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Thread: Just can't stand it

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  1. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by lynnifer View Post
    I'm so sorry. Don't even know what to say.

    You are supporting your mom and she is your caregiver? What about an assisted living facility? Basically an apartment where you can call for help when you want up or to be turned etc?

    Sounds like a poisoned environment at home.

    I thought Dr Edgerton had done his estim with 23 quads with success? Hang in there.

    Trying something new always gets me out of a funk. I wish I could solve something for you ...
    Actually after talking to the CEO it was 15, still pretty good odds. The thing about moving into assisted living, getting a nursing agency, Moving into a home is the bedtime will now be concrete every fucking day there's no option there, it's not much better at home but still makes a difference honestly I would... I would say kill myself, but I can't, it a home though eventuallywith none of my family to witness I would resort to starvation. I can't live such a deprived defenceless life,. Which brings me to the most important thing the only way I can pursue my diet , Exercise enough, do the various things for various bodily functions to prevent the paralysis decay and most importantly have somebody available that I can trust to go overseas or across the border so I get in a clinical trial. That can't be done in the other three options I have, sad fact is those are the only fucking options in my life, many quads can understand what that feels like! future is paved in front of us. Unless I had $8000 plus to spend a month I wouldn't be able to get the necessary care to keep my body healthy enough, let alone in a State ID still acceptable. I know a lot of people on here, try to pretend anything is possible but that's not true when your injury is bad enough. Unfortunately I have no choice but to burden my mom ( Took over after dad, but she genuinely believes we can beat this at least get me independent, I have my doubts) , because if I take the other options there will be nothing left to recover even with our best abilities the rod has caught up to me even still in numerous different ways, and I need someone ready to travel at a decent price! If I give up and move into a home,or rely on a nursing agency to come in morning and night, the fight is over there is no fight it's live like this permanentlywhich means let people take care of you for the rest your life In which case I hope I have the balls to end my life. But there still glimmers of health in my body it's on it's last foundation but I'm always working and have a few things up my sleeve. Please don't waste your time telling me there's still a reason to live like this, or being cared for is my new fight; I am not you I do not believe that, I don't even feel all that and I'm the kind of person that every now and then I have to feel strong, or Else I just feel like an empty shell. The only way I could achieve or succeed in something like that is to win the actual fight recover, then just maybe it would make all this indignity Worth it.

    On a lighter note even you very chronic injuries, I believe you will still be able to regain independence at least a 60% difference and we all know how much that will affect quality of life. I truly believe that, maybe it is just because I have to but I now know that my suffering with SEI is so much bigger than just me, it's happening to people all over God only knows how many poor bastards are stuck in their basement watching the same movies over and over all because they don't want to be burden someone to take them out or frankly they don't have someone to do it. only have someone to do the bare minimum,at the minimum we all know what that is and that does no good for anyone's self-respect or spirit. C it is a true blight on this world and human life, it's ugly as ugly can get, and it is relentless! It needs to be eradicated not condone so it can spread onto its next victim

    Truth be told I was ready to go to the hospital last night and just not leave until assisted suicide was granted, but you can't get wheelchair taxis at 3 o'clock. Fitting I guess they just assume all of us are nicely tucked in the bed. Once I cooled off I realize there's still things I can do for myself I have contacts now, I'm finally making progress. But also I got to million dollars to my name by the end of this year, and I am not going anywhere until at the very least I can leave behind for SCI research so maybe one day nobody ends up like this again. If I end up being gone before that, well then all of this pathetic indignity was for nothing and as bad as I think of myself for living like this, I couldnt stoop any lower knowing I could contribute to the cause, And not doing it even if it is The only way to get out of this, this lifestyle I'm too far in nowthere's nothing to preserve.,and plenty of people will need that contribution. Dream big, maybe instead I could use it to repair myself and be a spokespersonc to get it out there! A fool's dream, but the only one I'm willing to pursue in a life like this
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 05-03-2016 at 10:47 PM.

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