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Thread: Husband left me

  1. #1

    Husband left me

    I need a dose of "I'm strong!" "I can do this!" My husband left me for another woman after 37 years of marriage ( I was injured 13 years ago). He has been so good to me and then after a very hard year he leaned on a friend of ours and it developed into an affair. We had sold our wonderfully accessible home and moved to Hawaii last September with plans of building our dream house but we were unable to get a construction loan. Also I had a huge bladder reconstruction surgery before we left and almost died of a septic infection and had a super hard recovery and didn't feel like myself again til January.

    He left me in Hawaii 6 weeks ago and came back to Oregon. I came back a couple weeks later and have been staying with family and am going through a HUGE adjustment. I loved the environment of Hawaii but emotionally need my friends and family. I need to find a more permanent and more accessible place to live but have never lived alone and don't look forward to it. I know I need to go through a grieving period and to have hope for a good life. I believe God will do good things for me.

    Any encouragement or advice?

  2. #2
    mmm so sorry. You can find strength, and peace. I would recommend vipassana meditation, insight Mindfulness. It helps me, and helped last year with the deaths of a brother, father, mother and my wife throwing me out of the house in addition to my central pain. I am strong and resilient.

    I wish you peace.

    May you be happy
    May you be healthy
    May you be kind
    May you love yourself
    May you ride the waves of your life
    May you live in peace and ease no matter what life gives you.

    kindly -ket

  3. #3
    Do exactly as you are, reach out, and accept help offered. Grieving heals. You will make it through this very difficult adjustment time. Your positive attitude shown in your post will carry you to new happiness.
    I have had periodic paralysis all my life. I lost my ability to walk in 2011 beginning with a spinal block, which was used for a hip fracture caused by periodic paralysis.

  4. #4
    So sorry this happened to you. I would recommend that you get some counseling, perhaps in a group for people going through separation and divorce. It has been very helpful for many people that I know.

    (KLD)

  5. #5
    Definitely recommend counseling to help you get through this hard, hard time. At some point, you'll be looking at it through the rearview mirror, but for now it's a rough one day-at-a-time slog and support is important. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
    MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions

  6. #6
    Guard your share of the assets no matter how emotionally distraught you feel. Emotional stuff heals over time but you'll have a brutal time rebuilding the assets you accumulated along the way from your youth.

    I'm ten years past a "disappear off the face of the earth" divorce and about 95% over the emotional stuff. The financial damage will require that I work another 8-10 years than I expected. I have no guarantees that I'll make it in my extremely competitive profession for this long. I sacrificed most of my 20s and 30s so I would have the option to retire or do something else in my mid-40s. Now I live day to day hoping I make it through each annual review process and hope to work into my mid-50s.

    My ex-wife had a feel good helping people type career (low paying) and had no interest in money until she disappeared. When she left she had the best divorce lawyer in town and had our assets frozen within 48 hours of having moved out.

    On another slightly related front, I have come across two women while dating that got sick or injured in their late 40s and early 50s and had great lives (jointly well off from their marriages) before their ailments. Within a year their husbands moved themselves and assets to a country in the Middle East leaving them with no money to retain a lawyer to fight through international red tape to get access to some of their joint assets. There's an emotional and business side to love!
    Last edited by Patton57; 06-12-2016 at 04:23 PM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Oh no I'm so sorry!

    Holding my tongue as I'm still angry at men.

    You will get through this.

    Came back to edit: We will make sure you get through this. How is the bladder surgery one year later?
    Last edited by lynnifer; 06-12-2016 at 10:40 PM.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  8. #8
    Senior Member
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    I'm so sorry to hear this! However, I'm going to be really honest: If you haven't done it yet, HIRE the best divorce lawyer you can find. If your husband tells you not to worry that he will make sure you are taken care of: DONT BELIEVE IT!!! Too many of my friends were devastated when their husbands left them. They sat around and felt sorrow, which is understandable, but don't let your guard down! Take care of business first, you can cry later! Best of luck to you!!!

  9. #9
    Senior Member ChesBay's Avatar
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    Very sorry to hear you are going through this Darlagee. I have always admired your courage and positivity in your posts and blog.

    From having been in a similar situation I must agree with what others have said, protect your assets. It's going to be important in the long run.
    Also agree counseling and friends. So sorry you are going through this.

  10. #10
    Read my signature on the bottom of the page and this may comfort you. Life is all about changes and we all need to just roll with the punches. You will make it through all this and will be a stronger person for it.





    "Life is about how you
    respond to not only the
    challenges you're dealt but
    the challenges you seek...If
    you have no goals, no
    mountains to climb, your
    soul dies".~Liz Fordred
    Last edited by Curt Leatherbee; 06-12-2016 at 08:13 PM.
    "Life is about how you
    respond to not only the
    challenges you're dealt but
    the challenges you seek...If
    you have no goals, no
    mountains to climb, your
    soul dies".~Liz Fordred

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