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Thread: Suicide

  1. #81
    The reason depression can be medical is because the serotoin uptake in our bodies is disrupted by sci. Meds help regulate it by leveling off the S. hence less depression.

    Obviously you don't feel the need to hear our babble. So some straight talk. Well you have a CHOICE... either show yourself how tough you are, we have no stake in it, by taking the next step to getting it together or doing yourself in. If it's the latter, why do you continue going to docs for meds , anytype of rehab, eating and drinking liquids? Why are you costing Ontario thousands of dollars to keep you alive that could be spent on others who want to live; if all you want to do is die? You think you're the only one to come here and talk like this. Many of us have and many we know did do the deed. One in paticular, made the decision, spoke with the family and support of her intentions and quit eating and taking liquids. She was gone very soon after. She didn't whine or complain, she took control of her destiny by CHOICE. The reason I feel you are still here is because deep down you want to live and get out of the visious circle of dad as a caregiver etc. Remember if you do decide to do the deed, make sure it's final cause you may not die and end up being worse off than you already are.

    Reading your tough bs is just that bs. Anyone with the physical toughness you say you had had to have mental toughness and discipline too. Where's that at? We who actually did the physical tough things know you are full of it because not only did we live it, we continue to live it because that is what physical toughness taught us and who we are. I hear it all the time from guys who didn't go military or other so called elitist wannabees; always an excuse of why they didn't go when in fact they didn't have the balls to carry it thru. Zillas husband is one of the toughest men I have heard about. I know for a fact that every real tough guy out there respects and hopes they would have the same toughness he has.

    I read you had a car accident, was there alcohol or drugs involved? Were you the driver or passenger? If there was A or D involved, you took the chance and lost. Same with being a Type A personality; we take chances and sometimes lose.

    You think we didn't go thru what you are right now? We all can talk about the suicide thoughts and attempts but there's no purpose here as it's just babble too you. After 41 years they still can come thru but I've learned to let them go.

    I hope you can move on James, if not and you decide to do the deed; make sure it's final cause it can surely be much worse. Ches is right, give yourself a few years andthen decide.


    This forum is for support, not putting people down because they care and have experience in what you're seeking. In the least you can respect that.
    Last edited by Patrick Madsen; 05-26-2014 at 05:14 PM.

  2. #82
    Senior Member tooley's Avatar
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    bang on, Pat.

    I feel for the guy, but it's really getting old. We recently had rugby national championship a stones' throw away from where he lives and I reached out to him to please come so I could introduce him to other quads from his neck of the woods. All he did was make excuses. It would have been awesome for him to see how many many guys his injury level live, travel, socialize, THRIVE. I honestly pray for you James. But making excuses you can't cath yourself? That's complete bullshit. Snap out of it. I've said it before, we're all pulling for you. The only one that can live for you is you.

  3. #83
    Holy shit James you've been injured less that 2 years. Man, you're in mourning for the body and lifestyle you lost. You're like an A/B trapped in a disabled body. This is a real tough time you're going thru and just take it day by day. Thoughts of suicide and having lost the dignity of even taking a good shit is really prevelant right now. It's reality hitting bigtime. Your job now is to get thru the next day literally. Second year anniversary dates of injury is one of the hardest years to get thru. Year one, we're still kind of in a fog of what the hell just happened. Mines on the 21'st and with 42 coming up, I still glance at the clock thinking of what I was doing at that hour. That's good, don't let memories fade, eventually the sting from them is less. Right now it is really raw.

    I hear your frustration with your dad as a caregiver. That would be tough for sure. He's there for you now that's the positive. Contacting the Canadian Paraplegic Assoc. for ideas and assistance to eventually be independent is one I did when I came home; I lived in Vancouver. They were instrumental in my getting on with life. I was at the stage you are now and they were the ones who pulled me thru. Perhaps you're ready to talk with someone face to face who truly understands.

    When you're ready, get into wheelchair sports. You're an athlete. Not being able to burn off energy is not a good thing for guys like us. They definitly saved my life. Ontario is a serious sports association. With your background, you could make one heck of a quad rugby player or any sport you choose.. QR is MMA with chairs; Once you try it, you'll understand. I got laid just as much, before getting married, as I did pre injury. I was in shape, young and had a competitive attitude because of sports. The women flock to w/c athletes; seriously. I refused to attend any practises at first. Didn't want to associate with other gimps. Once I did, my whole world opened up again.

    I feel I misspoke insinuating you weren't tough James. Hell yes you are. We all are. It takes guts and determination to do what we do. I will never get tired of anyone needing to vent.I would rather they did than didn't. It's okay to be mad but not okay to be mean.

    Hang in there, it's worth it. Stay strong this will get better.
    Last edited by Patrick Madsen; 05-26-2014 at 06:32 PM.

  4. #84
    leave this ass alone. He's not interested in help, caught up in a fantasy about what he could be. and full of bullshit about everything else. not worth his carbon footprint imho. he won't stop just a sorry ass looking for sympathy who thinks no one has it as bad as him or could possibly understand. he' so young and projects a fantasy life he could not have achieved anyway. I'm sorry he ended up where he is. Shit I'm sorry for all of us. but fucking do something ..anything but whine and dismiss everyone who's tried to help, because he knows better and we're all dumb shits. undoubtedly there'll be some inarticulate run on diatribe bullshit about me , but frankly I don't give a shit. James, For Christ's sake do something other then whine, it is past old' I used to be interested in trying to help you a few posts ago, now you are nothing.

    ket

  5. #85
    Quote Originally Posted by tooley View Post
    bang on, Pat.

    I feel for the guy, but it's really getting old. We recently had rugby national championship a stones' throw away from where he lives and I reached out to him to please come so I could introduce him to other quads from his neck of the woods. All he did was make excuses. It would have been awesome for him to see how many many guys his injury level live, travel, socialize, THRIVE. I honestly pray for you James. But making excuses you can't cath yourself? That's complete bullshit. Snap out of it. I've said it before, we're all pulling for you. The only one that can live for you is you.

    How the was I supposed to get there bud?, right now I don't have $1000 to drop to get a taxi to London! You speak of these excuses as if they are real. Dude my right arm doesn't move properly, it's literally A higher injury then my left every time i move my shoulder pops doesn't pronate etc I'm not making this up I wish I was cause then I would be able to sleep at night the thing aches beyond belief painkillers do nothing. You're going to disregard this as bullshit but if I was going to try for the long-haul I would seriously have to consider amputation. went through similar rehab to you they didn't teach me how to cath Myself, is all seating position so I can't just have some random guy say hey come to a rugby game okay perfect I'll just figure out how to Myself. In all reality though how do you open the iodine and lubricant and cath package just curious? Teeth? I don't have that grip I can't remember what it's called tens something only slightly in the left I do a lot of hand stretches for pain relief.

  6. #86
    Quote Originally Posted by ketamine kitty View Post
    leave this ass alone. He's not interested in help, caught up in a fantasy about what he could be. and full of bullshit about everything else. not worth his carbon footprint imho. he won't stop just a sorry ass looking for sympathy who thinks no one has it as bad as him or could possibly understand. he' so young and projects a fantasy life he could not have achieved anyway. I'm sorry he ended up where he is. Shit I'm sorry for all of us. but fucking do something ..anything but whine and dismiss everyone who's tried to help, because he knows better and we're all dumb shits. undoubtedly there'll be some inarticulate run on diatribe bullshit about me , but frankly I don't give a shit. James, For Christ's sake do something other then whine, it is past old' I used to be interested in trying to help you a few posts ago, now you are nothing.

    ket
    How the fuck can you sit there and make that assumption, really? That's nothing but a direct personal attack I haven't been direct with anyone. Only spoken of my opinion of myself and my own disability and how I see a long life associated with that has no real patch of mental toughness or physical, you're not on the defensive you're on the offensive now bud. Did you see my training regimen, did you watch me spar, did you witness my fights? did you understand my knowledge of weight training, cardio, flexibility, explosive? Did you see the weight I could lift at fucking 155lbs Did you witness the anger I had inside me that channeled into fighting, gained composure let it make me stronger? give me some fucking evidence or you're going to sit there say I wouldn't of had a career in kick boxing or MMA blowing complete and utterly smoke out of your ass with literally no knowledge of what you're talking about. I don't give a flying hot about your military records (no doubt impressive but that's not what we're talking about now) do you have a fight record of any kind? Do you even know what Mauy Thai is? have you had a kick checked shin on shin? Did you even street fight? Let me tell you this before my accident there was a young guy one year younger than me, blonde hair wanted to go far whatever. This guy only did the wrestling and jujitsu stuff he didn't want to enter the ring with me or the other bigger guys at the club, after he was knocked out. A few months after my accident that kid has never missed a day of training and now he's fighting in China for Canada he lost but he'll be back, it was a close fight. The guy has a great record. I can't tell you that I would of went professional because I didn't go professional started when I was 16 and would party a lot, lost focus but always came back. And never ever missed a day in the gym where I learned weight training, powerlifting, explosive power training, Polly metric's, flexibility training from an ex professional MMA fighter and a military man.

    So give me some evidence to support your claim I have provided you with mine against your claim.

  7. #87
    Quote Originally Posted by Patrick Madsen View Post
    Holy shit James you've been injured less that 2 years. Man, you're in mourning for the body and lifestyle you lost. You're like an A/B trapped in a disabled body. This is a real tough time you're going thru and just take it day by day. Thoughts of suicide and having lost the dignity of even taking a good shit is really prevelant right now. It's reality hitting bigtime. Your job now is to get thru the next day literally. Second year anniversary dates of injury is one of the hardest years to get thru. Year one, we're still kind of in a fog of what the hell just happened. Mines on the 21'st and with 42 coming up, I still glance at the clock thinking of what I was doing at that hour. That's good, don't let memories fade, eventually the sting from them is less. Right now it is really raw.

    I hear your frustration with your dad as a caregiver. That would be tough for sure. He's there for you now that's the positive. Contacting the Canadian Paraplegic Assoc. for ideas and assistance to eventually be independent is one I did when I came home; I lived in Vancouver. They were instrumental in my getting on with life. I was at the stage you are now and they were the ones who pulled me thru. Perhaps you're ready to talk with someone face to face who truly understands.

    When you're ready, get into wheelchair sports. You're an athlete. Not being able to burn off energy is not a good thing for guys like us. They definitly saved my life. Ontario is a serious sports association. With your background, you could make one heck of a quad rugby player or any sport you choose.. QR is MMA with chairs; Once you try it, you'll understand. I got laid just as much, before getting married, as I did pre injury. I was in shape, young and had a competitive attitude because of sports. The women flock to w/c athletes; seriously. I refused to attend any practises at first. Didn't want to associate with other gimps. Once I did, my whole world opened up again.

    I feel I misspoke insinuating you weren't tough James. Hell yes you are. We all are. It takes guts and determination to do what we do. I will never get tired of anyone needing to vent.I would rather they did than didn't. It's okay to be mad but not okay to be mean.

    Hang in there, it's worth it. Stay strong this will get better.

    What you doing Pat? You went from one extreme to the other where do you stand speak to me directly, don't feel bad then speak to me softly stand your ground, at least give me that? One difference from me able-bodied I never be able to admit this, you cut me deep man, real deep. But your right I am wasting resources and basically air for people that want it. I need to shut my pathetic whining mouth and get on with it, I got my sign up papers from Digitnas today. You're wrong I'm not tough not anymore, I know myself though I know who I was and I was one tough motherfucker before only in the sense of courage to fight even against the odds, dealing damage, and taking damage, but not anymore it means nothing now i've always held onto it for something but I must admit you crush that probably for the better thank you. I lost my greatest tool and don't know what to do with that like a Carpender without a saw. What can I say to that other and then you're right I may have froze up in the field when bullets are flying, I don't believe I would have, but what proof do I have I didn't do it, so how would I know. One thing I don't agree with is doesn't take much to sign in list, that's a fact especially in the Canadian forces I know guys that are puppies that are enlisted put Facebook pictures of them with a gun, there for all the wrong reasons.

    You've given me some cold hard perspective, I feel much more empty now didn't think it was possible but I do, but it does anger me that I can't prove the doubters wrong and enlist and get a professional fight, but how can I say any of that would have even happened, fuck. This is where I would have been so motivated and went to the gym all day, but not now. I eat and drink, because my dad side doesn't know my plans and would never agree with like my mom side does and there who I live. But without painkillers I probably couldn't be committed to that tried it in the hospital couldnt handle the dehydration first sign of weakness right again. I'm going to physio because my physiotherapist has been one person, really the one friend I have left, love her to death. And I was told from day one if I worked hard enough I would have a chance to walk again, but had to be by the second year. 50,000$ A whole hell of a lot of hours later nothing other than a synrix, and June 23 is right around the corner, I really hate this time of year.

    Already made commitments for OVO festival in Toronto with my friend and my cousin and her friend, bought the hotel myself and tickets, and bought another hotel and In Niagara fall for August 22 with my seven childhood friends, like my brothers I cant go out without last goodbye and I never see them anymore their too busy. Never done it but going to be a shit show with lots of alcohol, strip clubs, casinos and probably cocaine. Whatever go out with a bang!!! You cut me Patrick but it was for the better, made me realize a lot of shit thanks. I'm patiently waiting for kitties evidence then I'll be off no more of this bullshit.

  8. #88
    personal and sensitive information removed

    muay thai One match knocoh out in less than 15 seconds, not me. you don' t know the differencd between a street fight and fighting for you life.

    creds, you fucking kidding me you've got childrens creds. how about jumping from a helo into aHLZbreaking your femur hiking 25 klicks to terminate someone from 750 meters. how about running out of ammo when it is you and rhe enemy who takea out his shovel cause that is all between life and death and surviving. Ever been shot dipshit. how about a mortar.

    you are an egotistical ass with no fucking idea what you're talkinig about. I really tried but you are insufferable. gove it a fucking rest you continue to embarrass your sorry ass. keep dreaming. keep your fantasy alive. You would' t know tough if it bit you int the ass.



    apologies to the board and anyone i might have offended. just give it and your over inflated ego a rest.
    Last edited by ketamine kitty; 05-27-2014 at 09:02 AM.

  9. #89
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    James, I respectfully submit that you have NOT provided us with any evidence of anything. All of the above statements are generalizations. No, none of us have witnessed anything that you claimed to have done, but you do not provide anything except your assertions about your training. You might, for instance name the ex MMA fighter or the military man that you received your training from.

    As an example, I received my HALO training from Chuck Whittle, Arvin Briscoe, and George Coon in Okinawa in 1967 - making 24 tailgate jumps from a C-130 Hercules. Whittle was later the President of USPA (U.S. Parachute Association). Now I could easily let you assume that I was in the Special Forces and on a combat team, but I was a parachute rigger for the First SFG, and the HALO group was happy to train us and let us jump with them in exchange for packing rigs on weekends, when riggers did not have to work.

    When I was much younger, it made me feel tough to drop the fact that I made HALO jumps and was in the First Group on Oki, but as I grew older it was enough to be a good skydiver, and my jump stories did include jumping with SF, but that I was only a rigger.

    No one wants to see you do anything other than stop seeing the negative in your life and concentrate on the things you *can* do. It's really easy to find excuses why we can't do something, and I'm sure that most of us do it from time to time, but being a victim is addictive, and folks will feel sorry for you for a very limited time. The more care that you take from others, the less able you will be able to do for yourself. Don't waste the potential within you by making excuses - man up and start living.
    Don - Grad Student Emeritus
    T3 ASIA A 26 years post injury

  10. #90
    JamesMcM, what is it that you want from the others here? If you seriously have had enough of this life, are you here for permission or looking for justification? I believe if a person has had enough pain, physical or psychological, then they have the right to end that pain. But determining what pain limit is too much is really difficult. If you're trapped in the mindset of extreme athletics, but not willing to use what you have to try something like wheelchair rugby or cycling or anything else, well then, you're pretty much F'd.

    You need to find a new outlet for your energies and anger. I may be wrong, but I don't think you're ready to do yourself in yet. If you were, I think you'd have already done so. Limited abilities or not, one can find a way if truly determined. I personally don't plan on doing it any time soon, but if and when the time and situation comes, I may do so myself. But I've been coping for 24 lonely years and plan to keep doing so for as long as I can... hopefully I'll die naturally at the age of 100.

    Anyhow, do what you can do to make your days tolerable, or even content... otherwise you're only hurting yourself and those around you. Arguing here with others about what you would've or could've done is pointless and doing you no good whatsoever. That's my opinion anyway.

    Good luck.

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