View Poll Results: Prison or disabled??

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  • Take the sentence

    15 71.43%
  • Remain Disable

    4 19.05%
  • Hard to say

    2 9.52%
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Thread: Would you rather...

  1. #21
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    I'd never even thought such a thing until a complete stranger told this teenager at the time that they'd rather be dead.

    I mean, who says that to a kid?
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  2. #22
    Definitely the 10 yrs., even if it meant serving them now. Assuming of course if I started serving the time now I would be able bodied. I'm still young enough to have 20 or more years of life left after I served my time. What I have now is a life sentence without the possibility of parole. I'm with JimMcM on a number of things. I don't like being a burden on my family, especially my wife. It feels like I'm in the movie "Groundhog Day". Call it twisted logic or whatever, but if I had died in my accident, my wife and family would grieve for whatever time they need and then move on with their lives. Instead, my wife comes home everyday from work and sees me in this condition and is reminded of the fun we have in store for later that evening, the bowel program. Things don't get much better than that.
    C5/C6 since 2007 due to car accident

  3. #23
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2013
    SF bay area, CA
    Quote Originally Posted by t8burst View Post
    I think "prefer" is not the correct term. It is "given the choice between between SCI and 10 years in jail". I have a family so need be not in jail.
    OK, I get that. I have a family, too but I didn't consider them in this pretend scenario.

  4. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by Oddity View Post
    Before my SCI I used to put ~20,000 miles a year on my motorcycles. Road them every single day, rain, snow, or shine. My trusty GS scoots carried me from the US east coast to the end of the Alaska/Canada Highway and back, from Paris to Shanghai, and to the tip of South America. I was a fanatic. But the ONE thing EVERYONE in my circle knew about me was that I had ZERO fear of dying on a motorcycle but had told them all if I was ever permanently disabled I might need help ending my life. I feared that over dying, no questions asked.

    I had people visit me in the hospital from all over the country. Folks I had met on the road or whom with I shared the passion of being on two wheels (like Clayton). One of my friends rode his bike to Virginia from Anchorage to see me. First thing he asked was, did I want or need help. He let me know he was there for me, damn the consequences.

    He wasn't the only one! No less than half a dozen people asked me the same thing over my 2 months in the hospital. Each time, I smiled, looked them right in the eye, and said, "No. I was a fool. I've already dealt my family more than they deserved with my selfishness."

    So, yeah, I get it that most AB folks say they'd rather be dead, but they are being foolish, making hollow boasts without a shred of knowledge of what it means, or how they'd feel, if they were in a position to actually make the decision.

    We know plenty of people actually disabled that don't have the stones to do it, but want to, so I don't put a bit of weight into a survey about what ABs think.

    I'd choose 10 years in jail. I've set my family up well enough to cope with that, and if they knew the reason, they'd agree.
    Fuck man that must've been amazing, I just rode off-road dirtbike's, ATVs, snowmobiles couldn't imagine going cross country. Do you still ride? I know you're fairly low paraplegic buddy of mine is a T 12 he just bungee cords his legs he doesn't go long-distance or anything but he could if he wanted to obviously take care of himself fully.

    What you said about your friends asking that, moved me!you might not see it that way anymore or maybe never did, but in my eyes that's true loyalty. That's amazing, most of my friends were gone the second I broke my neck, I don't bother them never once held it against any of them, I understand completely. Obviously if one of them offered because I did the same as you before I would've seriously considered it, my family knew that I wouldn't live like this! although now that I have for quite some time, I can see that sense of respect is gone ,and now they feel I have come to "accept" things , And that the other option frightens me too much maybe... Needless to say with an offer like that I couldn't pay such loyalty with such brash consequences that would follow them, if that's my path man up and do it myself, not easy not many options of my level but I'll figure it out.

    I completely agree with you there just empty ignorant words, ( not all but probably 90% of them,l guys like Clayton and that uk rugby player among others kept their word). Now I know most people won't agree with this, but honestly of that 90% that don't if they felt strongly enough about it before the injury, sniveling cowards that don't believe in anything and when the going got tough and their bluff was called, they spit in the face of their principles to just keep breathing out of fear. Not unlike myself theses last years, I hope if the time comes when I know I can't fix this and I can leave something behind I'll be strong enough to keep to my word stick to my principles, not spit on everything i stood for,because this is far from fighting, far far from it it's not even comparable, it's not fighting fear.anybody can live disabled, not many can face an actual fight or battle or any of the situations where most freeze , cry, beg. rehab and other disabled's trying to convince me otherwise, but I see the lifestyle for what it is,my self-preservation for optimism doesn't hide it from me, I've always felt that deep down in my guts there's no nobility in this. But That's just me, I've been different my entire life not necessarily in a good way ( I love it I want to live no other way ), but I just don't fit the "norm" even at 15. I want to reiterate I'm talking about an injury a lifestyle that leaves you nearly completely dependent pretty much everyone here has a general idea of what that entails ( though you can't possibly imagine what it's exactly like till you live like that permanently as in no way out of it). Oddity with effort and work you have remained independent,even if you weren't how "traveling" dependency is, is of course up to that individual, you have children I'm not talking about you in anyway just so we are clear... Shouldn't care anyways i'm sure you don't lol. And of all these ignorant able bodies When they injure themselves and sustain a paraplegic injury or even a low cervical or very incomplete injury that's different ( A lot of them even make that clear), the question ( and what I'm talking about) is about being paralyzed from the neck down leading to dependency...
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 03-04-2016 at 12:45 AM.

  5. #25
    Mr. JamesMcM, it sounds like you are thinking no one else has ever gone through what you are, you can forget about that thought completely. One needs to be tough to make it through SCI and to top it off, it could always be worse so just sit back in your chair and stew about it until you realize your time isn't up yet. We all have bad days, keep thinking about it to make it worse or you can think something positive like "yeah, I made it through another night or day". Nothing in life is easy, not even for an able bodied person, you will know soon enough when you time is up. How about enjoying your next breath!

  6. #26
    There Is nothing tough about expecting to be cared for, nothing in the slightest! That is exactly what happens to anyone that is unfortunate to suffer a high or severe enough injury or any disability where they can't do the simplest tasks for themselves. Eventually as you realize the implications of the damage slowly you have no choice not to simply accept help but to expect heLp. Unfortunately I am painfully aware how many other people are in the situation just like me, no real independence can't even get themselves in or out of bed!! God sake there's many worse, much worse than myself, some can't even fucking breath on the real, tragedy is its going to keep happening to people, not just taking their legs for some taking 90% of them and all their independence with it . which is one of the main reasons I'm still here because I can still contribute to the cause that is much bigger than me, it just takes time but I'm be thankful for such a repulsive existence every new day is not some achievement (especially considering I didn't even get myself ready on my own) it a disgrace for me, I see the burden I am, I see the indignity that I have to lower myself to all of this, all while ever hobby, passion I enjoy is no longer even remotely an option, so nothing to somewhat justify living like this. I would've been thankful if they listen to my very clear request to leave me alone to lay in the ditch until my Time, as I knew exactly what had happened but they were scared for me so they didn't ! So here I am, thiscan only be redeemable by helping the cause, not by me continuing toLive such a life spending money to live like this while it could go to better causes, that I cannot even remotely justify . So you can take that mis- concluded ridiculous assumption. Now if you're talking about dealing with the mental scrutiny that is living with high quadriplegia, yes one can believe that is a form of toughness and or strength! Absolutely I see it, I understand that "concept". especially among people that just expect to land a decent job get married and have kids,with that kind of mentality ( extremely broad) and want that kind of lifestyle. In Fact in that case one would almost have to believe what they're doing is tough and strong to support coping mechanisms, that's great that's how it should be . For myself,my expectations didn't just "magically" change as in lowered after I bumped my spinal cord! So I still only see, and I only value toughness, strength, Courage as keeping composure and better yet ACTING in the most extreme of situations! Situations most people pray they never encounter situations where 90% of people run, freeze, hide, expect others to deal with it etc ( especially in our pampering Western society). Most would welcome an unwinnable fight, an untimely end with submission, plea, begging, tears, even worse send it on to others ! But there are those rarities that act and turn an unwinnable fight into victory or at the very least one hell of an fight or maybe final exit, they take the "bullet" instead of someone else, they welcomed an untimely death with composure, aggression maybe even a smile Even though they're juas scared! Almost no one can do that that's why that's where my value lies where I see real strength, real rare raw courage, it's not some new "form" a lowered expectations to still allowA sense of "courage "in, again a soft modern Society, where the real thing is almost nonexistent. Just as Oddity pointed out, most of, maybe even all those able-bodied people are just empty words! if they ended up in the actual situation they're going to end up living The disabled life, even if it's bad enough to leave them dependent! Hence why I concluded anyone can do it, it's not a notable impressive feat to simply live disabled and dependent! Even though we may want to believe it is, to give meaning, purpose, justification to our conceived suffering. But as you yourself said life's hard in general!

    Something just observed on that front, from first-hand experience being an able-bodied man at one point and now being disabled one. Able bodied hardships more times than not come from the absence of true hardships , And frankly ignorance to the true wonders day possess Live with every second of every day..

    P.S Don't compare to yourself,or your experiences
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 03-04-2016 at 07:58 PM.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Oddity's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    Virginia Beach, VA
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    Yeah, I reckon it was. It's a bit of a sore spot for me, and probably has more than a little to do with my attitude towards my SCI.

    While I was off having my "grand adventure" my wife was home with our kids. Between the ages of ~25-35 I was either at work 10-12 hours a day or out on the road. Even when I wasn't on an "adventure trip" I was still riding. Every weekend to the Blue Ridge Parkway or some other favorite road or trail in the mountains. I took the long way going EVERYWHERE. A simple trip to the corner market would take me an hour or two, at least. I got my SCI on a "lunch break" from work (on a Sunday...when I was the only one in the office...) to squeeze in a quick 100km to Knotts Island and back.

    Meanwhile, 1...2...3...eventually 4 kids later...where the fuck was I?!?!? Not at home. Not being a dad. Not being a husband. Sure, I thought making lots of money and "providing" for their material needs was my role as "Dad" and "husband", but, boy, was I wrong! I was an "absentee" father/husband in almost every sense of the term, except I stopped by to sleep (and obviously make more babies!)

    When I returned from that space between life and death, lying pinned to the road, that fateful day (10 years ago next week), I knew several things INSTANTLY. The first was that I was paralyzed. Hard to miss that. The second was that it was my fault. While I WAS run over from behind (waiting to make a left turn) by a stupid kid talking on a cell phone, I still knew this was ALL my fault. Every choice I had ever made led me to that intersection, that Sunday, at 11:57am (the time my watch was framed in a shadow box on my desk), on my trusty R1200GS (only 6 months old but with ~15,000 miles on it already!). EVERY CHOICE led me there. I could have spent another 5 minutes on the toilet that morning and avoided it. I could have decided to go with my family, but I chose MYSELF.

    They were at the beach that morning, the first decent day of the year, playing, relaxing, and enjoying themselves. Where the fuck was I?!?!?

    Lying on the road, coming to terms with what an ASSHAT I had been, taking everything wonderful about my life completely for granted. I turned a corner that day, one I desperately needed to turn.

    So, was all that riding amazing? I guess it was. It was fun and exciting too. It led me to where I am today. I don't hate it, but to answer your question, "No. I don't ride anymore."

    Quote Originally Posted by JamesMcM View Post
    Fuck man that must've been amazing, I just rode off-road dirtbike's, ATVs, snowmobiles couldn't imagine going cross country. Do you still ride? I know you're fairly low paraplegic buddy of mine is a T 12 he just bungee cords his legs he doesn't go long-distance or anything but he could if he wanted to obviously take care of himself fully..
    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

    "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

    "Even what those with the greatest reputation for knowing it all claim to understand and defend are but opinions..." -Heraclitus, Fragments

  8. #28
    You'll make it James, just like most of us. You might want to change your attitude or you're in for a long miserable life however long/short it is. I'd suggest you make out a living will or what some refer to as a health care directive. There you can state what you want or don't want when the end is near, you'll need a doctor to sign a DNR if you don't want any life support. I can't imagine anyone liking SCI but it doesn't go away so we make the best of it. Tough as in strong mind. Best of luck to you man!

  9. #29
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Baltimore, MD
    10 years in prison versus the joys of quadhood (paralysis, scoliosis, osteoporosis, bowel program, Foley, etc.) ,cappef by the torture of ever worsening, full body, central pain syndrome and its crazy sensations? Damn right I take the prison with a healthy body when I leave..

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by Oldtimer View Post
    You'll make it James, just like most of us. You might want to change your attitude or you're in for a long miserable life however long/short it is. I'd suggest you make out a living will or what some refer to as a health care directive. There you can state what you want or don't want when the end is near, you'll need a doctor to sign a DNR if you don't want any life support. I can't imagine anyone liking SCI but it doesn't go away so we make the best of it. Tough as in strong mind. Best of luck to you man!
    You keep comparing me to yourself, ( and others supposedly) keep it up, and I'm going to have ugly words for that but I try not to but you are instigating A response, by comparing me to yourself you are indirectly asking for my opinion on the matter! in this context obviously pertaining to you "coping" with SCI. I will say this plane and simple I pray to God that I don't make it like you or "most of you" ! I will do everything I can to keep my, as you call it "attitude" as it is . Because unfortunately after three almost 4 years like this trapped in dependency. I can feel my mentality my subconscious train of thought crumbling, To adapt and succume to a lesser life! Similar to kidnap victim and Stockholm syndrome! That whole repulsive garbage other disable people told me in rehab "you'll change in five years" "oh wait five years" "took me five years" I saw it all for what it is, The generalized pre-conceived Time period of the human spirit breaking down to accept the new smaller parameters for its existence! And now I am seeing it for myself directly! It's The complete opposite of strong will, strength etc in my eyes and I pray I don't fall in to it! Stay True to the cause, and my plans, and never falter!!

    Haha i've had a DNR and a power of attorney almost directly after leaving rehab, at the age of about 21 lol.everything goes to SCI research, where it should! far bigger than me or my family!

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