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Thread: Me Before You

  1. #1

    Me Before You

    So I just seen the movie, I thought it's was great; very moving. And these aren't my kind of movies at all. But there seems to be a lot of backlash from the self proclaimed "disabled activist". They are talking about how the vast majority of disabilities (I am going to keep the focus on SCI as that's why we're all here and that's what happened to the character) want to live. Well fact is many spinal cord injuries have gone to Switzerland to end their lives, many have found other ways to end their life some resorting to starvation that takes longer than a quarter of the year for them to die; real bad, real ugly. but that was the only way they were able to do it with their limited function, I also know many wishEd they died (myself included) at the time of the accident. So "vast" majority I don't think so, majority probably definitely majority of injuries that want to speak out / have an opinion about it and arnt trapped in their house, group home, hospital. All of that is unimportant and irrelevant it's an individual's choice, I know our individuality pretty much gets thrown out the window after injuries. But I really just found it funny that they tried to find a sense of justification behind that tho. One thing for sure you doing what are you doing without a doubt the vast majority of injuries are paraplegic, low cervical and/or incomplete meaning they have or regain enough function to be independent, regain/ keep partial vital functions and sensations. The character in this movie is a C4, so I just find it so ironic when all these paraplegic activists are preaching about how for filling, independent and active their life is and it's not riddled with sickness and dependency , Well must be nice not everyone so lucky easy to forget though especially when you want to believe what they want to believe. they're also going on about how the Paralympics are coming up and all the amazing athletes that are paralyzed, funny I don't know of any events that allow people with literally little to no upper body function to compete in...

    The most troubling thing is how they keep going on about how this movie makes disabilities look tragic etc. Um i'll point out that this movie made a C4 injury look very pretty and simple, he had all kinds of money too. It gave it oh so gentle description of autonomic dysreflexia " his blood pressure goes up and down" and the other main character the female caregiver that falls in love with him didn't have to get involved in what the movie called "the heavy lifting". So you know when he pisses and shits himself,and he has to be rolled around and cleaned have his legs pried open to get all in the cracks, sometimes by his friends trying to do something normal with the nurses around, get scrub down hair to the balls throw on a nice man diaper,Little bit of baby powder not before he has someone shoved their finger up his ass, Watch his body wither away head to toe no hope of rebuilding any other of it,all the time he lays in bed waiting for someone to get him outunable to even get himself a glass of water or changes his position ( spasms will probably do that for him but you can bet your ass it won't be comfortable or healthy), having to ask and beg for things many times a day, anytime he wants to do something me has to hope somebody's there to help them do it basically do it for him really. Crucial point he has the money to be able to pay people caregivers, nurse, DSW to be there on a regular basis and handle all activities outside of just you know eating, shitting and pissing. Then there's just the basic shit you know not being able to do the things he likes no matter how much money he has or how many people he has to help,no sexual pleasure and etc. etc. yeah that's not tragic at all right, fuck when I broke my neck I should've had a celebration I won a couple million dollars, right! now I'm just going to pay people to do everything for me no shame in that. I really just don't get it.

    Then they're going on the boat how it plays the "Hollywood trend" better to be dead then disabled... HOLLYWOOD TREND that's hilarious, this kind of mentality is just sad and terrifying. Look long before Hollywood even existed people would injure themselves some would try and cling onto life out of fear and maybe they'd be the lucky few that would have someone willing to help and resources to prolong the inevitable for a short time, others were just left to rot and many most likely out of a harder time and a sense of honour end their own life if they could, ask an associate or comrade to finish it or just let nature take it's course. But guess what even in our pampering weaker time every survey I've seen the VAST majority would rather die than be paralyzed from the neck down, often citing being dependency ( being cleaned, having to have someone do everything and most don't know the half of it let's be honest). That will NEVER change, it is completely delusional to think it would and honestly in my eyes it shouldn't change. But we all know majority of them if injured will continue to live, fear being a big factor, lack of ability to do it another,hurting those close to them etc. Then in time their minds may adapt and adjust to their new parameters and they'll find contentment maybe even enjoyment in it, or maybe they'll wish they died that time. Fact is I never seen any Hollywood cripple shamming movies before my accident, never any magazines saying you'd be better off dead then quadriplegic, then giving me an article explaining why. Nothing, but guess what when I was laying in the ditch I told them to kill me, or leave me there in the hospital same thing. If anything Hollywood when it does rarely involve disabilities especially severe ones it makes it look a hell of a lot nicer than it actually is, doesn't go anywhere near the "juicy" details. I, nor anyone need Hollywood or anything for that matter to tell me that death is better than a life in dignity and full of dependency I can come to the conclusion myself, based on the individual they may or may not agree. For gods sakes I've read many articles, I've met plenty of old people, have family that are doctors own nursing homes pretty much of the elderly disabled or not say they're managing their life just fine but when they can't take care of themselves that's when they draw the line. So these "disabled activists" Notion about this "trend" I don't think they have anything to worry about with Hollywood convincing everyone it's better to be dead than disabled people figure out for themselves, come to their own conclusion.

    (really I just think this is giving them something to whine about, they're jumping on it like God for bid we would use this attention to help cure research just a Nother example of why I hate being a part of this group most self-proclaimed inspirational/ strong un inspirational/ weak people ever; very aware that this isn't everybody with SCI but) The most troubling thing I've seen with this garbage, was this YouTube video of this clearly very overweight paraplegic going on and on about all The points I've already addressed complaining about this movie, saying how active her life is ( clearly very low injury maybe T6-12 evidently able to completely look after herself, go throughout days completely independently) then she starts to talk about her achievement of having six kids etc. how her life is not a tragedy,then out of nowhere she goes I do not need a treatment, I do not need to be cured!! And in my head I was just disgusted like ignorant, na?ve, defensive, person, I wonder how'd she feel if God for bid one of her kids had a c4 for injury like the character in the movie. Would she consider that a tragedy, would she have wished there was a treatment when her child literally loses over 90% of their body, would you feel guilty for not only not taking responsibility and partaking in helping bring a treatment and advocating for one ? If I were in her shoes and God for bid something like that were to happen I wouldn't be able to live with myself I'd look up myself making a video like she did and just be disgusted. You don't need a cure , You're all right sitting in a chair rest your life, you're able to be independent cool good for you, but guess what it's just about you and your coping mechanisms making yourself feel better about your obvious very touchy injury ( rightfully so , Just don't try and pretend otherwise ). Not everybody is lucky enough to get a T 12 injury, and even if they were it is still very wrong of you to try and express the unimportance of a treatment just because you accepted less. You don't want to play your part, you just want to get a terrible disability and then go on about life telling yourself you're an inspiration because you made it to the grocery store in a chair , Fine. Do not in anyway shape or form no matter how small ( not playing apart is bad enough) try and make that decision for other people... Just sad

    I had to write about this, I'm just mind-boggling by what I've been seeing and some of the responses by these supposed inspirational souls,that just come out as fragile weak very selfish people. Getting all defensive over a fucking story, that we actually could've turned The attention into something good maybe not for ourselves but for the next generation not to be afflicted by SCI. We just have to be brave enough to let the public know about the ugly side even ( especially) Hollywood hides. let them see that it is urgent realize that there are injuries they can't even scratch their own face, people that starve, disembowel them selves to get away from this life. But nope most are just worried about their own acceptance, public perception. but truth be told I think a lot of people are scared to be normal again all of this nonsense just made that even more evident to me.

  2. #2
    Hated the book. Boycotting the film.

    (KLD)

  3. #3
    And there is a sequel to the book Me Before You (and possibly the movie), entitled After You.

    The general reviews of the book and the movie I have read seem mostly positive, some calling it a love story akin to Jane Eyre/Edward Rochester.

    All the best,
    GJ
    Last edited by gjnl; 06-04-2016 at 02:57 PM.

  4. #4
    I didn't see the movie but i live a similar story, I married my nurse 24 years ago. Although she puts with a lot of my shit I know she truly cares, I feel it every day! especially when I am laid out for months with a sore and I am fully dependent or her. I think we could make a good movie!
    "Yesterday's History,Tomorrow's a Mystery"

  5. #5
    I won't be going to see it. There needs to be more movies where disabled people adjust, go on to do great things, meet someone and stay with them long term, that sort of thing, just like the way things happen in everyday life. It's pretty rare that somebody does kill themselves, like maybe 1 in 1000 people with SCI or something like that, if even that much.
    "Life is about how you
    respond to not only the
    challenges you're dealt but
    the challenges you seek...If
    you have no goals, no
    mountains to climb, your
    soul dies".~Liz Fordred

  6. #6
    Never heard of the movie, but now you have my curiosity peaked. I don't think any movie could truly show what happens to someone with a C4 injury. I think most abled- body people have no clue what is involved when someone becomes paralyzed. I know I did and I also think these same people don't want to know either. Since some are boycotting it, I'll look at a trailer of it then.
    DaDutchman
    C5/C6 since 2007 due to car accident

  7. #7
    From Chaz Ebert film blog, by Thea Flaum: http://www.rogerebert.com/chazs-blog...ion-to-suicide

  8. #8
    I can't touch on everything but I get what you're saying very clearly.

    I met my husband in 8th grade and we've been together since then. We celebrated 24 years in January. We've been married for 15 years in August. Yesterday was my 10 year sci anniversary. Granted , I have a wonderful husband who although I've tried to never make him part of my care, has always been my only true and dependable caregiver. Recently, he has been my full-time caregiver due to a pressure sore. He has cleaned up more accidents and repaired more broken stuff than he's wanted. He has done this all while still maintaining intimacy and adoration. He's done it because he loves me but he also is forced to when personal care doesn't show or there's no nurse to change wound vac etc. It breaks my heart to see him get robbed of passions and forced into my care. We also had dreams together that he can never fulfill with me. People don't realize the injury affects the spouse just as much. I love my husband more than he could ever know. He has sacrificed a lot for me. We are in it together but neither of us think this is a high school sweethearts love story.

    No doubt my life has meaning and we still can have fun. I still hate it when those "There is ability in disability" cheerleader types open their mouths. But look around you, social media encourages anyone to talk about anything.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Curt Leatherbee View Post
    I won't be going to see it. There needs to be more movies where disabled people adjust, go on to do great things, meet someone and stay with them long term, that sort of thing, just like the way things happen in everyday life. It's pretty rare that somebody does kill themselves, like maybe 1 in 1000 people with SCI or something like that, if even that much.
    There are a few, (best of men, untouchables etc) probably as many as there are like this,both sides of the coin need to be out there! I didn't really make this to talk about the movie, I made this thread to talk about the ridiculous reaction by these "disabled activist". You're very correct it is extremely rare for obvious reasons. But if we were only to look at thefully dependentThe worst scenarios in terms of injuries the ratio would obviously be different ( especially those that want to die but can't, starvation can be too difficult but it can also be stopped by force). The problem is to just say spinal cord injury is a very Vague term,and we (everyone) tend to focus on the "best" outcomes paraplegia/ low cervical/ incomplete as that's the prettiest, Most pleasant, easiest to comprehend, and BY FAR the most common . It's funny even amongst communities like care cure, apparalyzed etc. every time an article is posted about someone killing themselves during acute care with a high cervical injury always citing they didn't want to be dependent,everyone always says oh that's too early usually stating "who knows what the outcomes going to be, they could've recovered some function" usually implying maybe they wouldn't of been fully dependent! all of these movies where assisted suicide is given to the paralyzed that I've seen are the worst of the worst, the kind of injury that actually does need assistance with suicide (outside of months of starvation)The kind of injury that is fully dependent. The problem is that some paraplegics, low cervical injuries, incomplete/recovered ambulatory fully or relatively independent injuries see these movies and get all unhinged because they feel the movie is taking a shot at them, as if there under the delusion they're dealing with the same thing. Which is obviously ludicrous, and seriously baffling...

    It just shows me that as "strong" and "proud" as these people want to come off as, there actually incredibly fragile, very weak and that's despite how good they have it when it comes to being disabled. Their "life is so good" yet there so caught up in proving things to others they don't seem to be able to distinguish the difference in their own situation, that it's not remotely in the same boat, not even in the same ocean; which is troubling.

    And then the idea that they're worried about spinal cord injury coming off as a tragedy goes from troubling to infuriating and disturbing. Now they're coming off a selfish pricks, and all I can think is holy it must be really nice to get injured and still be able to make all of your decisions on your own time when you want to, how you want to, handle your own care completely in the presence (burden) of yourself only, take active part in things completely independently have all this equipment and options for activities. But you know what, I still consider anyone losing their legs very much a tragedy, now you lose your entire body and your ability to breathe on your own, your independence well a tragedy is putting it very mildly. If you come to terms with your injury that's great, good I hope they genuinely have peace with that and arnt just putting up a facade, but other people are different they are individuals, they want different things, hate different things they enjoy different things, they have different principles and values, expectations to live for etc. It's just so despicable to just feel that your perspective, approach is the appropriate way to respond to something like paralysis and all its different varieties and variables.

    When I was able bodied I always realized the optimism can be a great thing, but it can quickly become disgusting when a "optimist" has to run and hide, push anything away, avoid any thing that isn't pleasant as if they just can't handle it. I know a paraplegic does more than most able-bodied guys his age, he probably won't even hear about this movie if he does he'll leave it with a impression either that was good or oh that was a lame sappy movie, like could not be fucking bothered. Great guy. I talked to a C2 injury in acute care, obviously he couldn't even do a fraction of thing the other guy did.but he was as happy as they get, he would win a Halloween costume party at the hospital he lived at and he'd post his "inspirational" photos stating through positivity and perseverance anything is possible;oh and all these people would like and comment. But I started to notice in my short time talking to him he could not even acknowledge anything about a treatment research etc, things that weren't possible for us anymore etc. There is no shame in him he would just ask for help anything he needed, didn't bother him in the slightest when I tried to ask if it did just change the subject. I can't put into words to explain it properly, I've seen it a few other times with other high cervical injuries but it just shock me to the core,it wasnt uplifting it was truly disturbing. I could just see how much the injury did that wasn't visible, I could only hope that my mind wouldn't crumble like that. And I just looked at the paraplegic woman freaking out about how disgusted she was about a movie based on a disability uncomparably different than hers. How shedoesn't need to be cured etc and I'm just baffled at the same time so curious ( unbelievably hesitantly because I would never wish this on even my worst enemy, let alone a child) what would go through her mind if one of her children ended up with a high cervical injury, guilt, would that be tragic, would the cure be needed/ wanted!? It just made my skin crawl.

    This attention could've been turned into something good, again maybe not for us but for the next lot. NOPE not us, not us brave SCI's that ship has sailed, those "disabled activist" made "our" opinion loud and clear and made sure to get it out there, how inspirational...
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 06-04-2016 at 05:59 PM.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by quad79 View Post
    I can't touch on everything but I get what you're saying very clearly.

    I met my husband in 8th grade and we've been together since then. We celebrated 24 years in January. We've been married for 15 years in August. Yesterday was my 10 year sci anniversary. Granted , I have a wonderful husband who although I've tried to never make him part of my care, has always been my only true and dependable caregiver. Recently, he has been my full-time caregiver due to a pressure sore. He has cleaned up more accidents and repaired more broken stuff than he's wanted. He has done this all while still maintaining intimacy and adoration. He's done it because he loves me but he also is forced to when personal care doesn't show or there's no nurse to change wound vac etc. It breaks my heart to see him get robbed of passions and forced into my care. We also had dreams together that he can never fulfill with me. People don't realize the injury affects the spouse just as much. I love my husband more than he could ever know. He has sacrificed a lot for me. We are in it together but neither of us think this is a high school sweethearts love story.

    No doubt my life has meaning and we still can have fun. I still hate it when those "There is ability in disability" cheerleader types open their mouths. But look around you, social media encourages anyone to talk about anything.
    I'm very sorry for your situation, I'm glad you have someone as good as him tho. As I read what you wrote, I was just thinking about these disabled activists going on about how the movie makes disabilities look tragic, and how truly ridiculous and troubling that statement was.

    There was a part in the movie, literally for the first time in my life two tears forced out of my eye yet my body did not express/ react crying. I don't remember it Word for Word obviously, but he was talking about his life and his memories and how much he loved it and how he doesn't want those memories replace with figuring how to get into a suitable place, morning procedures etc. and she tries to reassure him he goes on to explain I don't want to live a lifestyle with you with limitations, and ever even if for one second have you look back with regret, she said that would never happen to which he responded with "you don't know that". The scene was beautiful, truly.

    I almost fell in love ( closest thing I would know) with someone for the first time in my life, after my accident she was my physio. But I knew I would never love myself, I would never be truly happy and it wouldn't of been fair for me to find my only happiness happiness all on her. I made that perfectly clear, and we both did everything we could not to get more attached. Obviously things got complicated, so I walked away from the situation. I continue on my quest, and she has a boyfriend now, I seen A picture with her and him deep in some mountain. I'm truly happy for her,that is one of the few things I'm proud of doing since my accident
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 06-05-2016 at 03:29 PM.

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