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Thread: Suicide

  1. #11
    Senior Member tprewitt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JamesMcM View Post
    Thanks man. But it's not a fight it's a stalemate.
    It's the fight of your life for your life and for the rest of your life. I hope you win the championship bout.

  2. #12
    All I'm saying is there's no conflict, it's just a matter of accepting boredom and help among other things but it's all just acceptance there's no constant exchange of attacks or abuse. Like for example today is a beautiful sunny day, everyone's outside doing things right now, families out and about, but I trapped in my TV room. It's not a battle of any kind it's just sitting here wishing I was outside, whatever all I could do is sit in the sun anyways. Just get bored of an iPad though!

  3. #13
    What level are you James? It'd help to know so others at your level can give you ideas on how to keep yourself busy.


  4. #14
    James, you sound a lot like me. I'm c5 and can move arms and wiggle 1 wrist but nothing else. But up until April 01/1977 I was an outdoors type who always had a smile on my face even though things at home were not that fun. Broke my neck diving into shallow water. Did that dive from that dock 1000 times. So on a full moon at midnight on April fools day I decided I would liven up the 50 or so friends (who I just shut down the bar with )by taking off all my clothes and taking a swim at a friends cabin on lake WALK In Water." Well, at least I put some pizzazz in the party. I saw the -The Light- and it was warm and peaceful. I felt as though I was sinking into it and it was great. But I heard myself saying no it's not time and some how I rolled over and soon waves were passing over my head. I was an A+ swimmer and could swim long distances or great depths under water. My friends keep calling for me to quit playing and get up as I was floating on my back (which I could do for ever). I would wait until a wave would pass over my head then try to holler I'm Not Playing. Soon they realized I was serious and the rest is history. Things were not great at home as my father became mentally ill. He was the best father anyone could have. We hunted, fished, water skied, scuba dived, built rail dune buggies, and other stuff every weekend. I was working on a ranch when this happened. Point is, like you I was a doer not a couch potato. My father started getting sick about 1 year after getting electrocuted at CFI a giant phosphate company. At 12 years old I would fight with my father to get the gun from him so he would not shoot the whole family. Point is I felt like I was the care taker for the family. When I broke my neck my father was in a mental hospital for a week. That meant I had know responsibilities and could blow off some steam. A F or F weekend (*uck or Fight). When I came home from rehab things were the same. Had to change from physical confrontations to mental to talk my father from doing bad. I got good at it and it worked. Funny thing is he died Feb 04/1983 from cancer - Feb 4 was his birthday. If, If, If I could have held out a little longer what would things be like. I dropped out of sports which I was great at and people wonder why. It was my families secret. wrestling, football, baseball, and all. So I basically I to put others (2 sisters, 2 brothers, and mother) needs ahead of mine. After my father died I thought I'm no no longer needed so why not kill myself. My brother was 11 years younger and needed guidance and my sisters needed someone to put the fear of God into their boyfriends. I had purpose and was in good shape for the shape I'm in. For 30 years I had good health. Last 6 years I have a sore that will not heal. I am a Florida summer guy and if it does not get done there is a 51% to 49% I will be gone. There is life and there is quality of life. You are young. Don't hastily make that do or die decision. I have plans for things left to do so I am not ready to go but when I do decide I will not hastily do it or advertise it. There are no do overs. Today I would end it but tomorrow I might feel different. I want to do some volunteer work in Belize, visit a cousin in Hawaii, so I am not giving up yet. Think of the things you can do as opposed to the things you can't. I'm not trying to talk you out of killing yourself but saying make sure you are ready. Friends can be overrated. After about 2 years of being a gimp friends were coming over and partied like nothing happened. I ran them off as I needed to get back to normalcy. If you had not gotten hurt you and your friends would have drifted apart. It's growing up. Things change. Not all changes stem from your accident. It's life, jobs, family, children, etc.

    Just things to think about. Tired of typing. donnie

  5. #15
    Thanks for that man, like I said I am past the point of justifying it or to make sense of my decision I just see no reasonable life for me after severe paralysis like this, so I don't have much more to say but thanks for sharing.

  6. #16
    Tumbleweeds Apparently C4.

  7. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by JamesMcM View Post
    Tumbleweeds Apparently C4.
    I thought you were C 5/6...

  8. #18
    And what is some form of medical intervention comes along soon that could help you? I say don't throw in the towel yet, give it at least another ten years and then make a decision. I had a good friend who said he was going to give it 5 years and he ended his life to that day. I don't think even 5 years is enough to make the right decision. I know myself I was pretty well screwed up for at least 8 years or so after my accident.
    "Life is about how you
    respond to not only the
    challenges you're dealt but
    the challenges you seek...If
    you have no goals, no
    mountains to climb, your
    soul dies".~Liz Fordred

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Scott C4/5 View Post
    I thought you were C 5/6...
    That's why I said apparently, I was looking through my medical notes said C4 constantly, asked my doctor because my surgeon said C-5 C6, she said that your functioning at C4 so I'm class there I guess

  10. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Curt Leatherbee View Post
    And what is some form of medical intervention comes along soon that could help you? I say don't throw in the towel yet, give it at least another ten years and then make a decision. I had a good friend who said he was going to give it 5 years and he ended his life to that day. I don't think even 5 years is enough to make the right decision. I know myself I was pretty well screwed up for at least 8 years or so after my accident.
    Bro I can't even fathom making it five years, I'm trying to tough it to another couple months but it's killing me. Every single day is a struggle.

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