment and you called him pretty much weak and cowardly for what he did.
    Ok. James obviously saw a different user name criticizing Clayton as weak and cowardly. I didn't realize you, Oddity, told James you were the one and the same poster in that old thread.

  2. #102
    Senior Member Oddity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chick View Post
    Ok. James obviously saw a different user name criticizing Clayton as weak and cowardly. I didn't realize you, Oddity, told James you were the one and the same poster in that old thread.
    I don't recall ever connecting that dot for him. I'm pretty sure I reiterated those feelings in more recent threads that James and I have participated in. Yeah, I'm still more than a little bitter. Call it a character flaw.
    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

    "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

    "Even what those with the greatest reputation for knowing it all claim to understand and defend are but opinions..." -Heraclitus, Fragments

  3. #103
    Quote Originally Posted by Oddity View Post
    I don't recall ever connecting that dot for him. I'm pretty sure I reiterated those feelings in more recent threads that James and I have participated in. Yeah, I'm still more than a little bitter. Call it a character flaw.
    Ah ha! My instinct was right on. I thought it odd he'd even make a connection, as I figured you wouldn't really have reason to, even with recent threads on the same topics. So I remain a bit skeptical. Call it a good character flaw.
    Last edited by chick; 09-10-2016 at 04:47 AM.

  4. #104
    Senior Member CapnGimp's Avatar
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    SOMEWHERE on my many hard drives, I have a pdf that Clayton wrote(book) detailing his life before and after SCI, and why he was going to 'off' himself. Bob Clark sent it to me right after Clayton killed himself. As most of the older folks here know, Bb and I were friends and spoke together much, played games online together. His brother killed himself, my sister killed herself, both able bodied people. Bob was more sympathetic to Clayton's condition than I. I am of the mind that suicide is a non-option, or at it's "best", something best put off for a LONG time. I will have to find it. If I remember correctly, Clayton only sent it to Bob/ or maybe a select few.
    I think JamesMcM is caught in the vicious circle of self pity that is impossible to break away from because he spends so much time concentrating on self and trying to rationalize his feelings to others. If a tenth of that enery were focused on the more positive items which he says he is working towards, it would break the cycle. There were a few high level quads here years ago that I wish were around to voice their opinions. I doubt it would penetrate his barrier at this time though. As one who 'gave up on myself' when I came out of the coma early on and found myself overwhelmed with joy that I was STILL alive, he's not going to pay much attention to what I say. Sure, as one who could only roll my head from side to side, speak in a quiet voice and had to be spoonfed for almost a month with a feeding tube at the same time, I was caving in to the realization that I couldn't live a normal life BUT never desired to off myself. What a wimp. I just hang in there and deluded myself that it was all good. Gradually, I got the full use of my arms and hands back, I thank God for that also, but I still had to have a few different folks digging crap out of me with there big old fingers for a few months. By the time the first couple months were up, I had resolved that since I can't feel it, it doesn't matter. I look back on the time that I told the nurses I didn't NEED to learn how to do a bowel program, I was fine with letting it come out on it's own and someone rolling me over and cleaning me up, because I couldn't fathom the thought that at some point in time, when I if I ever could use my arms and hands, it was gonna be ME that was digging the crap out! At that point I was fine talking about the Rockets or Astros to the guy cleaning my pipes or gardening and how to teach your kids to ride a bike to the women who had the unfortunate duty, just glad I wasn't able yet. Seems strange now, looking back on it. Similar to boot camp, when I learned I was going to have to be part of a team and excel as a group, instead of concentrating on myself being 'above and beyond' the 'others'. Hmmph...strange indeed.
    WelP, let me find that book Clayton wrote. If I can locate it, I'll upload it to James. He will have a good read of someone who thinks like he does, albeit a much lower level of injury. May take a few days, today is the Sabbath, I got up early to study a bit in the Bible before church later and mistakenly hit my browser icon, answered a pm and wound up perusing a bit.
    James, if you will, hit up the thread where I posted a link to some vids in the religion and spirituality forum. Scan the synopsis of a few of them, if any catch your eye, they are free. I hope you find your way out of the funk you are in, that you call your reality, I really do. When I got the news that my sister, at 46, had put a gun to her heart and killed herself, it hurt me more than my sci. It destroyed my mom and my brother and sister living, changed them forever. Not to mention her two daughters. There is a reason some of us term it a selfish choice. It's similar to the breakup of a real marriage, in that it spills over into OTHERS lives. You just took the easy way out.

  5. #105
    Quote Originally Posted by chick View Post
    Definition reinforces what I said.

    Nope, I never commented on your individual circumstances here. Thats something YOU are preoccupied with and consumed by, in addition to being consumed by what you THINK others are thinking about you.

    Like I said, I'm not interested in talking about your individual circumstances. Other than you repetitively talking about your circumstances (and redundantly so) and what you think other people are thinking about you, and projecting all of your personal feelings about your individual circumstance onto others here, you haven't said anything original or thoughtful on the issue of disability and value of life, nor have you said anything intriguing worth exploring further regarding the themes brought up on those issues. Because of your preoccupation with your own circumstances you have been unable to discuss the broader issues, and essentially shutting down others from discussing them. You've insulated yourself within the comfort of your misery. That's your prerogative. I'm just not interested in commiserating to validate your ego. I wouldn't be doing you any favors by doing so, being that it's actually pretty fragile and insecure (which accounts for the repeated lashing out on others here and accusing them of being delusional).

    No one is asking or telling you to lower expectations or bend your principles. NO ONE is telling you this but YOU. Once you begin to recognize this, you may be more able to focus less on yourself and be more open to hearing what others are saying, and maybe... just MAYBE... be more able to discuss the broader issuues.
    No not exactly, what you're "Interpretation" is clinging to is that honour and dignity is subjective which technically is true but in this situation I would consider it more of a cop out. I don't know your level of injury, so I don't know if you are can fully imagine a circumstance like this; but would you consider a state where you remain basically motionless and another person or persons proceed to roll you over, then have your bowels and bladder managed, get rolled back over, have your legs spread wide open so they can wipe your genitals and if needed apply baby powder, then they get you dressed, rolled over again to have a harness slid under you which is used to Connect to a lift which awkwardly carries you and your lifeless body out of your bed places you went to your chair. Everyone then situate you in your chair, reaches down your pants to pull your testicles out from under your ass , Unplug your chair and hand you what you need. During that one to three hours would you consider that a state where the of honour and respect. No, because it's University undignified, substantially so for a grown man it's humiliating. And this is but one aspect just the morning aspect but it will take place every day. As I said about grown man and the fact the hair on their next stands up even hearing the word prostate check, as an able-bodied person this isn't even considerable, if the idea is hypothetically proposed numerous polls show 90% say they'd rather be dead,because it's disgusting because it's undignified. It's not to say that the individual cannot go on to do respectable things from their perspective, it's just that the time for indignity will always occur . It's kind of situation is very severe, the process itself is not subjectively undignified to believe such a process is not undignified is undeniable delusionit doesn't matter about what you do after the process I'm talking about the process itself simple as that . Now of course the severity of the impact that has on you is subjective, it's based on the individual for some it's just a do what you got to do, other people are so used to it they don't even think about it, and for others each time destroys a little more of them. To except and adapt to the reality this is a daily occurrence and not be deeply bothered by it for anyone that wasn't born like this principles will have to bend. in a lot of teachings of honour to Bend one principles (especially for something as trifle as continuing to breathe specially if children are not in the picture, let alone a life of dependency) One dissolves himself of honor. Of course in today's society that sounds "idiotic" or something along that lines laughable as it is.


    There is no 'dignity' in a condition. There's only dignity in HOW one deals with the condition. See this quote you made is ridiculous, it is to imply that dignity or in this case indignity does not exist or at least is not meaningful if you do not allow it to be. And I've repeated myself too much on what not allowing it to be consists of. As you said yourself " coping with that that is disgusting, does not make it not disgusting. I just wish all of these recycled, slightly altered one-liners would stop sugarcoating it stop pretending to be more than they are and just get to it "keep breathing, no matter the circumstances, no matter what you have to resort to , or what you have to get other people to resort to for you,keep breathing because we have no idea what is next"

    Ugnhh I think, and I may be wrong but I think you're misinterpreting what I mean by my individual circumstance. I just mean anything to do with me not just the injury or how I live with it or what I think of it literally anything to do with me. So I wrote a large post touching on many issues, some of which were my perspectives but mostly my perspectives of coping with spinal cord injury as a whole it's ugliness, it's redundancy it's benefit and it's potential origin, it's destructive outcome to the cause, the ridiculous reality we do nothing to fight this injury instead we just constantly try to prove we still have meaning blah blah. Which is the case with this movie and the attention it.etc. a bunch of stuff that is way bigger than me. And you inquired about what I said about Clayton and oddity, so that's what I mean, then I had to address that and then address what came of that response etc. also keep in mind I am talking with oddity as well who again is mostly inquiring about my individual perspectives and certain aspects that he considers me minimal lysing other peoples "tremendous effort" and yes I am tying the two of you together when I keep saying the conversation keeps being dragged into the direction where I have to talk about individual circumstances, rather then the big picture I'm trying to get to. and it's very likely I'm not conveying it properly, I'm also writing a lot because I'm so sick of us being a bunch of bums lying to ourselves saying how were fighting this disability by living with it, which would be one thing if it only affected us but it still continues to spread and ruin peoples lives and we're just all busy coping and telling us how strong we are, rather than going out the issue. And I was absolutely repulsed by the responses this movie got, it was disgusting the disabled people thought they looked strong by the response they gave when actually they looked incredibly weak of course able-bodied people aren't going to say that or even think that one because One they are ignorant to the full reality two because they coddle the disabled.

    Never once did I say anyone was telling me to bend my principles, although on numerous different occasions has the bullshit reverse psychology been attempted on me oh I thought you were strong that kind of garbage, but I digress. When I sort of lashed out I was merely just hoping that if I put affirmative words about my full perspective and stance on coping and it's repulsiviness given dependency. That you'd either be able to say oh he's a lost cause, and MoveOn And/or conclude this guy is weak, ha ha not going to change and we can move on to talking about the disabled community as a whole, and complete BS indoctrination of the ideology you clearly believe in,I wonder why.? Or even better Address the fact that SCI research is in the sorry state it is because of this crap!

    you're misunderstanding that I want to sit here and talk about myself, and I want to slam coping so I can make myself feel bigger because I don't cope like some small man complex. I just wanted to have a conversation that I started the thread about, but clearly where do you can realize it or not you kind a have your backs up, and seem you're looking through my threads for two things 1) something that bothers you, offends you or someone you know or perspective you have etc. 2) a supposed hole in what I'm writing at least the part that you look at , something that you can suddenly mock,question exhibit a the whole Clayton thing.
    Maybe I'll just confess and that will end it, even through the computer I shutter at your shear will and strength, I could never hope to read such a godlike level of bravery rivalling that of Achilles himself, to welcome paralysis and never look back deny in dignity because in your eyes it's not even their sheer willpower alone vanished its existence. This goes to everyone Who is interpreting anything I say defensively, fear not I am but a peasant that will never accept for I am just too weak and cowardly what was me.

    Finally I got that off my chest... Annnyways I don't know if you pick this up with what I wrote eat earlier, because you don't read everything can't blame you there but obviously that's going to lead into miscommunication which has obviously taken place. you've often said, as well as others that you can either cope accept it or die, there is a third one of course the all to comfortably seated will claim it to be illogical and ridiculous, but you could put all the cards on the table for recovery to at least gain independence or at least an acceptable function level. And no I don't mean hard work in physiotherapy and your recover, of course that's the initial part of it and most injuries will benefit that, of course us completes will not but you need to keep that work ethic on the back burner advocacy, research more research, preventing secondary complications and paralysis and most injuries will benefit that, of course us completes will not but you need to keep that work ethic on the back burner advocacy, research more research, preventing secondary complications and paralysis rot rot to keep the body , donate, enrol in clinical trials, incorporate your own protocol into the clinical trial. I could write a whole thread on this, fact is even if it doesn't help you in someway small or big it will help because therefore it'll help a ridiculous amount of people in the future, as I said that would make all of this "heroic coping" nothing but a thing of an obsolete past.

  6. #106
    Quote Originally Posted by Oddity View Post
    Fair enough, on several points. I often skim the center of your posts, they are so long, and my attention span so short. I tend to focus on the first and last paragraphs with any amount of scutiny. I could indeed be missing much of the subtly of your points of view.

    My feelings about Clayton are charged with the emotion of intimacy, and not a good barometer of anything other than themselves.

    If you recall our earliest interactions, I was positing you didn't need to be miserable and you were positing that anything other than being miserable was being delusional. My intention was (and is) to present points of view that forward the idea that "misery is as misery does", rather than that of misery being an objective fact of a particular state of being.

    For folks caught in the throes of misery this can really piss them off. I understand that. That's me being an asshole, preferring tough love over patting people on the head and commiserating. It's probably a good thing I'm not a professional counselor.

    I went from trying to convince you that life could still be fulfilling to wondering why you'd continue to bother with living if you were so convinced of the opposite. Especially when you enable and commiserate with other people in pain, which is an even bigger tragedy IMO.

    I don't like seeing people in pain, and I KNOW it is possible to transcend the pain of SCI (of any sort), because I've known SO MANY people that have done it, regardless of the level of SCI. I'll continue to push back against the idea that it's delusional to cope well and factual to hate one's existence. Just as I'm sure you'll continue to post about people's fingers up your butt, perhaps the most common theme across your many posts, almost fetish-like.


    (And, the difference between para and quad are obvious, which is why I stick to ideas and comments that are universally applicable)
    can't blame you there I have a lot to say, but I fully understand. Needless to say obviously that's going to lead to miscommunication; but who cares. At the same time despite my numerous mistakes both spelling and grammar I have been complimented on my writing many times, told to write actualLy as a writer by a few nuts. So Who knows, anyone ever has time to kill you might actually find something interesting at least. Anyways to it:

    Yes but even if it was fitting to who I am to cope, I would never allow it I don't want it, there is literally nothing of substance worth doing, God sakes if you want to do anything you need somebody to walk you out like a dog and help you through the whole thing otherwise you're not doing it! And yeah I find it absolutely disgusting on many different levels for many of the different circumstances. But like chick I feel you only think there's coping or death, well guess it's my luck of the unlucky to live in a time where people are gaining subtle recovery even the most severe injuries, so there is the option to actually fight the injury. My animosity comes from the filth that is constantly shovelled our way in rehab, that's regurgitated by other disabled people and thrown around and nobody's thinking about that fight,A fight that if you were a part of in its success it would be an accomplishment of a lifetime few will ever live up to. it would literally change the world for the better undeniably. I started this thread because I look around, and it is and more relevant after that movie I was completely repulsed and literally ashamed to even be associated by default with such fragile individuals, diluted in a visual struggle to prove they still have meaning yet feeling so empowered it made my skin crawl, having the full picture of what their reality consist of did not help.

    Look right off the get-go, in the rehab centres on the walls, the doctors, peer support you're going to hear a lot of stuff that is delusional that's just the reality there's no way around it, that's the best we can offer at this point. As I always make clear I speak from a perspective of dependency so I only speak of the most severe injuries that are fully dependent,and I couldn't feel stronger that is not acceptable way for a human being to live for a number of reasons. Obviously as a paraplegic you're not going to understand the full implications not necessarily just the injury but also of the different tactics that are used to help, what it is to be depended how you have to look at it, the difference in the mental damage for a whole host of reasons that impact varies based on the individual. As I had said with your kind of injury every day is dependent on your ability, it's done on your time and it requires your strength your resilience to get around your disability and get it done, I can see where the notion of respect and virtue comes from that. But when that is not the case, when one's strengths is irrelevant because it cannot be implemented and one is to just lay there and expect to be cared and coddled all of that mindset/ perspective is null and void,The variable of dignity verse indignity is also another thing entirely. So when I speak of all this delusion, you haven't even the slightest clue where I'm coming from I don't care if you know 200 quads that makes no difference. I believe when we start to get to the complete C5 and up that severe; alterations start happening to the mind again similar to Stockholm syndrome, institutionalization these are the two obvious very fitting examples that's why I keep repeating. Amongst this population you're more likely to hear the things like "through positivity, perseverance anything is possible", " i'm paralyzed from the neck down but I can still pretty much do anything", these are delusions to the very definition especially considering how strongly they believe it it's troubling, i've talked to people like this in person and my stomach literally turns that is not something one can do by choice that is a bodily response to something disruptive. These are also the kind of injuries where someone will comb their hair, and genuinely consider it an accomplishment, they will have caregivers come in three times a day and despite not being able to go out on their own especially if they want to do anything substantial they will still consider themselves independent, as if there is a new dictionary once you become disabled. So you're not going to tell me the people that live mostly only able to move their face do not reach a point of delusion, I have seen it for myself, I've read it countless amount of times it is not paraplegia, it is not incomplete quadriplegia in this situation almost nothing can move nothing can be done without waiting for help, life becomes a schedule structured for the people that have to help you; bedtime comes back from its abysmal grave after the age of 10, The body can feel nothing; no signals go to the brain in darkness the body is gone eyesight is the only awareness I could go on and on. But this is completely against nature in every way possible from how the body manages it filths, to the bodies mechanics and structural needs, to what the mind and the body needs.

    And I have also gone into the subject again mostly pertaining to the most severe injuries,that individuality and individual circumstance plays a huge role in "coping" some people it will never happen, some people are more predisposed to it, for some it will be harder for others it'll be easier and everything in between. Clayton despite being an independent was never going to cope.I understand you knew him personally and that makes it as you said and intimate. But we all got a very real look into the depths of his perspective and individuality in relevance to sci. It was never going to happen, even if it could he did not want it to happen that much he made clear before he left.

    All the many people that you know that have lived with it, are the reason that people like me who asked and then resorted to begging to let nature take it's course were denied that right. because like you said "so many" people have accepting it we were thrown in with that lot, a massive generalization and assumption that "hey with enough time he'll realize that he would rather keep breathing even if it means being completely dependent"! so in a way those people are responsible for the suffering that some individuals have had to go to by resorting to starvation for months to escape the life that was chosen for them, that they were never going to accept that amount of conviction and commitment makes that really obvious even more obvious than writing a very angry book that says more than any amount of words could ever hope to say. Also the fact that the disabled community as it is so hell-bent on worrying about themselves, coping, proving how active they are going out of their way to publicly express how much they love their life despite the disability, literally condoning the disability and it's continuous spread, but also nine times out of 10 putting no effort into actually fighting the disability for themselves and other people. As I've said many times there are no heroes amongst us, at least in the vast vast majority of the case... Instead we claim we are fighting the disability by living with it, delusion yes, but also only going to benefit the coping mechanism of the individual saying that crap sure as hell is not a benefit to any of the many people that are having their lives ruined as we speak! Yay spinal cord injury community pat ourselves on the back,let's continue to go on about how incredibly tough we are, ya, cool another few decades maybe even a century of untreated spinal cord injuries all on us. I always figure we the most severely afflicted, should know better, we should have the greatest desire to do something for ourselves but also because we know the full damage that can be dealt, and it is people in our condition that have resorted to be months of starvation not the lower injuries, ours... And since we have the full knowledge we are by far the most responsible and guilty!

    Your last comment that I can't even type the word literally made my fucking soul drop, then I thought about your luxurious lifestyle how you handle all that on your own for a second I filled with rage and I had that life in me then I realize what am I gonna do with that I'm severely crippled even if he was my neighbour and a lollypop I couldn't do anything. But you can basically ##%%## ###%%^***++ $$&&$&& twice around the block if you please, that would be appropriate for saying that kind of shit! I wish I was delusional enough to say Karma is a bitch and take even the slightest satisfaction from it, but I just feel retarded for saying it, so take that...
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 09-10-2016 at 09:21 AM.

  7. #107
    Quote Originally Posted by CapnGimp View Post
    SOMEWHERE on my many hard drives, I have a pdf that Clayton wrote(book) detailing his life before and after SCI, and why he was going to 'off' himself. Bob Clark sent it to me right after Clayton killed himself. As most of the older folks here know, Bb and I were friends and spoke together much, played games online together. His brother killed himself, my sister killed herself, both able bodied people. Bob was more sympathetic to Clayton's condition than I. I am of the mind that suicide is a non-option, or at it's "best", something best put off for a LONG time. I will have to find it. If I remember correctly, Clayton only sent it to Bob/ or maybe a select few.
    I think JamesMcM is caught in the vicious circle of self pity that is impossible to break away from because he spends so much time concentrating on self and trying to rationalize his feelings to others. If a tenth of that enery were focused on the more positive items which he says he is working towards, it would break the cycle. There were a few high level quads here years ago that I wish were around to voice their opinions. I doubt it would penetrate his barrier at this time though. As one who 'gave up on myself' when I came out of the coma early on and found myself overwhelmed with joy that I was STILL alive, he's not going to pay much attention to what I say. Sure, as one who could only roll my head from side to side, speak in a quiet voice and had to be spoonfed for almost a month with a feeding tube at the same time, I was caving in to the realization that I couldn't live a normal life BUT never desired to off myself. What a wimp. I just hang in there and deluded myself that it was all good. Gradually, I got the full use of my arms and hands back, I thank God for that also, but I still had to have a few different folks digging crap out of me with there big old fingers for a few months. By the time the first couple months were up, I had resolved that since I can't feel it, it doesn't matter. I look back on the time that I told the nurses I didn't NEED to learn how to do a bowel program, I was fine with letting it come out on it's own and someone rolling me over and cleaning me up, because I couldn't fathom the thought that at some point in time, when I if I ever could use my arms and hands, it was gonna be ME that was digging the crap out! At that point I was fine talking about the Rockets or Astros to the guy cleaning my pipes or gardening and how to teach your kids to ride a bike to the women who had the unfortunate duty, just glad I wasn't able yet. Seems strange now, looking back on it. Similar to boot camp, when I learned I was going to have to be part of a team and excel as a group, instead of concentrating on myself being 'above and beyond' the 'others'. Hmmph...strange indeed.
    WelP, let me find that book Clayton wrote. If I can locate it, I'll upload it to James. He will have a good read of someone who thinks like he does, albeit a much lower level of injury. May take a few days, today is the Sabbath, I got up early to study a bit in the Bible before church later and mistakenly hit my browser icon, answered a pm and wound up perusing a bit.
    James, if you will, hit up the thread where I posted a link to some vids in the religion and spirituality forum. Scan the synopsis of a few of them, if any catch your eye, they are free. I hope you find your way out of the funk you are in, that you call your reality, I really do. When I got the news that my sister, at 46, had put a gun to her heart and killed herself, it hurt me more than my sci. It destroyed my mom and my brother and sister living, changed them forever. Not to mention her two daughters. There is a reason some of us term it a selfish choice. It's similar to the breakup of a real marriage, in that it spills over into OTHERS lives. You just took the easy way out.
    Yeah I'm sorry my wimpiness cannot be redeemed by your unbending courage which was truly shown during a few months of dependency welcoming it with open arms, dignity, being a burden, honor, freedom, principles what are those right. Sounds like stuff for a bunch of cowards, I truly Trimble in your sheer strength and empowerment, you are definitely a hero...

    By the way I read what Clayton wrote The man perform seppukku on the premise that he was dishonouring himself, yeah whimp keep telling yourself that...

    Look dude sorry about your sister, but when your life you know like the rest of it not a few months is going to be fully paralyzed completely dependent for the rest your life ending your life is completely rational, in fact I think in some cases it's the appropriate action to take! I was just too much of a wimp to go through with it The one chance I had in private, I was by my old pond filthy thing hate water especially that kind of swamp water. anyways there were other factors as well, Family, a girl that had become very close to me at the time and let's just say I was going through stuff was very prominent on my mind as selfish as you seem to assume I am and overwhelmed with self-pity, good generalization and analysis from post on a spinal cord injuries fourm on how I conduct my entire life btw nailed it on the head . But my pity extends far out for just me it extends to anyone that's going to end up with my injury or worse, that was another reason that I couldn't get to do it I had nothing to contribute, maybe $10,000 this is also the main reason why I didn't let the most recent kidney infection I recently had spread i've live like this for over four years heading towards five, not long in the grand scheme of other people but for at least two years I have had a plan to contribute and I'll be damned if I succumb to such a lifestyle, witnessed the atrocity of it and do nothing to justify what I allow to be done to me and more importantly help the cause to contribute in ending this horrible condition luckily there's a few ways I can go about that alive or dead I'll play my part for the greatest cause there is for someone in my position. certainly more than you have, oh look I'm getting defensive how pathetic it doesn't matter what you done you contribute nothing to the cause whatever it just like well 90% of all these so-called selfless not riddled with self-pity spinal cord injury individuals . I'm not going to use that as justification to follow the same path and contribute nothing, something far more than just reading a fucking Bible claiming to be tough simply because you're disabled.

    I've dedicated the last two years of my time to play my part, fact is I look at my drop foot I look at my osteoporosis, my bladder shrinkage, organ damage, synrix etc I'm not delusional also I look at the status of the research I know it's not going to benefit me, you think that's going to remotely make me hesitant to Still contribute it's bigger than me, I started this thread to emphasize our ineptitude towards the cause, not to whine about self-pity but I did get sidetracked and that's my own fault. Take a look at the poll I made in cure most people concluded that if the research was not going to benefit them they wouldn't bother. As usual people failed to get the head out of their own ass and realize that this is happening to people every day, and a lot of them are not nearly as lucky and luxurious as you in terms of your injury. self-pity went out the window along time ago, don't mistaken my repeated analytics on the situation as a whole as self-pity. ( also keep in mind I'm responding to a few people at the same time ) But sadly it's not as simple as waking up and saying I'm going to work really hard today, I have to work around other people schedules. in order for me to even get a proper diet I have my caregiver schedule pretty much stretched to its limit,not to mention going to physio twice a weekoutside of that I'm only as good as where the Internet stretches on an iPad (although I'm not supposed to use it or drive my wheelchair much given the Tendinosis in both my shoulders yes I made a big mistake typing all of this somehow not supposed to use my arms for three months )and in terms of the real world I'm only as good as the caregiving support I can muster will allow. That's not making excuses that's the reality and gravity of the situation, I'm sure it's hard to understand despite your one month in a similar circumstance. Your health problems are probably awfully nice to, well in context of the disabilities,, yeah in actuality all said and done I may not even have to resort to suicide that's a strong possibility for sure., ooo that na?ve ignorance kind of pissed me off. The fetish comment kind of started this rubbish god that was just so wrong oddity. Lowest blow you could go to, can't entirely blame you but my God
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 09-10-2016 at 11:42 AM.

  8. #108
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    At the time though, Cap didn't know he was going to recover. I too could not even hold my head up and drooled. My parents brought the minister from back home. I recovered well within two weeks though - to a simple paraplegic.

    I remember the time when Clayton was here and the open discussions he had about life's worth ... Clayton was super intelligent, but there is a fine line between genius and insanity. I do believe he drove himself insane. He could have been such a voice for treatments ... I still mourn his potential ... but he decided his life wasn't worth that I guess. Ours neither. We all lost out on 'what could have been.'

    Cap has had some dire struggles with health that he has documented here way before you came along ...

    Everyone is just trying to help James but you keep rejecting them. Tell us what you're doing for 'the cause' and maybe we can work altogether.

    This life can really suck. Even worse if you have to be dependent .. we're all going to be there one day disabled or not. I'm sorry I can't wave a magic wand and make it go away.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  9. #109
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lynnifer View Post

    I remember the time when Clayton was here and the open discussions he had about life's worth ... Clayton was super intelligent, but there is a fine line between genius and insanity. I do believe he drove himself insane. He could have been such a voice for treatments ... I still mourn his potential ... but he decided his life wasn't worth that I guess. Ours neither. We all lost out on 'what could have been.'
    Bob also sent me Clayton's "blog" written as he stabbed himself and was watching himself bleed to death, it was disturbingly descriptive, he was signing off as he died.

    This was not the action of a sane mind.

  10. #110
    Quote Originally Posted by Timaru View Post
    Bob also sent me Clayton's "blog" written as he stabbed himself and was watching himself bleed to death, it was disturbingly descriptive, he was signing off as he died.

    This was not the action of a sane mind.
    That was the action of a very sane and calculating mind. It was thoroughly crafted to entertain and manipulate the reader. It was theater. A disingenuous and deceptive show.

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