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Thread: Suicide

  1. #61
    Quote Originally Posted by Patrick Madsen View Post
    What's snotty about making a choice; it's reality. You're making a choice right now. You miss the things and dreams you might have done while many of us here lost what we were doing. I was a motion picture stuntman; you think there wasn't an adjustment period to this. I went from being the envy of every man out there to be ostracized and pitied because I wasn't viable to the business anymore. Same with the others here in their professions, difference is we recognize that we did have a choice. It took time and many of us had to go thru the questions and frustrations you are going thru now. 41 years later and I still wake up sometimes questioning if I want to go thru another day; so far I do.

    I never get frustrated over what someone is doing or saying' it's their choice lol. I come to this forum to support and get support. If you need to vent and talk about lost dreams; I'm here to listen.
    "It's how it's worded, and that's what I expected from you Patrick, you're smart enough to realize that. I just wanted to make sure I didn't have to hear the garbage again. Let me ask you this completely hypothetical question if you hated beans your entire life, then one day the only things you have left to eat for the rest of your life are beans and bananas. You never been particularly fond of bananas, but you despise beans they almost made you sick. After so many years of nothing but bananas do you think eventually you would start eating the beans? And if you did do you think you'd start to enjoy them?"

    By the way Patrick I didn't mean to come off as a dick in that post. But literally I knew you were smart and creative enough to understand a subjective scenario and known that no one's person choice is more valid then another.
    but if you could be so kind to look at that hypothetical question thank about it then give me your answer. I know it's difficult to get new realistic answer for a hypothetical question.

  2. #62
    this isn't too sound like a joke at all I'm being completely serious. I honestly don't know if I can go the rest of my life without ever enjoying a blowjob again. Seriously that is a huge deal, it's not something minor I can't emphasize enough, that is an extraordinary loss. (not taking away from losing women sexual UHg preferences I just bias obviously). But seriously I know it's out there and it just eats at me. I could be able body perfectly healthy and not able to feel a blowjob just a blowjob and I would probably at one point or another be suicidal, maybe not to the same extent I am right now planning my own demise but still. It is literally a wonder of this world, nothing can ever replace, and there's not too many things if anything that a man would rather enjoy am I right guys? I May just be young and didn't get enough of my system dear God I miss it. Then there's sex to like honestly I don't know how to live without it, doing it now just isn't the same doesn't do it justice at all it's not even comparable, and ultimately just makes me more upset. There I did it I had to get that aspect off my chest.

  3. #63
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
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    I'm sorry James. Patrick, Twistties and the others said it better. The last few days were especially hard here but now that Dad is rehydrated things are a bit better. Patrick is right. When you go into the military the first job the institution does is to strip away your previous life and make you feel useless, hopeless and weak. Then they remold you and slowly build a stronger body with a new skill set for many and they instill teamwork into almost everything. Doesn't matter if it is enlisted basic training, OCS or West Point it all goes fairly much along the same course. But we do learn to adapt, to rely on each other and we are there for a cause bigger than ourselves. And no this is not a contest of who has it worse. You want that go to a transverse myelitis symposium with a bunch of parents whose little kids suddenly are paralyzed and on vents and no one can really tell them why but even that is not necessarily terminal just unimaginable. We are all just trying to get through this the best we can as it is the only life we get. Very few couch potatoes wind up here because most SCIs are due to trauma. Most of us were very active. You are not the only one.

    If you read all of Clayton's story I hope you noticed the huge change from beginning to end. He begins as a paraplegic contemplating life from a chair or suicide. He becomes so fixated by suicide that by the time he actually commits the act he is no longer sane. You say committing suicide is harder than living. Well, in Oz's case he couldn't do it until he was no longer in his right mind. Maybe that is how he could finally do it.

    I did a bit of googling and it appears that suicide is not illegal in Canada so you can probably quit worrying about being locked up if you talk to a psychiatrist. On the other hand, Switzerland does not technically allow assisted suicide. You can go to Dignatus but they will only give you the means such as poison but you have to take it. Seems that Twistties has a good idea and that is to search for an affordable place in a bigger city and get outside help. See a doc and do what vets do, talk to other injured people. Things can change.
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

    Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

  4. #64
    Good to hear your dad is better Sue and the pressure has been lifted abit. Stay strong.

  5. #65
    Why can't you go to the bar? I'm a C5 and I finally decided to suck it up and rejoin society a few years after my accident by going to bars. I rarely go now, but it helped me get out instead of being home all of the time and dwelling on my situation. As for the small town thing, I live in a town of less that 7,000. Find reasons to get out of the house and keep your mind engaged. I was 23 when I was injured and going back to school was the best decision of my life.

  6. #66
    Quote Originally Posted by Mike Honcho View Post
    Why can't you go to the bar? I'm a C5 and I finally decided to suck it up and rejoin society a few years after my accident by going to bars. I rarely go now, but it helped me get out instead of being home all of the time and dwelling on my situation. As for the small town thing, I live in a town of less that 7,000. Find reasons to get out of the house and keep your mind engaged. I was 23 when I was injured and going back to school was the best decision of my life.

    The hayloft is where she went, it's a popular country bar, really popular shoulder to shoulder I literally wouldn't be able to get around at all. But it's not accessible at all that's why. And catheters my old man does my care, so me and my friends would get to the bar then I get AD have to come back, the max I can go is four hours, that's pushing it if Im drinking.

    I been to the bar a few time since my accident before I was taking medication to calm my bladder and just using a condom catheter and getting infections all the time. Anyways girls would jump on my wheelchair, shove my face in their just, ultimately it just became sexually frustrated, I can't take girls Home, can go to their place and even if somehow I could sex isn't enjoyable for me anymore so It just bothered me. Last time I went was a while ago but I just went with the boys it was alright I guess but it's nothing like it used to be really sucks not being able to go or do whatever we wanted to after The bar no matter what I have to head back home to my hospital bed. We used to just go where the wind takes us, girls house, after party, hell I've woken up in a park once that's all part of the adventure. Whatever I guess with age that all becomes irrelevant just sucks I had to fast-forward from 20 to 30. I should be thankful I even had that short period of time though, some people never get to enjoy that freedom at all, but like every human it's hard to appreciate I always want more for myself.
    Last edited by JamesMcM; 05-25-2014 at 01:38 PM.

  7. #67
    What you need to do is get some cute PCA and go to the bar with her. Just that alone could change your whole outlook on life.
    Quote Originally Posted by JamesMcM View Post
    The hayloft is where she went, it's a popular country bar, really popular shoulder to shoulder I literally wouldn't be able to get around at all. But it's not accessible at all that's why. And catheters my old man does my care, so me and my friends would get to the bar then I get AD have to come back, the max I can go is four hours, that's pushing it if Im drinking.

    I been to the bar a few time since my accident before I was taking medication to calm my bladder and just using a condom catheter and getting infections all the time. Anyways girls would jump on my wheelchair, shove my face in their just, ultimately it just became sexually frustrated, I can't take girls Home, can go to their place and even if somehow I could sex isn't enjoyable for me anymore so It just bothered me. Last time I went was a while ago but I just went with the boys it was alright I guess but it's nothing like it used to be really sucks not being able to go or do whatever we wanted to after The bar no matter what I have to head back home to my hospital bed. We used to just go where the wind takes us, girls house, after party, hell I've woken up in a park once that's all part of the adventure. Whatever I guess with age that all becomes irrelevant just sucks I had to fast-forward from 20 to 30. I should be thankful I even had that short period of time though, some people never get to enjoy that freedom at all, but like every human it's hard to appreciate I always want more for myself.
    "Life is about how you
    respond to not only the
    challenges you're dealt but
    the challenges you seek...If
    you have no goals, no
    mountains to climb, your
    soul dies".~Liz Fordred

  8. #68
    Quote Originally Posted by Sue Pendleton View Post
    I'm sorry James. Patrick, Twistties and the others said it better. The last few days were especially hard here but now that Dad is rehydrated things are a bit better. Patrick is right. When you go into the military the first job the institution does is to strip away your previous life and make you feel useless, hopeless and weak. Then they remold you and slowly build a stronger body with a new skill set for many and they instill teamwork into almost everything. Doesn't matter if it is enlisted basic training, OCS or West Point it all goes fairly much along the same course. But we do learn to adapt, to rely on each other and we are there for a cause bigger than ourselves. And no this is not a contest of who has it worse. You want that go to a transverse myelitis symposium with a bunch of parents whose little kids suddenly are paralyzed and on vents and no one can really tell them why but even that is not necessarily terminal just unimaginable. We are all just trying to get through this the best we can as it is the only life we get. Very few couch potatoes wind up here because most SCIs are due to trauma. Most of us were very active. You are not the only one.

    If you read all of Clayton's story I hope you noticed the huge change from beginning to end. He begins as a paraplegic contemplating life from a chair or suicide. He becomes so fixated by suicide that by the time he actually commits the act he is no longer sane. You say committing suicide is harder than living. Well, in Oz's case he couldn't do it until he was no longer in his right mind. Maybe that is how he could finally do it.

    I did a bit of googling and it appears that suicide is not illegal in Canada so you can probably quit worrying about being locked up if you talk to a psychiatrist. On the other hand, Switzerland does not technically allow assisted suicide. You can go to Dignatus but they will only give you the means such as poison but you have to take it. Seems that Twistties has a good idea and that is to search for an affordable place in a bigger city and get outside help. See a doc and do what vets do, talk to other injured people. Things can change.
    I am pretty sure assisted suicide is legal in Switzerland, but you're right at Dignatus you have to ultimately take the drugs yourself. I was having trouble emailing my filled out membership form, they were giving me instructions. Then when I finally got it done properly they stopped responding it's only been five days but I have been messaging them inpatiently and hope of a response because they always responded within a few hours. I sincerely hope they gave me some type of response, because the uncertainty is driving me crazy. Just to know that I have an option to get out or some type of release to freedom in my eyes, Will be of huge benefit to me. As long as I feel like a prisoner in my own body completely trapped, unable to die peacefully I'll never be able to look at any type of healthy thinking, that includes coping.

  9. #69
    Quote Originally Posted by JamesMcM View Post
    Again with the whiny comments, do you not read what I'm saying, I get that. Trade me eh sue I always liked you, your a nice person, but that's the dumbest thing you've ever said, but considering you have no powers over another's life and if were talking Neverland fairytale crap I would gladly take the cancer that is killing my aunt right now so she could see her second daughter get married and live with my poor uncle. Frist off yes you can get in the military with just your grade 10, secondly I could work my way through the ranks to at least a hand to hand combat trainer if not into the JTF. Thirdly I got my high school from online courses, again with the fing assumptions. And finally what are you trying to do say that you have it 10 times worse then me? Congratulations like what I'm supposed to say to that? I don't know how to put this without being rude, excuse me but you're much older than me you had your chance to work your way through the military and prove your self as did kit, I didn't have my chance so stop flaunting your fucking military experience, please it's just putting salt in the wound and it's ridiculous. All I could find is three or four positions in the task force and the physical requirements, which I would have soared through. I wasn't going to try to be a engineer or anything like that I just wanted to be an assaulter.
    No one wins in a game of who has it worse. JMc. Sue has lived through some shit most of us could never handle. She has done it with grace, courage, fortitude. She offers that strength to others by sharing her experience, strength and compassion. If there is an honest to G_d mensch in our ranks, it's Sue P.

    As for who has had chances taken and dreams stolen via disability, what would you say to someone born with significant disability? It is what it is, JMc. Life is not fair.

    You can whine, continue throwing yourself a pity party, carry on with what you have lost, both tangible and not. There is a time and place for it. Do your grieving for what was, what might have been. Just don't stay there so long you need to change your zip code. Don't live in your head too much.

    Grieve and move ahead. Give yourself the gift of time and put in the work to have the best life you can given your physical circumstances. It won't be the same, but you CAN have happiness again. You may even find a new way to bliss yourself the hell out. i have done things I would never otherwise have done had I had a different body. I don't. I never have. It is what it is.

    Get out of the house and go do something, anything, just keep moving.

    True strength is not physical. It's mental and emotional and spiritual. It's the grit that keeps you going when the shit gets deep. It's the power that tells you tomorrow will be the chance for a better today. It's you being open to learning new ways to surviving and even thriving.

    BTW, if you need medication short or longer term, you do what you need to do. Real strength is knowing when to go for help and when to know you have got this on your own. Only you, perhaps with guidance from a trusted healthcare provider, know when to say you need an assist and when to roll away.

    Your body is what it is. Your life will be what you make of it. True happiness and contentment need not be dictated by the physical self.

    it is up to you.

  10. #70
    I'm all physical

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