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Thread: Advice on accepting help

  1. #1
    Senior Member grommet's Avatar
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    Advice on accepting help

    It's about using a hoist. I accepted using it for a while and it was a big leap for me to get there but after a while I went back to denial and I avoided using it by not participating in things where I need it.

    I don't like this, missing out and not accepting things. I want to start using it again but for some reason I feel more embarrassed than ever being cranked up and down in the thing. It's only in my head because nobody around me cares at all. It's me, I see myself differently when I am in the thing. I went through this with starting to use the chair (18+years ago) and like I said, when I first started using a hoist. But it was a year ago that I made the change and said okay I would use it and for a while it was okay and then I just felt like I couldn't do it any more.

    So does anyone have any advice on how I can get myself comfortable with using it again? I just feel stupid being uncomfortable about it. Denial isn't getting me far. Help is what I'll always need and that is who I am. Something about that hoist just says "disabled" to me in a way that other things don't as much. I don't like using any of the equipment I do but I'm really stuck with this hoist thing.

    Help appreciated.
    Last edited by grommet; 03-17-2014 at 12:50 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member willingtocope's Avatar
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    Who helps?

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    grommet I sort of have the same. It is not about using physical device. Really not sure what it is, but I do know it is an up and down roller coaster. Times I think it is great and keep doping what I am doing and trying add and other times it is like, this is a total waste od my time. Somehow, something turns me back on, I think my dog, and I get going again. It is extremely frustrating for me. I cannot stand it. My dog knows I get pissed at myself. He keeps coming back.

  4. #4
    It is difficult to accept the use of technical aids or equipment for things you formerly could do yourself. It goes along with disability and aging for most. It is important to not feel that you are "giving in" to the disability, or "letting the disability win" if you use these tools. The tool is allowing you to continue to be independent and live outside an institutional setting.

    Lifts and wheelchairs are just that...tools that allow you to do the things you want and need to do. Using an appropriate tool is not giving in. We don't expect a carpenter to pound nails with his hands...he uses a hammer, which is the right tool to use for that function. No one says he is "giving in to the nail" for doing that! For you, a lift is the right tool to use to allow you to get in and out bed or on/off your shower chair or commode. Not using a tool when needed may cause you harm (damage to your shoulders, for example) or injure your caregiver. It might also result in you being bed bound, or home bound.

    Learning to laugh about these things can also be a big help. We often joke and tease our clients when using our lifts and get them to join in. Humor can take the sting out of a lot of these things that you consider indignities.

    (KLD)

  5. #5
    Senior Member grommet's Avatar
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    SCI-Nurse, I think you are right that humor helps. It seems to help more than anything when things are hard. I am getting some of those same feelings I had when I first had to use a chair inside. I remember that day very well. I'd fought months to accept using a chair while going out, then one day I couldn't get across the room and I used the chair. Freedom. I could get around at home much better but it hit me like a wall falling down on me - now I use a wheelchair all the time. Very rough day. Using the lift feels like an irreversible step - progress in a direction I don't want but that's what disability is. By the way just for clarity, I am talking about using a hoist to get in and out of boats for sailing, nothing at home. I have to admit there are times at home when I would appreciate something to help pull me up but this is something different. Thanks for the words of support :-)

  6. #6
    Same applies to using a lift for sailing (or any other recreation activity like swimming). Have fun with it. I know in our local sailing program that using the lifts is often the subject of much halarity, not at someone's expense, but with them. And it is much safer for the staff than trying to lift you in and out of the boat manually.

    (KLD)

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    Progress, keep in mind, there is mental progress as well as the physical. There even is mental that "comes along for the ride" that we are not even aware of happening. I found at times I get so addicted with the physical process it creates all kinds of problems/issues/setbacks. Many times I think I find myself trying to make too much progress at 1 time and the real issue is I am overlooking something.

  8. #8
    Senior Member willingtocope's Avatar
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    The reason I asked "Who helps?" is, in my mind, I have a problem imposing myself on friends or family. On the other hand, if it someone I pay to help, I have no qualms about asking for what I need.

  9. #9
    SCI is right. Its a tool. We all have cars with power steering and brakes. People don't think they are weak because of it. We use pens with ink cartridges, not ink and quill. I use an electric scooter at state fairs, car shows etc instead of pushing my chair. I found I could hold a beer with the scooter!!!!. Sometimes stuff is good.

  10. #10
    Senior Member grommet's Avatar
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    Oh, I didn't understand your question. It's not paid staff, just friends or volunteers.

    Quote Originally Posted by willingtocope View Post
    The reason I asked "Who helps?" is, in my mind, I have a problem imposing myself on friends or family. On the other hand, if it someone I pay to help, I have no qualms about asking for what I need.

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