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Thread: Need advice regarding friendships

  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Need advice regarding friendships

    I am looking for some advice. First a little background.
    I am a 63yo female with a C5-7 incomplete sci. That makes me incomplete quadriplegic since 2003.
    Here's the question. I have some very good friends and we've traveled together every year for the past twenty years. Obviously we've all aged to the point where were 63, 66 and 67. My girlfriends are in great shape, healthy and fit. I've noticed over the last year though that it getting a little more challenging to travel. I'm a lot of work. I walk short distances using a walker, but I'm not able to take care of luggage lifting my wheelchair, etc, so that falls to my friends. I also think that I hinder their activities like hiking, kayaking and more.

    Anyway. I know when I talk to them about not going on our next outing to the Keys they will be sad and maybe try to change my mind. Am I being too sensitive? Please help my figure out how to tell them that I am not going on vacation with them this time.

    I look f/w to hearing from you.

    Thanks, Chris

  2. #2
    If the situation were reversed. Say one of them had a broken hip and had to be helped with most things. Would you let them not go?
    Plus nobody goes to the Keys to go hiking, kayaking, etc. Those are just an excuse to meet at the bar an watch the beach boys.

  3. #3
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    maybe you could all use an assistant when you travel.

  4. #4
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    If they try to talk you out of staying home, it means they really do want you there at the bar with them. Yeah, hire some one to help all of you with luggage, etc. OK, you are not going hiking, but I bet you lounge just fine. Vacation is abut relaxing, if they did not want you to participate, you would know.--eak
    Elizabeth A. Kephart, PHR
    mom/caregiver to Ryan-age 21
    Incomplete C-2 with TBI since 3/09

  5. #5
    Friendships like this are among the most valuable things in life. How wonderful your friends love you so and want to keep holding you close. Don't push them away. Perhaps they can go off on an activity or two on their own while on your next vacation, if that would make you more comfortable and mountain climbing is on the agenda (!). But please - listen to your friends who want you to come.

    Go.

  6. #6
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    Thanks everybody for your advice. I spoke with my dtr about coming along as my pca, and she was very enthusiastic in her reply. Also, she knows my friends and they know her. She will know exactly what and when I need help and will enjoy her time "off" to do whatever she wants. That was a great suggestion, thanks Jody.

    Hih, you are so right in your belief regarding friendships. I've always felt that way too. We've been friends for so many years and have been there for each other throughout. They were a big part of my rehab and without them I wonder if I would have recovered as much as I did. Our trip is in April. I will let you know how it went. Thanks everyone.

    Chris

  7. #7
    Wonderful.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Sarafino's Avatar
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    You are fortunate to have such friends. I don't have any real friends, I thought I did but any invites to do things ended abruptly when I began to use a chair. I can't say I am terribly social anymore anyway. Sounds like you came up with a perfect solution, though, enjoy

  9. #9
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarafino View Post
    You are fortunate to have such friends. I don't have any real friends, I thought I did but any invites to do things ended abruptly when I began to use a chair. I can't say I am terribly social anymore anyway. Sounds like you came up with a perfect solution, though, enjoy
    I'm the same way. Most of them dropped away quickly, a few lasted for several years. I'm not social, too damn uncomfortable (pain wise) to go out.
    Alan

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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