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Thread: How do you stay positive and not fall into a deep depression?

  1. #1

    How do you stay positive and not fall into a deep depression?

    I'm C-5/6 24yrs post injury and lately find myself wondering sometimes why am I still here? The few things I that I enjoy are just distractions and aren't enough to keep me happy, and I often think about giving up. It's been really hard watching life pass me by. In my mind I still feel young, like I'm in my 20's. I've never spent 1 night in the hospital since my injury, so I'm as healthy as a quad can be, which I guess is a good thing. I'm just not finding life to be anything more than a burden to other people. I'm so tired of watching and not participating or doing. I hate being constantly stared at and being felt sorry for. I crave the feeling of being seen or thought of as normal. I just don't know where to go from here, or how to feel somewhat happy or normal again.
    So, how do you find the strength to carry on when you've been sentenced to the rest of your life in a chair??

  2. #2
    I have battled deep dark depression over the years too, "I should be doing more!" used to race through my head then I realized I was buying the America worker ideal of having to produce something to prove my worth. I thought people would think better of me if I produced something manly. In fact waking up this morning breathing air was good enough. Maybe me being disabled and dependent on the help of others in this my later life is the best I can be and that is good enough. Another idea I latched onto, I am 49 now, was that maybe tomorrow I am going to find myself on my death bed end of show and "I HAVE DONE ENOUGH IN THIS LIFE I WAS A SUCCESS" I hope runs through my head because it is true I have done enough. That was a hard one to grasp at first because I was always discounting what I was doing today because it was never good enough in my eyes. But I have done some things and became on ok person. You being a quad no hospital time since your accident, not that going into the hosp in a bad thing but I bet you have worked hard to stay healthy and do whats right. Kudos. I think you know deep down you have dome a good job and are a daily success story but its always nice to hear.

    Once I let go of those unrealistic expectations about what I think I should of done and just gave myself a pat on the back for what I did do I found I was ok and my depression were not as dark.
    Best of luck Kyle hope the forest fire smoke is not too bad down that way.

  3. #3
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    I started on anti-depressants after the 20yr mark.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  4. #4
    i'm on anti depressants but am weening off currently. currently trying to completely change my ways of thinking, about what i want to get out of my life. i've started meditating, learning about buddhism. Not necessarily the different lifetimes and nirvana stuff, but how to look at the world with more love and accepting the present.

    I highly recommend siddhartha by hesse and illusions by bach. They gave me some good insight on accepting myself and how I can enjoy people. To be in the present.

    I started learning again and I think life hasn't been as bad.

  5. #5
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    If I died tomorrow, the only regrets I have are outside forces - nothing I could do anything about. My ex, my paralysis. I lived a good and honest life doing as much as I could for as long as I could.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  6. #6
    Sorry you are going through this and hope it's as they say, "a rough patch" and goes away.
    I related to the staring part as after 65 years of Polio paralysis, among other ailments, the staring had mostly gone away except for yesterday. In the checkout lane at the store, a teenager kept staring at me, would not stop and it finally got to me. I simply gave him a really long stare back! He immediately quit and did not stare again. I rarely, if ever, do a "return stare", especially if it's a kid. It felt great to do this. I felt I showed him I was a person, not an object of interest that he could study endlessly. I totally would not have minded if he had been standing closer to me and I could have looked at him and said "Hey, how you doing today?"

    When you are out an around, do you have eye contact with folks? Just curious how folks handle the staring. Yes, it can make one feel crappy!

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by kyle View Post
    I'm C-5/6 24yrs post injury and lately find myself wondering sometimes why am I still here? The few things I that I enjoy are just distractions and aren't enough to keep me happy, and I often think about giving up. It's been really hard watching life pass me by. In my mind I still feel young, like I'm in my 20's. I've never spent 1 night in the hospital since my injury, so I'm as healthy as a quad can be, which I guess is a good thing. I'm just not finding life to be anything more than a burden to other people. I'm so tired of watching and not participating or doing. I hate being constantly stared at and being felt sorry for. I crave the feeling of being seen or thought of as normal. I just don't know where to go from here, or how to feel somewhat happy or normal again.
    So, how do you find the strength to carry on when you've been sentenced to the rest of your life in a chair??
    Kyle, I know exactly how you feel. I'm sure most of us do, living with an SCI. But I'll tell you that the ONLY way I have the strength to carry on living in this chair is knowing that it's not always going to be this way. And in comparison to eternity, I won't have to wait that long. God promised that if I believed in Him I would spend eternity in heaven on a new physical earth with a physically resurrected body where there will be no more death, pain, or suffering. And don't you know that those of us coming from wheelchairs will be running and jumping a little bit faster and higher than everyone else Although this life isn't easy, that's how I stay positive. And even though I wonder sometimes too why I'm still here, I trust that He has a better plan for my life. Because until that day when I walk again, He is going to use my current situation for my good and His glory. And in my experience, He always comes through on His promises. If you ever need anything, or someone to talk to, send me a pm.
    Last edited by Brad09; 08-16-2015 at 09:51 PM.

  8. #8
    I would like a prescription for LSD. That would give me a chance to at least experience things as an able bodied person. Maybe? I never took it. I thoroughly enjoy my able bodied dreams! Just as good as being there

  9. #9
    Don't give up! Kyle. You're still young, let find and contunue doing the activities that you love. For example: singing, drawing, playing an instrument... You can do a lot of things even if you have to spend your life in a chair.
    Life is difficult but you're not alone! Your family, your friend and us always beside you.

  10. #10
    sports. push your body, nothing makes you feel better. 28 yrs rolling here. no mood drugs. just remember things can always be worse.
    Bike-on.com rep
    John@bike-on.com
    c4/5 inc funtioning c6. 28 yrs post.
    sponsored handcycle racer

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