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Thread: Inspiration, "you're so strong" haha

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Oddity View Post
    Next time just invite them to spend 30 minutes talking to you, James. That'll change their mind, I'm sure.
    Nah Man, if I spent 30 minutes talking to them I give them a real reason to be inspired!

  2. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by tooley View Post
    says the L1 to the C4 quad.

    No offense Dale, but you are really off base. I'm sure you think your snide remark slipped by on this one, strumming your guitar with your wife and kids floating about, but try for a moment to consider someone elses feelings. The guy is still so fresh, the first 5 years are an Impossibilium to someone with James's disability.
    Dude no worries this Dale guys is a fluff. He remains in his ignorance whatever, also he probably thinks he he is some sort of an inspiration because he has a L1 catastrophic injury and still has the tremendous courage to find the happiness and motivation to still pick up a guitar oooooooo. Or Maybe he knows a C1 injury, that has a lift on his ceiling to pick him up and still goes outside or is an engineer even more ooooooohhh so impressive! Haha

    I appreciate you sticking up for me man, but i'm not upset I'm not even hurtin. But whether I am 3 or 15 years, clearly there are many examples that doesn't matter. Fact is just the simple act of living with a spinal cord injury is not an accomplishment, nor is it impressive, and it does not mean someone is deserving of respect, literally anyone can do it it takes no effort! therefore it really shouldn't be inspiring. As I said there are things that you can do in a wheelchair or out of one that are inspiring but not the simple fact of living in a chair, being dependent. No no no.

    Before all of the paraplegics talk about the great effort they put in transferring themselves into the chair, ruining their shoulders pushing everywhere etc., is an able bodied person inspiring from wearing down their knees because they walked everywhere, or cutting wood to heat their house no it's just what has to be done, the way things work.
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 09-18-2015 at 03:05 PM.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by DaDutchman View Post
    I've experienced a number of times what James has, "You're such an inspiration!'. I, too got a little tired of this, so I started asking them what I inspired them to do. Funny thing was, not many really had an answer. They were just saying it pretend they know or know what I'm going through. I'm going through the same difficult time that most of you probably have. I'm tired of being a burden. My wife comes home from work and gets to deal with me. Upset that I haven't come up with an idea for dinner because "you're home all day". Never mind that her digestive system can't handle any meat. Tired of having to depend on people for things to get done. Tired of the bladder issues causing me needing to be changed 3 or 4 times a day. Tired of the pain. Can't recall how many times I've asked the dear Lord to take me in my sleep. Don't know why I lived through the accident, oh wait..yeah, so I can be an inspiration. My thought process is such that if I had died, I would be missed, but everyone could move on with their lives and eventually I would be a distant, but pleasant memory. Now, I get to be a constant reminder to how I've screwed up their lives. The kids have moved on, at times as if I'm not here because they only talk to their mother. Can't get them to answer e-mail. Yeah, what an inspiration. Feel like I'm in my own "Ground Hog Day" movie except it is a weekly thing. Maybe once I get a pain issue resolved along with a bladder issue, a cardio issue and a wound issue I might have a different outlook. Being dependent on people won't change and that's still a big issue with me. Also, hoping that my wife can start smiling again someday instead of feeling she has to take care of me and that seems to bring her down. Enough of the pity party for now.


    C5-C6 since 12/1/07
    Don't have an answer because they're just saying it, nothing about it actually inspires them haha OR they'll give you the well I couldn't do what you do line. I hear ya man, good luck in what your doing! What you brought up is something else entirely, deserving of its own discussion. If i would've died that night I just would've been the hardheaded, strong-willed kid that walked to the gym every day, and then walk to the boxing club then walked through the snow home, because he didn't want to ask parents for a ride. But now if I died my best friends since grade one Will remember the time he had to clean the shit from under me (btw I said I'd sleep in the chair in it until I got home, wouldn't let me ). My father will remember putting tubes down my dick, and everyone else just remembered the kid in wheelchair! Is the sad reality of injuries that take away your independence. I have a high sense of irony but I wish you All the best man!
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 09-18-2015 at 03:21 PM.

  4. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by lynnifer View Post
    What about the mental fortitude it takes to try and live a normal life after catastrophic disability? I'd say that takes more courage ..
    Well everyone's perspective of normal is different, there really is no such thing as normal. And I wouldn't describe someone with severe anxiety getting out in the public even though they're scared as courageous. I describe it as doing better for themselves, same as catastrophic disability. Just because you're crippled and you're trying to live a "good" life , courageous, mental fortitude no! you're trying to benefit yourself, trying to make things better, easier etc that's a good thing, but it's not a courageous thing.

  5. #15
    Exactly James! How would I be remembered if I had died in the accident versus now. It kind of falls along the lines of Dr. Death, Jack Kevorkian and how those people want to be remembered before whatever disease consumed them. You're right in that it could be a separate discussion.

    I was keeping a Caring Bridge site updated while I was in the hospital and that's where a number of the comments came about being such an inspiration. I would sit there and wonder what did I do. Wasn't I an inspiration before the accident? I would like to think as a Boy Scout Leader, a coach for various sports, an usher and church council member, community volunteer, etc., that I was an inspiration to someone. At the very least one of my three children. Now I'm not sure I'm an inspiration to my children based on how they communicate with me now. Something that will take work by all parties.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Oddity's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    Virginia Beach, VA
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    If someone acts in the face of fear, then they are acting courageously. Why the constant need to minimize cripple people, James? Acting regardless of one's fear is the very definition of courage. Doesn't matter if it's a PwD or an AB. That's simply the definition of the word.
    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

    "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

    "Even what those with the greatest reputation for knowing it all claim to understand and defend are but opinions..." -Heraclitus, Fragments

  7. #17
    Agreeded but if you're scared of ceiling fans, and one day you finally build up the courage to sit under a ceiling fan that doesn't make you brave! If we limit the word courage to such low standards then a hero is a fucking McDonald's worker just because he works near hot grease! A hero to me best example I can give would be a soldier he didn't have to take the job, he could run away leave many behind, but there's bullets flying moves forward get a better vantage point, facing the ultimate fear death. Firefighter that rushes into a burning building to save a child or just another human a Coast Guard the dives deep into the vast ocean to save drowning victim. That Is real courage an astronaut major courage. Martial artists and kickboxing takes no shortage of courage either. Ever had shin on shin contact, or been kicked in the head, or kicked a heavy bag tell your shins are red only to roll a bread roller up-and-down the bone not pleasant

    i'm not minimizing crippled people, I'm saying that it does not take courage to live as a disabled person and The simple fact of living in a wheelchair and being taken care of is not inspiring i'm sick of ignorant able-bodied telling me I am inspiring because I sit in A portable chair. Disabled person could be an inspiration, some of those incomplete injuries that bust their ass to never sit that's inspiring, some of those wheelchair athletes that's worthy of respect. Rick Hansen there's an inspiration. Christopher reeves major inspiration till the day he died he fought to not get just himself but everybody out of wheelchairs. Just like able-bodied people that kind of thing is few and far between!!

    It comes down to numbers, what the average human wouldn't be able to mentally handle, or face. Most people don't sign up to be infantry soldier, firefighter or a coast guard, or policemen and even when they do most hope they don't see the most tragic side of the job when they do some break. Literally anyone can be a disabled person I don't care what you say, and I especially don't care about the able-bodied people to say I couldn't do what you do I'd rather be dead that is straight bullshit! Because there's a spinal cord injury every three seconds and somebody else a crippled that rather be dead but guess what he won't be. Want To know why, and I speak from experience because it takes ALOT of balls to kill your self!!
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 09-18-2015 at 08:40 PM.

  8. #18
    Wow Oddity, I appreciate it no smart ass comments, this is a frist!

  9. #19
    Do you think there is anything you do that is courageous Jimmy boy? I ask because I agree with all of your points on living in a wheelchair not being courageous. Im not saying my life is close to as difficult as yours, I am able to live on my own and not rely on any in-home care. But now that i have learned to do that I feel dead inside. Nothing seems worthwhile, I receive joy out of nothing I try to do. And yet my situation is much better than had my injury been higher up. I don't appreciate where I'm at.

    What I'm asking is for you to try and come up with some kind of response putting my situation in perspective and how the hell I can gain any sort of fulfillment in life.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Sarafino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    SW Colorado---chair user from nerve disorder
    I wonder sometimes if each of us has a 'happiness set point' and being disabled just makes it more obvious, whether you are a depressive or a happy person. Part of it must have something to do with one's 'support system' combined with their natural demeanor. I used to be pretty happy, but as I become more disabled (nerve disease) I have noticed people back away so the more I need a support system the more I find I don't have one, and it is crushing. I have briefly known others more disabled than I am who had pretty incredible support from friends and family and they came across as happy, positive, excited people. My support system is about zilch, and that causes me so much stress and sadness, and stress causes my condition to exacerbate, and people back away even farther. Vicious cycle.

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