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Thread: Do some people actually resent and hate aides?

  1. #1

    Do some people actually resent and hate aides?

    It interests me how several people have interpreted very innocently intended comments by me on this forum as being filled with hatred and anger. In fact it's obvious that most of my post and comments and questions on this forum have been written in an effort, for which I am not being paid anything extra, to give the best care possible to the my patient.

    These comments are written by people who apparently themselves use aides to some degree.

    I am wondering: Does my profession remind some people of their disability and provoke anger and hatred towards me? Also, when someone's loved one is disabled and/or terminally ill, do I remind the family of that fact, thereby increasing the terror which they already feel and therefore making them resent me?

    In other words, are aides sometimes scapegoats?

    As an aside, some people have commented that I'm apparently dissatisfied with my job and therefore I should switch professions.

    In principle that is excellent advice. However according to a 2013 Gallop report on the State of the American Workplace, 70% of American workers are “not engaged” or “actively disengaged” and are emotionally disconnected from their workplaces and less likely to be productive. It would be wonderful if all of us in that 70% could switch to something we really like, however I doubt that is realistic.
    Last edited by liveinaide; 06-20-2014 at 06:32 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member pfcs49's Avatar
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    Helping professions are problematic as far as motivations are concerned.
    I recommend reading "How Can I Help" by Ram Daas, who ironically became disabled after he had written it.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by liveinaide View Post
    It interests me how several people have interpreted very innocently intended comments by me on this forum as being filled with hatred and anger. In fact it's obvious that most of my post and comments and questions on this forum have been written in an effort, for which I am not being paid anything extra, to give the best care possible to the my patient.

    These comments are written by people who apparently themselves use aides to some degree.

    I am wondering: Does my profession remind some people of their disability and provoke anger and hatred towards me? Also, when someone's loved one is disabled and/or terminally ill, do I remind the family of that fact, thereby increasing the terror which they already feel and therefore making them resent me?

    In other words, are aides sometimes scapegoats?

    As an aside, some people have commented that I'm apparently dissatisfied with my job and therefore I should switch professions.

    In principle that is excellent advice. However according to a 2013 Gallop report on the State of the American Workplace, 70% of American workers are “not engaged” or “actively disengaged” and are emotionally disconnected from their workplaces and less likely to be productive. It would be wonderful if all of us in that 70% could switch to something we really like, however I doubt that is realistic.
    Are you serious? You do realize the majority of membership on this forum is comprised of those of us with significant neurological injuries, right?

    Your comments are not so innocent. You have maligned and made sport of a newly injured man, seem to have poked at Americans in at least two separate statements and seem to loathe not only the man for whom you work, but also what you are doing. I'm not attaching any feelings of my own to your profession. Without good, hardworking, professional PAs, I'd have been SOL.

    Does your profession remind me of my disabilities and I'm transferring unresolved feelings onto all PAs, including you? No. What I do dislike is the arrogance and ignorance displayed in statements made about a newly injured man, about the work you are doing. It would seem you are attempting to bait the membership to roil the board or you are oblivious about those to whom you are writing.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
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    Normally it was the agencies I hated early on. They would send someone new every day which meant another day my husband wasn't back at work because he had to teach the new CNA or HHA my routine. The only one I ever actually resented was a nursing student through the visiting nurses agency. I was about 34 and having a n argument with my Mom on the phone. Not a fight. No swearing, no yelling just a disagreement. This 20 year old kid who would walk into my livingroom and change the channel to MTV from a movie I was watching was showing up in the kitchen door every few minutes until I told Mom to hang on a sec and asked her if she needed something. No. OK back to Mom. She came back in even after we settled Mom's problem and were discussing my husband's upcoming birthday. I gave up. Hung up and went in to the living room and asked her "what the hell was that all about?" 'Well, ummm, you aren't supposed to get upset.' "Excuse me but is that actually in your orders and can I see it because I do not have a brain injury, I believe I am old enough to argue with my Mom on occasion and don't you have that huge bag of nursing books to study?" Well, attitude is part of my records. "Umm, dear, that is a question about my attitude about my injury not my relationship with my Mom. So, in the future please just chill out."

    As quickly as we could we ditched aides. Not that they aren't needed but we were mainly paying to train people not getting trained employees. When I went through rehab there was a two hour block scheduled every few weeks on how to hire aides and what they should do for and with you and what they are not used for. You might call Kesseler and see if they have something like that and if so can a HHA attend to observe. There were no lower paras in my group who attended as they didn't need help. They needed household cleaners once a month and construction types to make the homes easier to get around. I'm sure Kesseler also has support groups his wife might want to check out. He may follow.
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

    Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

  5. #5
    I think this is a troll.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by liveinaide View Post
    It interests me how several people have interpreted very innocently intended comments by me on this forum as being filled with hatred and anger. In fact it's obvious that most of my post and comments and questions on this forum have been written in an effort, for which I am not being paid anything extra, to give the best care possible to the my patient.

    These comments are written by people who apparently themselves use aides to some degree.

    I am wondering: Does my profession remind some people of their disability and provoke anger and hatred towards me? Also, when someone's loved one is disabled and/or terminally ill, do I remind the family of that fact, thereby increasing the terror which they already feel and therefore making them resent me?

    In other words, are aides sometimes scapegoats?

    As an aside, some people have commented that I'm apparently dissatisfied with my job and therefore I should switch professions.

    In principle that is excellent advice. However according to a 2013 Gallop report on the State of the American Workplace, 70% of American workers are ?not engaged? or ?actively disengaged? and are emotionally disconnected from their workplaces and less likely to be productive. It would be wonderful if all of us in that 70% could switch to something we really like, however I doubt that is realistic.
    I don't have a disability but my husband does and having followed your 2 threads I can safely say that I would not let you anywhere near my husband. At first I gave you the benefit of the doubt as sometimes tone can get misinterpreted when expressed in written form on the internet. I have been considering getting some extra help with his care so I can get an occasional full night's sleep - but your comments have made me think again. I would hate to have him exposed to your way of "helping" - even if it's done with good intentions.
    You asked for help and this is my advice.
    If you are indeed what and who you say then please consider re thinking your strategy and language as no matter how well intentioned you are coming across as arrogant and condescending and if you truly want to help it's not the right way to think and your client will certainly pick up on this tone.
    If hlh is right and you are a troll then you will be enjoying the responses you are getting. You won't be the first and we're all pretty hardened to this sad sort of communication and it's so sad that you need to communicate in this way.
    Last edited by MoCo; 06-21-2014 at 05:00 AM.

  7. #7
    I'll tell you what I think based on the comments I've been getting from several (although by no means) all people here:

    There are some people who are disabled who believe that they should be treated like royalty. People should be falling over themselves to serve them and satisfy their every whim. If they are rude to others, then those people should be honored by the attention being bestowed on them by His Royal Highness. Their every wish is our command.

    If it is a loved one who is disabled, then they believe that the loved one should be treated this way.

    NEWS FLASH: YOU ARE CRAZY. ​NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING. YOU SHOULD BE ON YOUR KNEES CRYING TEARS OF GRATITUDE IF ANYONE MAKES AN EFFORT TO HELP YOU.

    By the way, I just tried to help you.

    You're welcome.

  8. #8
    That's some pretty awesome armchair psychology. I would say "don't quit your day job," but you should definitely quit your day job. If you're even for real.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by liveinaide View Post
    NEWS FLASH: YOU ARE CRAZY. ​NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING. YOU SHOULD BE ON YOUR KNEES CRYING TEARS OF GRATITUDE IF ANYONE MAKES AN EFFORT TO HELP YOU.

    By the way, I just tried to help you.

    You're welcome.
    News flash. If you were working for my mother, you would be so fired with an attitude like that!!! I paid good money for attendant care for her when I could not be there, and yes, I was grateful for the good PCAs we had, but under no circumstances would I have let someone with that passive-aggressive attitude toward PWD be anywhere near her, much less responsible for her care and safety.

    (KLD)

  10. #10
    Of course, the entire universe revolves around your handicapped loved one and we should be grateful to serve her. If you found someone who fooled you into thinking that they also feel that way, then that's wonderful.

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