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Thread: I have had it. I can't take it any more

  1. #41
    Thanks -Da Lurker. I have a lot of the same thoughts. I think I need to enquire if my pain management physician plans on retiring and I will have to find a new one who may have a different philosophy about meds, like "no one needs opiates".

    Alan - don't you have control over what you eat and drink? What is stopping you from stopping eating or drinking water? I don't mean to be endorsing this but I hate to hear that you don't have control. I have the same thoughts at times and hope I have control when the time is right.
    Thanks for letting me know.

  2. #42
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Baltimore, MD
    If I were to try to stop eating or drinking, my sister would have me sent to the hospital.

    Plus, those really are not the good ways to go. Starving can take an awfully long time (look how long some people manage to stay on hunger strikes.)

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  3. #43
    Quote Originally Posted by arndog View Post
    Here is Jasper a few days before:
    Thanks Lonecoaster and Lynnifer for your notes. I know I am a newbie at SCI compared to you. My hats off that you can stay positive. Sorry Lonecoaster to break your bubble about temporarily losing it to SCI. I am feeling better. It is the evenings that get me. I think the pain crescendos.

    Imight - that is good about tramadol helping you.

    djk - there is a price to pay with all the meds. The side effects, paradoxical increase in pain, withdrawal to look forward to , downregulation of synaptic opiate receptors, etc.
    Thanks HLH, David, Bonnette , Lameme- I am not giving up - I never was - I just needed to scream out. F*ck SCI and the medical complications, chronic pain that makes one to close to the edge to manage the normal ups and downs of life, and the death of my beautiful friend.
    Hi Arndog,

    My favorite dog of all time was an English Pointer. It was the dog I grew up with in my "formative" years. Her name was Penny (because of her liver-colored spots) and we think she ate the neighbor's rat poison (I never saw a rat in our neighborhood ever) and got jaundice and died. I remember thinking that the vet was lying to us because she was such a good dog and he wanted to keep her for himself! I think I was around 12 or so. I sure cried myself dry that week. Here she has a cameo appearance at timestamp 1:25 to 1:43 in an old 8mm film. It was filmed at my grandparent's house in Gates County, NC.

    I'm the blond haired punk, my older brother has the darker hair and the girl is my younger sister. My brother hanged himself last April (2012) from a tree across the field from the back of my house. I'm still really pissed off at him. I miss him so much. I curse him just about every damn day for leaving me here all alone. He was in perfect health... he just had a stupid argument with his jerk of a boyfriend. I thought after his boyfriend kicked him out that he was coming here to live with me for awhile. I call my spare back room "Ricky's room" because I figured some day he's be moving in. He wasn't the most responsible person in the world but he was so funny and entertaining. But instead, he decided to cut the cord from my steam vac and he hanged himself. We (the police) found him 6 days later. He was hanging all that damn time. Fuck.

    Anyway, I'm on 100mgs of slow release morphine 3Xs a day for a horrific neuro-pain in my right flank area. I'm trying to get the dose increased but don't want to push my doctor for fear of being cut off totally and having to suffer with the added pain and of course the dreaded withdrawals. OxyContin works better but pain doctors fear the DEA so much that they're afraid to prescribe it. During my last pain clinic visit I requested and got some gabapentin (Neurontin) and that seems to work pretty well. It works for awhile, as long as I can keep upping the dose every month by 300mgs a day. But as soon as I hit the max at about 3600mgs a day it stops working. Then I have to lay off of it for a year or so to reset my brain.

    I hope you're able to find something that works for you. It takes awhile to tune into a mixture and dose that works. It never takes all the pain away, just takes the edge off. But at 3:00 in the morning while staring at the TV writhing in pain anything is better than nothing. SCI pain sux.

    Sorry about ol' Jasper. He doesn't look like my Penny... he has a broader snout but maybe it's because he was older and just had a different build. My last 3 dogs have been greyhounds. I'm "dogless" now... I'm getting older and I'm afraid I may be going into the hospital more often and won't be able to care for another dog properly. I live alone. I'm still thinking about getting one though. I love dogs. They don't judge you, they just love you.

    Take care Arndog.

    Last edited by bob clark; 06-11-2013 at 01:56 AM.
    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

  4. #44
    Bob - thanks for your supportive note. Another English Pointer lover - good man. I too cried my eyes dry upon Jasper's death. I am so sorry about your loss of your brother. That video is great. That was another era for sure. Jasper was abnormally huge - the Shaquille O'neal of pointers. Looks like Penny had black spots. We had a german short haired pointer die from eating the neighbors poison too.

    I am still very tired from neuropathic pain and all the effort I have to put into it,


  5. #45
    Sorry to hear about both your tragic experience's, arndog and bob.

    It is good to hear you are well and wanting to work these pains that could easily take control.

  6. #46
    I haven't been around much, sorry about Jasper, Arndog. It hurts to lose a family member. Just losing him has made your pain worse.

    I went six years without any pain meds, trying so hard to use nothing but Gabapentin to deal with all of the pain and burning 24/7. I know you try hard to do with as little as possible, and use keeping busy, your family, and Jasper to keep your spirits up.....and that can help a lot.

    The dark of the night in the early morning hours can be the worst. Mourning for Jasper has been hard on you, emotionally and physically. When you're fighting the kind of pain we have, there isn't much wiggle room left for anything else in our lives. Do what you have to do.....take the meds you need when you need them......I know you will miss your old friend for a long time to come. Only time will help, and maybe the new puppy, if you are so inclined. I hope you feel better soon.....T.

  7. #47
    Sorry for the melt down. I am usually stoical but I lost it with being on the edge from chronic pain coupled with my dog's death. We waited only 2 weeks before getting a new english pointer. There will never in my lifetime be another Jasper. No name yet on the new guy- had him one day. Things are marginally better. Thanks everyone....

  8. #48
    He's adorable!
    MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions

  9. #49
    great new pup! i'm not even a dog person, mean little kittens are my pet flavor, but i got a nice smile/laugh out of that intro video. meanwhile, are you saying your present dr. is a no opiate type or that is what you will look for in a new one??

  10. #50
    Looks like a great little pup there. Take your time on the name. My last couple of pets have had to wait a couple of weeks or longer, lol.

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