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Thread: I have had it. I can't take it any more

  1. #21
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Not sure how, but my dog does those things you are saying here. It is actually pretty indescribable. I never got him for that reason. Got him because love dogs. Somehow, he knows I am in a wheelchair and a different person than every other person he has met. That simply baffles me. The nut even used to sit on my lap while I was on the toilet. He did try shower 1X and that was then end for that. Actually pretty funny.

    Quote Originally Posted by arndog View Post
    Sorry for the cryptic message, I wrote it late at night, fully demorilized.
    it is dawn, and I am awake again. I do appreciate all of your concern. I have been having a particularly hard time of late, although I can't compare my life as a partially ambulatory para to a quad. But the fatigue of always being in miserable pain is wearing. I am a very optimistic individual but recently having difficulty in the evenings.

    I lost my dog, Jasper, my English Pointer, glorious animal who was more than a pet last week. I channelled my lost athleticism through him, I derived great joy in watching him run and he was lucky enough to have a benevolent master to say when it is time to hang it up. I asked the vet to put him down. We don't have anyone to do the same for us. He likely developed a spine tumor and couldn't support his weight on all four extremities. Sounds familiar. He was the most noble, benevolent creature to grace the earth ( I am sure all dog owners feel this way about their pet). When I would roll up in a ball of pain in bed, he would join me and patiently be with me as I hung onto his neck.

    But I am not going to OD, I have strong family obligations. This forum is just the last ear that will listen no matter what time of day or night. Loved ones have heard it all before and can only take so much - we have all covered this concept of compassion fatigue before in different threads.

    I guess we do have each other and thank you for your response of concern. I am just unable to maintain optimism and view another decade of this wearily.

  2. #22
    Arndog, I'm thinking of you and hoping that you'll be able to find a combination of meds that will bring relief. I am so very sorry to hear about Jasper. The loss of such a dear companion is indescribably hard.
    MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions

  3. #23
    Hey everyone - thank you for your concern. I will get through this with the help of family and friends. Many of them are right here. I can't tell you how much your responses mean to me. I have always tried to be the supercrip with all the parasports but I guess I am made of flesh and blood after all and need some help from friends. Thanks all for reaching out. I am okay...

  4. #24
    Arndog, I've been following this thread today and I'm glad it sounds like you're doing a little better. I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.

  5. #25
    I am so sorry you lost Jasper. What a sad, sad week.

    It's enough to push you to the edge, when you are already close.

    Do what you need to do Arndog. Don't deprive yourself. You know me... I'm a drug pusher.

    You can do it. One day at a time.

    Thinking of you, and wishing you better days.

  6. #26
    i have a hard time understanding the desire to not use pain medications. if you are in a bunch of pain that can be attenuated down via medicine it seems a no brainer to use them. this isn't about continually punishing yourself because you need medication, this is about finding solutions that will make you enjoy your life as much as possible. you need to overcome the guilt thing that seems to exist around taking medicine. ok, off the soapbox. i'm sorry to read aboutthe passing of your dog. i wish you the best.

  7. #27
    Arn, I'm saddened to hear you lost your faithful Jasper. He was beautiful in so many ways.

    Don't feel bad about taking drugs to see you through if that is what it takes. I'd sure as hell take them if I had not become addicted.

    We are here, will continue to listen, commiserate and understand.

    Dump what is happening and how you are feeling here. We get it.

    Wishing better days for us all.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Imight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    I'm slowly getting off pain meds, in fact I feel like a freaking fein with these withdrawals. god damn I tell you now it sucks. Luckily I have a substitute. Tramadol, but of course in china they're extremely weak (opiates are illegal, and only given post surgery). I ran out of hydrocondones and have decided to free myself, no longer have to worry about ODing or bms being so irregular that I'm doing damage to organs. I knew the time would come when I'd let go.

    Do I feel pain right now? yes. I do. but if I recall, the pain increase you feel after you stop taking pain meds are actually withdrawal syndromes. Last year I did get off periodically and after 10 days, I noticed the pain wasn't actually that bad. I would get neuropain and shoulder pain flare ups, and thus the reason I got back one it but looking back now, I probably should have rode it out and taken a tramadol or hydrocodeine or something.

    disclaimer: I'm not suggesting anything, I'm merely sharing my own.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Imight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Just finished reading the thread. Damn man, I'm real sorry to hear arndog. I remember so many pictures of you and your dog, you guys look so happy together out in the snow, tracks etc. That must hurt.

    Are you going to get another dog? A puppy? I think it'll help motivate you, not saying to replace your dog, but to raise another lucky dog with a good master.

    Good luck with your pain, I'm sure you'll find a solution, you're a smart guy, you know what you have to do. do it.

  10. #30
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    Quote Originally Posted by lonecoaster View Post
    I read the title, seen it before, looked under to see who was driven to this point and got a lump in my throat. If anyone told SCI to take a flying fuck, it's you. I admire your accomplishments.
    Same here. You're only (ha - only) injured 11 years and I only mention it because I look up to YOU!

    Mourn the dog. But get a puppy. Jasper wouldn't want you to be alone.

    Re family obligations ... all the good ones ... always taken!!!! lol

    P.S. Post pictures of said puppy.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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