This is my first post in a really long time, but I have not seen this problem discussed at all, or just haven't found it in hours of searching.

My husband was injured in a MVA in 1994 T12 incomplete. He is one of five children, the only son. We were both 25 at the time of the accident, but are happy and doing well with an 8 year old daughter and 14 year old son. I know we are very lucky. None of his family members have made their homes accessible, even though in some cases its only a question of two to three steps to get into the house. They claim that our house is accessible, so they come here. I have hosted all Christmas, Easter and summer BBQ's for the last 20 years, but had my hip replacement revised this January (broken in same MVA as husband), and could not host this year's holidays. You would not believe the backlash I have received from all four of his sisters and parents. They believe I am keeping them from their son/brother and that its the least I could do. I have never been particularly close to them, nor has my husband, but I can't help feeling hurt that after over 20 years of hosting them and their families, the one year I cannot do it due to legitimate physical limitations is the cause of all this anger. They have never reciprocated with going out anywhere, it's always here. Not just on holidays, they show up without calling, and I must feed and entertain them. It must be nice to always be a guest. I guess I am looking for a polite way to say that we will continue to do Christmas and Easter, but please don't be offended it we cannot one year or another, there is always a valid reason. This is the first and only year in 23 that I have not been able to do it. I keep hosting holidays for the kids, its wonderful to have a celebration, festivity and party for their fun and enjoyment. You can imagine with 4 sisters, their husbands, kids and now grandkids, its a lot of work. I just wish they wouldn't get so angry and offended if we can't do it one holiday, or if we ask them to call before they just show up. We have asked several times that they give us some notice, and the stock answer is always "We're family, we don't need an invitation". We told them that we would not be able to hold Easter Sunday here this year, so two sisters, their husbands, 3 kids and 2 grandkids showed up on Saturday at 11:00 a.m. so we could "still celebrate". I had no food in the house, no Easter goodies for the littles ones, and the house is less clean than normal since I am still on crutches. I felt so bad! I would have at least tried to have something for the kids and straighten up at least the family room with the TV/video games for the kids, but had no time. My husband firmly told them that it was not a good day, once again, to please call first. They got quite upset, saying "Well, you're home, aren't you? We don't care how the house looks, we just wanted to come for a visit!" They stayed for about an hour, I wanted to order a pizza or chinese food, but my husband said he'd rather "stick pins in his eyes" than feed all these people with no notice or help, and that I should stay out of it. So I did, but I was not comfortable treating guests that way. My husband than said "guests are people we invite". I have not told him I still want to do holidays, but will gently ease into it for the summer bbs. My kids love to see their cousins. How do I say no to them without offending them? Any advice or people in this situation?