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Thread: Worried about my daughter

  1. #1

    Worried about my daughter

    My daughter sustained a cervical spinal cord injury in May of 2012 at 22 years old and was rendered a C7 complete quadriplegic. She does not live with me but I occasionally help her with bathing, cathing and her BP as well as other domestic duties.

    However she is not doing well neither emotionally nor physically. I believe her to be suffering from severe clinical depression but she refuses to be honest with a psychiatrist. She tells them "there's nothing wrong" and they buy it despite her being obviously incredibly depressed. She isolates herself often and has developed poor self care which resulted in UTI's and kidney stones as she wasn't managing her routine as she said she "doesn't give a f***". She has alluded to wanting to commit suicide several times before.

    She has never adjusted well to her SCI. I don't know what to do as it's very difficult to "step in" to her life at her age now.

  2. #2
    It is difficult to cope without some peer support. Being involved with other SCIs who are further ahead in putting their lives together can provide a real boost. I do not know where you are located and whether there is a peer group for her to get involved with,. However she can and should get involved l with our Care Cure Community. She will come to realize that she is not alone...there are others who can truly relate to her situation. And we are here to help.
    You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @

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  3. #3
    This is tough. You can search through this forum and find a lot of folks with the same feelings.
    What did she do before her injury? See if you can get her back to that or as close as possible.

  4. #4
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    Both above with excellent advice.

    Seeing others her own age or younger will make her think about herself and might spark some motivation.
    When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  5. #5
    ^ She has no interest in going to SCI peer support groups and trust me we have tried. She has no interest in online groups either according to her.

    We are from Canada, Ontario to be more specific.

    I don't know where her life is going at this point as she had no interest in making any changes. She has lost all hope. I can not step in as no therapist or psychiatrist finds her to be suffering from mental illness (which isn't true) enough for us to step in take care of her fully as she is 25 years old.

    We are worried like you wouldn't believe. She binge drinks and eats terribly - I see her nothing but chips and other junk. She will not touch a single vegetable or fruit.

    Don't know what else to do.

  6. #6
    This to me sounds like a typical 22 year old however she may be expierencing this later in life because of her accident. Unfortunately there is not much you can do but be there when she falls. And she will fall sooner or later. Unless she attempts to comit sucide and you know she is attempting it and then call the ambulance there is not much they will do. You can try to do the shopping and meal prep for her or have her aides do this to cut back on the junk that is brought in the house. But if she drives again not much you can do. It is tough i know as i went thru the very same thing early on. And still go thru phases. Does she still go to a physitrist who manages her sci issues? If so maybe try making a discreet call to them a mention your worries.
    T6 Incomplete due to a Spinal cord infarction July 2009

  7. #7
    Thank you everyone for your supportive replies.

    Another thing I have noticed (and I know there isn't much use in bringing this up) is worsening atrophy in her hands. They've gotten so tiny and withered looking which is the direct result of her not doing ANY physical therapy to strengthen tone. The same goes for her legs. Her body is deteriorating from lack of maintenance beyond normal atrophy.

  8. #8
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    What part? I'm in Windsor.

    Not much can be done about the atrophy.

    What about friends from before? Certainly all of them didn't leave her? What about a pet - someone she HAS to look after if she doesn't want to take care of herself?

    22 is hard. It's just coming up on 3yrs and she'll be 25. I'm sure she sees no future for herself. Did she go to school, want to work - anything? What was she doing before 22 with her life?

    I didn't mean support groups. There's always rugby but not everyone is into that. Skiing at Collingwood for quads too during the winter. Adaptive sailing in Toronto. Some accessible camping areas. Water skiing up by the Soo.

    What were her hobbies before?

    She has to have time to grieve mom; it's longer for some than others.

    Does she drive or want to at all?
    When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  9. #9
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    Also - having someone cathe her and do her BP is probably ripping her self esteem to shreds.

    Has she thought about a colostomy or superpubic catheter to manage herself?

    Any more steps towards independence can only be a good thing.
    When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  10. #10
    We live within Wellington county.

    She is a loner mostly. That has always been a staple of her personality.

    She he has never really had significant "hobbies" and her interests are unknown as she never mentions any. I believe she just goes through the motions of life rather than participating or enjoying anything in particular which is why I strongly believe she has I diagnosed clinical depression. Perhaps some even before her SCI as her personality has always been slightly indicative of such.

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