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Thread: Newbie - Not really sure how this is all going to be OK. Fell too far.

  1. #11
    I know this may not sound like much, but just listen to me when I say : You'll get there. 7 months is so new and fresh that there might not seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there. It took me about 2 years to get a grip on my situation, and even then it didn't seem like much. Next week will mark my 11th year, and I am at the happiest I have ever been. Married last year, bought a new, 25 weeks pregnant. It is all possible, but you just have to be willing to be open to a "new" kind of life. It's different, yes, but it is going to be different regardless of whether you are happy or miserable. Might as well make it happy, right?? I hope that your wife can somehow find the good and happy too. It's really worth it.

    Sending good thoughts for you.
    If there is light
    it will find

    --Charles Bukowski

  2. #12
    CurlieQ is so right. The life you have now is very different but it is the only life you will get, live it to the max. You are going through a very natural and healthy period of mourning, please persist to see what's on the other side.

  3. #13
    Thanks everyone for the kind words. It still looks so dark; I pray that everyone is right and that "it gets better" although I'm not sure how the body feel I have (always uncomfortable) is going to resolve itself. Not being able to share the experiences with my children and friends that I've grown accustomed to seems like it will always be a present source of grief at the front of mind. No way i can run with my kids, play sports, etc etc which was a component of my life that was very important to me that cannot be replaced. How does that "get better" when it can't happen now?

  4. #14
    Senior Member willingtocope's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Pleasant Hill Iowa
    It certainly doesn't get better than it used to will get better than it is now. You'll learn to deal with the many, many challenges coming at you. It takes time. Take a year, maybe two, for your pity party. Then figure out how you're going to face getting up in the morning...

  5. #15
    This is just something that came to my mind, and if it seems weird to you, forgive me. But already the fact that you are sharing your feelings here is a step in the right direction, I think. And if you can go through this all with honesty and courage, your kids will be so proud of their dad.

  6. #16
    Thanks Regine. I'm open and have no problem sharing what I feel. I just feel so trapped. I don't want to continue like this, but I dont want to not go on. Not sure if that makes sense...

  7. #17
    It makes all the sense in the world, at least the bizarro world of sci. There are only two options, both of which suck and seem intolerable. It's damn hard not to get lost in the despair of it.

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Whately, MA United States
    Blog Entries
    I was 46 when I got crippled, and when I got out of rehab, I put on a positive face for the world - always. Somehow, that made it easier for me to believe that it would get better. I remember thinking in rehab that there was no way the nurses could know that life would get easier, but they had seen so many folks go through it that they *did* know that people *do* come back a couple of years later with a positive outlook. If you keep telling yourself the same lie long enough, it becomes the truth.

    I wish the very best for you.
    Don - Grad Student Emeritus
    T3 ASIA A 26 years post injury

  9. #19
    5 years out in a few months. Everything everyone says here is true. It does get better but you need to want to get better. My long term girlfriend left me after a year and at first it was all shits but then you pick yourself up because you are a fighter. If not, you will be miserable for a long time or maybe forever. That is up to you. Mourn, cry, scream.. get the majority out and then see what you are able to do and change your perspective on life. You can't change the past but you can definitely change your future. I am sorry it is not the way you see it (yet) but this is it bud! Either kick its ass or get your ass kicked.

    Drop your ego and learn to live this new life. I know guys who are much higher level than you and are doing great. Marriage, good job, traveling.. We are all in the same boat.
    c5/c6 brown sequard asia d

  10. #20
    Thanks Jerkens and all. Jerkens, I know you're right. I feel like self pity is a stronger force than my will. Like it's easier to be sad than motivated. I've never felt like this before (depressed?) which is what makes it so scary. How am i supposed to get out of this downward spiral? How do I will myself out of it. This is harder than anything else ive ever needed to do by orders of magnitude.

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