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Thread: Suicide

  1. #31
    James everyone gets this who is on this board. know you are not alone and folks are trying to help and sometime the "then fucking do it" makes you really think more carefully.

    peace bro

    ket

  2. #32
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ioFG999aOCs

    watch this Allen watts is a genius. Wonderful philosopher that uses common sense that you never think about or don't know how to put into words.

  3. #33
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
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    Crappler's right. James your injury is fairly new from what I can tell from your words, unless I missed the injury date. Takes a few years of roller coaster emotions before you can see daylight on some happiness. I'm a para. You sound like you have a lot to say and you write well, so keep at it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Crappler View Post
    James,
    People come to these forums for advice on they're daily struggles, and then you can take the advice and do what you wish with it. What we're NOT here for is to tell it's okay to give up and die, or kill yourself.
    Please donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org.
    Copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.

    Thanks!

  4. #34
    My goodness!! I've been spending some time reading Clayton's posts and threads, he was very intelligent clearly we have the same views on SCI. It's a shame, but others disparity seems to bother me more then my own... Even still I know for him he's in a better place then sitting in a chair. It would have been truly interesting for me and him to meet on this forum, even though I was a natural born trained fighter, craving the way of the samurai, and he was a hard case lawyer.

    I don't know how many of you remember him, it was before my time pertaining to this forum and SCI! Even with his misery he brought something to this community.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Oddity's Avatar
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    But said to Oddity was just in response to him saying if that's my choice then man up and get to it, I'm just explaining it's not that simple.
    It's hard for me to get up some mornings, and I think I have lots of good reasons to. But, no one is going to get up for me. If not me, then who? No one. Simple doesn't always mean easy. Making excuses is easy. Staying in bed instead of going to the bar with your friend is easy. So is not going outside on a nice day because you'd probably "get bored" out there anyway.

    I'm not here to say you have to keep trying no matter your misery, or pain. I'm probably one of the few people here that will tell you it's OK to call it quits. You don't deserve to suffer. No one does. If you don't think you can get past it then you won't.

    It's fine to listen to advice from people with more experience at this. Please don't ignore it. But, also, please don't think you owe anyone anything. Follow your heart. YOUR mind. But, make no mistake, ending your pain will cause it for other people. It is a selfish decision.

    But, so are the decisions you are making now.

    I don't appreciate excuses for inaction. You have more power over your life (or death) than you are using. That was my point.
    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

    "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

    "Even what those with the greatest reputation for knowing it all claim to understand and defend are but opinions..." -Heraclitus, Fragments

  6. #36
    Senior Member Oddity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JamesMcM View Post
    My goodness!! I've been spending some time reading Clayton's posts and threads, he was very intelligent clearly we have the same views on SCI. It's a shame, but others disparity seems to bother me more then my own... Even still I know for him he's in a better place then sitting in a chair. It would have been truly interesting for me and him to meet on this forum, even though I was a natural born trained fighter, craving the way of the samurai, and he was a hard case lawyer.

    I don't know how many of you remember him, it was before my time pertaining to this forum and SCI! Even with his misery he brought something to this community.
    I knew him before either of us landed in a chair. That kid quitting pissed me off. Have to admit it. I'll defend his right to have made the choice he did, but it changed everything I thought I knew about him, and violated everything he purported to have believed, lived for, and stood for, while he could stand.

    You do remind me of him, somewhat, in that while able-bodied you claim to have been so tough, but now act so weak.
    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

    "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

    "Even what those with the greatest reputation for knowing it all claim to understand and defend are but opinions..." -Heraclitus, Fragments

  7. #37
    l aldo defend Oz right to do what he did but at one level was a self centric immature brat and when the going got tough he pussied out.

    Samurai. you clearly have no more than a fantasy of what it was. MMA is hardldly steeped in Bushido or the Hagakure. I studied in japan and my gendoshi was a 10th degree in Ia, Ken, and Judo. And while seppeku is acceptable he would be appaled at your cavalier attitude toIwards it. don't hide behind Bushi which imho you are not even a novice.

    i understand your quandry. I came back from Nam (after going with 5 black belts and teaching hand to hand to Seals and Secret Service with a broken neck shattered spine, broken shoulder shattered leg.

    i still contemplate seppeku, but it must be done of clear mind and purity of purpose and your whining (acceptable) hardly fits the modelmof ritual seppeku.

    find peace where you are make your decision, write your death poem, do the other components and ifcyou see fit do it.

    until then learn to live. and stop the bullshit about antidepressants and shit shrinks.

    i truly wish you peace, strength and courage.

    ket

  8. #38
    Quote Originally Posted by JamesMcM View Post
    My goodness!! I've been spending some time reading Clayton's posts and threads, he was very intelligent clearly we have the same views on SCI. It's a shame, but others disparity seems to bother me more then my own... Even still I know for him he's in a better place then sitting in a chair. It would have been truly interesting for me and him to meet on this forum, even though I was a natural born trained fighter, craving the way of the samurai, and he was a hard case lawyer.

    I don't know how many of you remember him, it was before my time pertaining to this forum and SCI! Even with his misery he brought something to this community.
    If you consider having your flesh eaten away by maggots, six feet under, and no conscious thought for the rest of eternity, a better place, then yes. There is no Clayton.

  9. #39
    Quote Originally Posted by ketamine kitty View Post
    l aldo defend Oz right to do what he did but at one level was a self centric immature brat and when the going got tough he pussied out.

    Samurai. you clearly have no more than a fantasy of what it was. MMA is hardldly steeped in Bushido or the Hagakure. I studied in japan and my gendoshi was a 10th degree in Ia, Ken, and Judo. And while seppeku is acceptable he would be appaled at your cavalier attitude toIwards it. don't hide behind Bushi which imho you are not even a novice.

    i understand your quandry. I came back from Nam (after going with 5 black belts and teaching hand to hand to Seals and Secret Service with a broken neck shattered spine, broken shoulder shattered leg.

    i still contemplate seppeku, but it must be done of clear mind and purity of purpose and your whining (acceptable) hardly fits the modelmof ritual seppeku.

    find peace where you are make your decision, write your death poem, do the other components and ifcyou see fit do it.

    until then learn to live. and stop the bullshit about antidepressants and shit shrinks.

    i truly wish you peace, strength and courage.

    ket
    Frist I hate when guys Flaunt their military experience, I never had the chance it's not a fair assumption. I was making my way to the military before my accident I wanted to make my way to the joint task force 2. Canada's equivalent of the Navy SEALs, but I will Amit our army forces are not comparable to the states yes but they're pretty elite nonetheless. Dude I used to eat, shit, breathe training dropped out of high school to train. I would constantly get in street fights just to test my abilities, with honor and never hurt anyone that wasn't trained or a tough arrogant little prick that wanted to fight, and never went overboard. Haha I remember going to Niagara Falls and there was this massive guy clearly military, Braggen about hand to hand combat of course he was American. He eyed me up out of the crowd said this guy looks tough bet you he's got nothing on me I'm military blah blah, he was much older, and bigger clearly knew how to fight well trained I won't lie I was too intimidated, till body fluids started flying. I was seriously angry and violent guy, martial arts level me out but when he did that I was ready to kill him then and there. We went outside he opened up with a sucker punch probably the hardest I've ever been hit went down the ground did a kick up to my feet "oh this guys serious Jet lee haha" came at me with a tep kick shuffle the kick aside putting him off balance right cross right to the nose, He turned bad mistake inside leg kicks took him right off his feet I drop down with a nice elbow and proceeded with sloppy hooks and Hammerfest you know how a street fight is hard to keep clean, he was done unconscious I had his life in my hands. I stopped even with all the rage inside I got up then realize how much blood was on the from his nose people look at me like was the grim reaper. I feed off it, I love when I'm intimidated , legs shaking I basically wanted to piss my paints I faced it anyways, sometimes that you got me beat up I enjoy that kind of pain it made me stronger and more adapted to it, you don't kick trees with your bare shins taking a bread roller over it, or Punch concrete for 20 minutes every night after boxing with bare knuckles and a single sheet of paper without enjoy pain but it was a test that not many people can do. I would always have myself mentally trained and prepared using my mind in case of a real scenario where I was to get mugged or attack with a gun face the gun let him shoot me rather than beg, protect my friends that werent prepared like me basically a dangerous mentality. Any martial artist can beat any fighter no matter what style or art they use do not flaunt your belts at me, they mean nothing outside the dojo, there just a way to gloat and a way to make un experienced an untrained fighters idolize you. Well No art is better than another in my mind, It it's all dependent on the fighter . But I have completely demolished tae kwon do, Akido trainers, literally high level masters with aggressive Mauy Thai. MMA stands above any singular art now a days, In the sense of effective damage dealing look at Gracie versus Matt Hughes, far more experienced martial artist but nothing he had could compete with the aggressive, brute force of Matt MMA.

    I have no weapons training, I do not know their martial arts and there techniques. I mean their mentality I have studied them, I did my essays on them and yes movies have had minor influences. But it is a fact if a samurai face any real defeat, they would kill themselves for honor, just to save the last little bit of honor even though it's out of disgrace and embarrassment. My life doesn't mean more to me then my integrity, dignity and honor. I have been fingered up the FUCKING ass by multiple people including my father!! Against my will at first, I choice death the instant that was explained to me, not out of fear, or weakness, or strength, but of keeping the slightest remnants of my dignity.

    You speak of this strength it takes to live as a quad, is it really that hard to sit in a chair, have most things done for you, try to find a new identity, trying to do as many tiny tasks we can by looking for Little weird techniques. Stuff that used to be irrelevant and done within seconds. All well seeking guidance and comfort from psychiatrist, peers support groups, OT, physiotherapist people that constantly remind you it's okay there's life after this it's okay to feel sad here take happy pills , All of these prepared one-liners they've used over and over boo-hoo, then have doctors tell you how to piss and shit. then have workers make ramps all over Society for us so we can get around have everything laid out perfectly Screw that, that's a fucking joke I've been a whiny little baby and it sickens me, it's disgusting you guys don't have to softly remind me of my self-pity, i look in the mirror and want to beat myself senseless not because I'm a scrawny cripple oh what will I do, but because I let people violate my ass then whine about it, I actually go on an Internet forum and complain I even cried well I write some of my posts like a weak little prick. I even lowered myself to speak to a shrink, yeah I'll pour my heart I'll open myself right up to anyone tell them my deepest insecurities whatever, then people say oh my god that was so strong don't make me laugh. By the way I go outside and sit in the sun all the time when given my ramp, I go to bars all the time, the reason I don't go out every day is because I physically can't, I can't get to my door down a few steps, and no vehicles to drive. I don't have caregiver my dad looks after me completely with resent he's wont take me out I get my two days of physiotherapy that's it, that's fine I agree with that I'm done arguing I live by that for now. Anything else is if my friends rarely come by and then we lay out the ramp then go to the lake, mall, bar etc. I love to go out more, I am not scared to leave my bed, I need someone to get me out that is disgusting as that is, it really isn't difficult in any way shape or form to sit in my chair and go out into public and do what few things I can still do realistically I would do it constantly if I had the option trust me.

    You want to confuse the hell of me and say killing your self is the cowards way out, that doesn't make sense at all considering death is the epitome of fear which to my knowledge none of you have said, but nonetheless feel free, you want to say I am selfish feel free, things along that lines whatever. BUT Do not bring up my past fights say I was never tough etc if you were to challenge me like that when we were healthy I would graciously except fight you on the spot fear or no fear and if you were better than me I would die trying. Do not make assumptions about me The exact way I live and what goes through my mind that are completely outrageous and absolutely wrong, just based off one pathetic whiny message on a Internet forum all pertaining to coping with spinal cord injury. You think you can just cross those lines and then finish with I wish you the best of luck and hope you do well garbage and it's okay fine and dandy, those are fighting words those get the gloves off. You brought me to this by crossing those lines repeatedly every single time now I finally had it so I spoke my mind I didn't hold my tongue.

  10. #40
    you never held your tongue but have pissed and moaned at every attempt to reach out orvhelp you you may have been a tough mother but face what you are. and seal? mental discipline may be the most important component, something i see lacking in all your posts. no worries i'll not respond to you again

    ket

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