View Poll Results: Friend situation after sci

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  • I lost all of my friends after injury

    7 20.00%
  • I lost most of my friends after injury

    10 28.57%
  • I didn't lose any of my friends after injury

    9 25.71%
  • I kept in touch with most of my friends, but rarely see them since injury injury

    9 25.71%
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Thread: Friends, how many did you lose? How many do you still have?

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  1. #1

    Friends, how many did you lose? How many do you still have?

    Ah friends, I was injured three months into my 20s so naturally I had quite a few friends. From the gym, from the club, from high school, some lifelong I had five friends that I grew up with since grade 1 went through everything together our entire youth. Those kinds of friends are precious, and I don't think much in this life is; Your child and Friends you grew up with. Some might say true love, but I've seen so many examples in my short time of "true love" turn into the worst of enemies, or elderly life of regret or simply contentment. As for life as a whole being precious, not so much Lol.

    since I decidedbasically right after I realized The full implications of this injury, that Iam going to ask for as little help as possible; if this is the way it is I don't need to be constantly leeching, and saying please 60 times a day can feel like begging and is very "taxing" mentally. Making that decision obviously has implications on your already inevitably affected social life. Passing the burden on to my friends never sat well with me though, mostly it was just emptying the leg bag, maybe grab something out of my backpack (this was before my AD and spasticity got of control now there's more to be addressed). I digress, overtime I've spent quite a bit of time on this fourm, and I can very blatantly see that loneliness is a issue after SCI (The defensive will claim that loneliness ( or losing friends) is a part of life no matter what, but the many different "variables" after SCI that make it MUCH more likely, hastily and impactful are right there, there's no denying it even if you remained lucky in this regard). Not everybody doesn't have friends after SCI far from it, but I was just thinking how interesting a study of groups of paraplegics vs groups of quadriplegics would be on their social life after injury. Of course at this point I could only make assumptions (I wish there actually were studies like this on various aspects of health and life after SCI comparing different levels because paraplegia and quadriplegia are completely different in EVERY aspect and shouldn't be associated at all, even every cervical vertebrae is completely different). But I feel like the implications of a C5+ compared to a T 12 in terms of social life are self-explanatory, people tend to gravitate towards the easiest most enjoyable options someone that can drive to them, take care of themselves entirely,get in anywhere etc. There's no worries or responsibilities, sometimes I think my friends see me as an obligation a responsibility sort to speak, which obviously and evidently isn't the most attractive option,and despite my best attempts ( Bringing my feeding cuff, tolerating A.D. spasticity, Never complaining or saying anything about it, etc) I think it slowly wore them out despite being a rare occasion, things had to be done and accidents happen... They seemed most comfortable when they stop by my house for an hour or two, when my parents or caregiver were there to handle everything, which is completely understandable... But unfortunate obviously.

    I'm starting this rant after I've been sleeping on a pullout couch for months, finally moved into a decent size condo so I can bring up my hospital bed (so I can finally sit my bed/self up) but I can't drive down and load it up myself, So I offered to pay one of my friends I grew up with! He refused to get paid, explained he'd be beyond happy to do it but that he was busy so we went through his schedule and worked out a weekend about A month away so I waited patiently, he also explained that hed rather it not be a workday so he could come up and hang out with me for the night. That was this weekend, when I messaged him to see if we were good he explained he wouldn't be able to make it because he has a golf tournament which of course we both knew about but because Monday was a holiday he'd be fine at the time we made the plans. I'm not mad at him or spiteful in the slightest, i'm glad he's out there enjoying his youth truthfully. But many of times I've made plans over the years with this group of guys individually and almost always "something" comes Up or I just don't get a response the day of. I'd really just respect honesty, I wouldn't be offended or hurt in the slightest if they just said man I got better things to do but nobody does that in any case; other than me back in the day when I had better things to do, but honestly I never bailed on the boys, I could be at a family arrangement then they could call me about a fight or flat tire and I drive my ass there to help. Which is another thing that I disregarded it's easy for me to think I would do more for them if the situation was reversed, and I probably guaranteed would have at first but we were all 20 when it happened, Life gets busy being able to mutually participate in a meet up is vital to make it easy for both parties to keep friendships together,I imagine overtime my appearance would get rare. School, construction work, boxing, the gym, a woman would've taken up most my time by choice of course. But the fact is most people I knew we're gone the day after SCI other than one or two Facebook messages from a few.
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 05-25-2016 at 04:30 PM.

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