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Thread: I have had it. I can't take it any more

  1. #31
    Here is Jasper a few days before:
    Thanks Lonecoaster and Lynnifer for your notes. I know I am a newbie at SCI compared to you. My hats off that you can stay positive. Sorry Lonecoaster to break your bubble about temporarily losing it to SCI. I am feeling better. It is the evenings that get me. I think the pain crescendos.

    Imight - that is good about tramadol helping you.

    djk - there is a price to pay with all the meds. The side effects, paradoxical increase in pain, withdrawal to look forward to , downregulation of synaptic opiate receptors, etc.
    Thanks HLH, David, Bonnette , Lameme- I am not giving up - I never was - I just needed to scream out. F*ck SCI and the medical complications, chronic pain that makes one to close to the edge to manage the normal ups and downs of life, and the death of my beautiful friend.

  2. #32
    Jasper, how beautiful...inside and out.
    MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions

  3. #33
    Senior Member Cowboys_Place's Avatar
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    arndog, Sorry about your loss, our pets can be closer to us than family and friends. We tell them things we don't discuss with others because they listen to us unconditionally.

    Even though they can't answer or take the pain away some how they make dealing with it a little easier.
    I don't have pets anymore because I can't imagine dealing with the pain of losing another one while at the same time dealing with the pain caused by SCI.

    Since I've worn my family out complaining about my pains I have now turn to my SCI brothers and sisters on here when it comes to helping me deal it. You've been one of them giving me words of encouragement when times have been hard. Four months ago I was writing goodbye letters to family and friends with plans of ending it all June 28 my 29th anniversary.
    I couldn't and at times still can't take the pain. But you and others encouraged me too keep trying and to take as much medication as was needed to get through that day and onto the next.
    I'm so glad to hear you were just having a I need to say, f*&K IT day and you are sticking around to wallow in the misery with the rest of us.

    Again sorry about Jasper, I hope today was a little better and tommorrow more so.
    Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. .(John Wayne)

  4. #34
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    As everyone is saying, it is a roller coaster. Keep talking here. It probably puts you on the uphill.

  5. #35
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    (((Jasper))) Looks like a great dog!
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  6. #36
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    So sorry about Jasper. They touch our lives in so many ways.

    I hope you are feeling better today. When I had to put my Daisy down...I lost it too. It just gets too much.

    (((hugs)))
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  7. #37
    I'm so sorry, Anrdog! I cannot imagine. You're in my thoughts.
    Incomplete, SCI, T1-T8, w/ Arachnoid Cyst. Bilateral shoulder surgeries, 2 on the left, 3 on the right, right forearm surgery for a crushed radial nerve.

    "We can always choose to perceive things differently. We can focus on what's wrong in our life, or we can focus on what's right."
    — Marianne Williamson

  8. #38
    Losing a dog is awful! I'm so sorry for your loss.

  9. #39
    Senior Member da lurker's Avatar
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    It was somehow uplifting, edifying, or something like that to read your first post

    I then wrote this...
    I am (tired of) pharmacologically stamping out pain when it shows up.
    I'm tired of nodding off like a junky.
    I'm tired of the thought "what if my dr cuts me off".
    I remember the first 6 years of sci pain...I toughed it out before I entered the realm of pharmacology.
    I remember the horrid side effects of the newest miracle antiepileptic drug..
    I am (tired of) the indignantcy of not being allowed a handful of seconal..
    I am (tired of) the indignantcy of wanting a handful of seconal.........
    ........just thinking.

    always, mass respects to you arndog and all.
    sorry about jasper

    Hope I aint too improperally improper.
    tom


    Welcome to The Flat Earth Society

  10. #40
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
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    What difference would it make if I reached the end of my rope, or not? It's not like I have any way of euthanizing myself to and the torment. There are no spare Kevorkian machines available, and even if there were, nobody around me would let me get one.
    Alan

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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