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Thread: How do you make people understand

  1. #1

    How do you make people understand

    Honestly, how can I make my family understand that after almost 10 years, I am no longer actively waiting and looking for something that will allow me to walk down the aisle next October. How do I get them to understand that my life is just fine in the chair and that it really is an "easier" life then if I even would be able to use braces and crutches to get somewhere. I have tried doing this many times and it has always ended in disappointment anyway and lately I have been having much more pain, balance issues etc that would just make attempting braces/crutches that much harder and frustrating I would think.

    What makes this so annoying is that this conversation comes up at least every few months. I am soooo sick of trying to defend my position. I can't wait until next October when I can finally just get out of my parents house and live the life I want without fear that they will ridicule me for how I choose/not choose to pursue more therapy.


  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    western MA USA
    I am not sure I understand your situation re walking down the aisle next October. Presumably you are referring to getting married.
    Some people will never understand that pursuing walking at any cost is not every person's goal and agenda with sci or other mobility related disability. Therefore I don't believe that you need to keep trying to make them understand your feelings. family or otherwise. It is enough to be who you are.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains
    Becky...we have had this conversation a hundred times. Why even justify the questions with responses? I think you allow your family too much control but on the other hand, it is hard when you have to depend on them because of all the illness you have had. They come to expect having a say in your affairs when you depend on them to help you.

    I think if you are going to control your own destiny, you are going to have to stop depending on them so much. This was true for me at your age too so I do understand what you are going through.

    The wedding should be about you. Taking the easy way is a double edged sword. You can limit yourself and develop a dependence on someone else while being too independent can rob you of your health.

    You can't make them understand. Just please will be much happier in the end.

  4. #4
    Yes, sorry... I am getting married next October 25th


  5. #5
    I guess understand is the wrong word. Maybe what can I say to them to have them stop bringing it up? My response is always the same anyway. And yes, I know that we have touched on this topic of discussion before but lately it has been poured down my throat so it was just on my mind.


  6. #6
    [SIZE=14px]This was a double entry!!![/SIZE]

  7. #7
    [SIZE=14px]Hi Becky,

    I can sympathize with you about the crutches and braces (in my case, an AFO). Since I threw away my crutches and went to a chair, my quality of life has greatly improved. As someone has posted on here several times, walking is over-rated and I certainly agree with the statement. I realized this after "walking" most of my life. To parents, I guess for you walking down the isle is their dream come true. (They sacrificed so much for me that I figured I owed them that much.) Just do what is right for Becky and congratulations.

    Good luck.[/SIZE]

  8. #8
    Becky...I dont think you can change them. I havent been able to change my mom. I just refuse to engage in these conversations anymore. Glad you are doing better

  9. #9
    I told my family and friends that I would rather exert my energy on the things that make me happy, I feel that all the time and energy wasted in therapy learning/trying to use braces, then being less efficiently mobile, that its not worth it, most of them understand.

  10. #10
    Quite frankly, I don't really think you can. 13-14 years in and I have the same ongoing issues with my wife and family. I am a dread walker but am bad and getting worse. In fact they get very little of what life with SCI is like and there has been precious little change in their understanding.

    Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!!!!


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