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Thread: Another cripple asked me "Do you need help?"

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by funklab View Post
    Though driving that late at night, lack of sleep was probably just as impairing as chugging several drinks before I got on the road. No one has come up with a good way to outlaw sleepy driving yet. More of my friends have fallen asleep at the wheel and crashed their cars than crashed them after drinking.
    My sister has fallen asleep at the wheel 3 times now

    Sleepy driving is definitely not safe.. and of course neither is drinking and driving.

  2. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Texas PTA View Post
    My sister has fallen asleep at the wheel 3 times now

    Sleepy driving is definitely not safe.. and of course neither is drinking and driving.
    A physician told me he woke up on the side of the highway driving home after a 36 hour shift. Like stopped in the breakdown lane. Doesn't remember pulling over... or falling asleep.

  3. #13
    Senior Member grommet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by funklab View Post
    Let me allay your fears. I had not been drinking... well okay I had two beers, but my last was at 10pm and I didn't get in the car until 3:30 am. I just meant it's strange to be up at 4am after a night out with friends and NOT be drunk... poor wording on my part.
    :-) Thank you for helping me understand and I know what you mean. I've driven sleepy and ridden motorcycles when I could barely stay awake. It's never a good choice but what are you supposed to do? Life doesn't work out on a perfect schedule and you do the best you can. I think I am getting off-topic :-)

    I think the situation with the other chair user is strange. I feel exactly the same way you do. In my 20 years using a chair I have never once had another chair user ask if I needed help with my chair. I've seen friends who obviously were having problems with their chair or something they were trying to do and I don't say anything. I know what it's like for people to assume you can't do something because you are needing to do it differently or not as fast as they would. I've had friends ask me for help and that's fine, that's the only time I get involved. I was with a friend who couldn't transfer from the deck (was on a floating dock) back to her chair. She was lifting herself on to a milk crate and from there to her chair but that day she wasn't getting it done. Not one of us said a thing and she must have worked on it for 15 minutes before she got in her chair. If she needed help we knew she would ask. I've seen other friends drop the same thing over and over until they could get it. I have my own difficulties and I don't want anybody stepping in or just assuming in the first place that I can't get by on my own. I put up with it every day with ABs but it would be .. well it would be more strange than anything if I got that from somebody who was disabled.

  4. #14

    How about finding out who the guy is and ask what the deal was?

    Quote Originally Posted by funklab View Post
    For several reasons I'm pretty sure the driver was the wheelchair user. One the car is always parked with the driver's door facing the hashmarks, which suggests the chair at least gets loaded from the left side.

    The chair was sitting outside the driver's door assembled, and there are only a few logical ways it could get there. If it gets stowed in the trunk (by far the easiest method if an AB is stowing it, cuz I have the same car), then why would an AB driver assemble it, get back in the car and leave it outside his own door? If they were leaving, I don't see why a driver/helper would load the passenger, then roll the chair all the way around the car and just leave it there.

    But more importantly they were parked right next to another vehicle on the right, and in our tiny parking lot it is physically impossible to squeeze a chair that wide between two parked cars, so if the passenger was the WC user then he would have had to walk around the car from the driver's side, which doesn't make much sense either.

    It's possible the WC user got in the driver's side and then climbed over the center console for some reason, but that would be an unlikely occurrence. It's much more likely that the WC user is able to walk and could have physically offered some assistance, or perhaps he was really offering the services of his AB passenger, but that doesn't make it much less weird..
    Good detecting!

    But how about finding and meeting the cars owner and ask how he intended to help you. You would maybe have a new friend & helper?
    Gary Is = L-1 Para for 34 years.....................
    ~~~~~~~~~~

  5. #15
    My boyfriend has cerebral palsy and needs help eating so we spent a considerable amount of times figuring out how to do things in such a manner as to not have to bring along a helper. We finally devised the method of parking armrest to armrest facing each other with my dominant side next to him. I admit the first times I helped him eat we made a royal mess. We can still make a bit of a mess depending on what we are eating but don't feel a bit odd doing it anymore. Our friends and neighbors have learned to let us do what we need to do to get it together and wait for one of us to ask for help. It does still get interesting when we go for frozen yogurt at times when the place is busy. And we have both had times where we have helped blind neighbors navigate by having them hang onto the back of our chair. It actually is possible for one gimp to help another. Doing things together makes both of us feel more independent. We also have disabled friends who can help us with certain things like getting coats on and opening heavy doors. I need to add that in the process of learning we learned a lot by watching others and in turn others have learned from us by watching.

  6. #16
    So I am an asshole... not that I didn't know that before, but it's good to reconfirm from time to time.

    I ran into the guy a second time. He was already parked in his parking space, door open, getting out. He's got a manual chair in the passenger seat, so it's pretty clear he's at least paraish (as in he ain't walking to the trunk to get the chair). I back into the space beside him, give him another polite "hey, howsitgoin?" To which he doesn't really respond. And proceed to assemble my chair, grab my work bag and disappear inside my apartment before he's completely assembled his chair...

    I probably should have asked if he needed any help, but that's just not how I roll.

  7. #17
    Too bad.

  8. #18
    It still surprises me when I have eye contact with another wheeler when out and about and they quickly look away, ignoring the contact. It's just a habit I have of looking them in the eye as if to say 'hey, we're out livin' our lives and it's good'.
    I would say about 90% do not acknowledge the gesture of greeting/camaraderie.
    Might have something to do with acceptance of disability as I recall a time when younger and such contact was strangely uncomfortable.
    Kinda hope you get a chance to talk to this person.

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by triumph View Post
    It still surprises me when I have eye contact with another wheeler when out and about and they quickly look away, ignoring the contact. It's just a habit I have of looking them in the eye as if to say 'hey, we're out livin' our lives and it's good'.
    I would say about 90% do not acknowledge the gesture of greeting/camaraderie.
    Might have something to do with acceptance of disability as I recall a time when younger and such contact was strangely uncomfortable.
    Kinda hope you get a chance to talk to this person.
    I've since moved out of that apartment (only there temporarily for one month) so I won't be seeing that cat again.

    I think I'm probably a little like the people you describe who look away when out and about. Definitely a defense mechanism along the lines of "why would I acknowledge that you or I are any different than everyone else in this shop". Which I recognize is a dumb thing to do. I rode motorcycles for many years, and if you didn't wave at a bike passing in the opposite direction you were an asshole (that or you rode a Harley). Though to be honest, I see someone in a manual chair maybe two times a year... perhaps it has something to do with the hilly town I've inexplicably chosen to call home for half a decade.

    That's definitely the kind of vibe I was giving out to the other wheeler parked next to me, but I kinda stand by that in this particular situation. If you're ignorant enough to ask whether or not I need help the answer is no (I wasn't counting on you being here to help me when I got in the car) and I have nothing further to say to you unless you magically prove yourself unignorant in the short amount of time before I disappear, and those caveats apply whether or not you're in a chair. Like I've said before, I have many character flaws, and apparently pride and a sense of superiority are among them.

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