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Thread: How do you get over your body rotting away?

  1. #1

    How do you get over your body rotting away?

    This is one of the main reason suicide looks like a valuable option for me. My body was my temple before this, now I'm forced to watch and feel my bones and muscles Atrophy and weather away, quiver in fear as catheters, cameras, vacuum lasers are shoved in my penis. as well as my ass. Ive lost nearly 50 pounds of solid muscl, had five UTIs and kidney infections, and multiple Bladder stones, Who knows how many fractures. And It's only been a little under a year and a half for me, what's it going to be like in five, 10, 20, 40 years. And the worst thing is I do lots of physiotherapy but that cant stop you from rotting when your body is literally dead from the neck down. How are you supposed to deal with this!! You just accept it how!!! I understand That denial is a huge part in coping with this injury even for those who have so-called's "accepted" it, but I don't think I'll ever be able to do that, cant Block reality out.

  2. #2
    Senior Member willingtocope's Avatar
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    You got two choices: 1.) Fight Back! b.) Accept that this hell.

    The easy one to say is Fight Back...use the inner strenght you had before that led you to have muscles to spare, and figure out a how to deal with the shit that's being shoveled your way now. I feel your frustration...I went from a very muscluar 280 after 5yrs of cardiac rehab down to 175 where I am now. I'm not happy about that.

    The other way...accept this is hell...says suicide isn't really an option. Maybe you did die in that car accident; maybe my heart attack 12 years ago did kill me. Maybe I gave up back then and offed myself...and what I've got now is my "reward". I'm alone...there are people who bring me food, and clean my apartment...but only because I pay them. I've still got a job, but I don't really have any money. I'm working for a boss that would rather have it "pretty" than "functional". I need the job to pay for the insurance and the remaninants of my former life (house, car, etc) that I can't use any more but can't sell. I type with one finger, because the other hand won't cooperate. My publisher would take more manuscripts but I can't type fast enough to produce one...even if I could muster up the interest in producing it.

    My advice? Better the hell you know than none at all. I'll keep treading water until they stick me in the fire..

  3. #3
    Senior Member Oddity's Avatar
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    Well, you either do get over it or you don't. For my mileage, wallowing in self-pity and depression creates a state of Mind, and Being, that is motivation enough, in-and-of itself, to just NOT do it. In other words, spending time and focus on maintaining attachments to your past (about unchangeable aspects of your present) generates suffering. Self inflicted unpleasantness. The experience of unpleasantness motivates a change in focus and attention onto other aspects of Life. Unless, you enjoy making yourself miserable. Life forms, such as we know them, don't tend to continue behaving in ways that aren't positively reinforcing in one way, or another. I'd try hard to suss out what I was getting out of your patterns of thought, if I shared them.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Oddity's Avatar
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    Just re-read and thought, without a basic understanding of my beliefs, it probably sounds cold, and dismissive. I truly don't mean it that way. One of my beliefs is a strong acknowledgement that our focus determines our reality. Not, that our reality determines our focus. The state of our Body is not an independent reality which controls the state of our Minds. Our Minds, mostly using language, interpret our perceptions and create narratives out of them. The stories we tell ourselves about our perceptions form the bedrock of our experience of "reality". Try to form a habit of telling yourself stories about your experiences that build you up, rather than tear you down. The choice truly does reside within your Mind to do this. When our perceptions seem so overwhelming as to dominate us, it may be wise to spend some time really thinking as to what it is we are getting out of the stories we are telling ourselves, internally. Practiced introspection, I guess. "Digging deep", as it were. Providing the opportunity for what seems a shitty situation to grow us, as people, towards a kinder internal narrative about our reality.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
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    What exactly do you do in physio? Is your diet not just adequate but optimal?

  6. #6
    I'm also interested to hear what you do in physio. Things can be done to prevent your body from rotting away. If you were a lean, chiseled pile of muscles before your injury, nothing currently exists that will allow you to get back to the optimal physical shape you were once in. But continual decline isn't the only option for you. FES, WEIGHT-BEARING activity, and medication can all be used to stop the loss of bone and muscle.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Susqu's Avatar
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    From what I read, you need to find a new definition for yourself.

    Sounds like you defined who you were by the shape your body was in. Now that you've lost the body you used to have you've lost yourself.

    Redefine yourself, find something you're good at or get some training at something you'd like to do and then get REAL good at it.

    I guess I was lucky in that I never traded on my physical self before the accident. I was always the smart one, or the capable one. The one to go to when there was a crisis. Thank goodness I still have those traits, I simply had to learn how to direct others to accomplish things I used to just get in and do in a flash.(not an easy thing sometimes)


  8. #8
    Manual therapy, active therapy, FES, lokomat. Breakfast: organic smoothie (health force green, earth, colostrum, cocao powder, warrior food protein, ezorb calcium) Lunch: Whole wheat turkey sand which with cheese dinner: chicken, salad, salmon, pasta, chili, carrots, broccoli, potatoes etc

    Supplements: vitamin D spray, chickpea/ natto vitamin K 2, bamboo extract, vitamin C, fish oil.


    Beyond optimal i'd say, even if I reverse osteoporosis with weight bearing , FES, and a terrible drug that has major side effects. Not likely. The infections and stone are inevitable..

  9. #9
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    What you're alluding to takes. 25-30yrs and that's when none of us had access to the things you do. I don't believe you'll be in your current state in 15, maybe less, years. Keep doing what you're doing but try to irk out some fun! So many things to do in Toronto ... disabled sailing on Sundays near the harbourfront and that's available for tetras as well. Not sure if you could do rugby? (Level of injury). Getting around others like me was a lifesaver for me. A well respected police psychologist once told me, "Schedule 10mins of mourning, sadness, crying or whatever into your day. Once those 10mins are up, move on until tomorrow." Focus on what you can do and set small goals to achieve others. Unfortunately my melancholy has never left me and sometimes it wins, but I never give up.

  10. #10
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
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    What kind of active therapy? Free weight? What are you up to? Do they have an Uppertone because you need strength in your upper body and core too. Have someone hold your shoulders back to row until you find out if this might trigger rhomboids kicking back in. The lokomat as I understand it will help with bones and balance. But do talk to an OT. They do great stuff now. If you don't currently have mid to lower back muscles ask an OT to try out Kiniseo tape on you to help pull your shoulders back and also along your spinal mucsles both sides of your vertebral column. You should be close to the 2 years when your body starts recovering from the insult and your big problem will be utis. So start building muscle where you can and maintaining range and bones where you can't.

    Get over yourself and begin training for your new life. This is literally very much like military basic training where they break you down and then rebuild what is needed: a disciplined team player who maintains his peak preformance ability for him and goes for the goals that are now set for him. Kick boxers are about useless to society in 2013 Canada. Find something useful to study.

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