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Thread: The last few weeks....

  1. #11
    Senior Member tooley's Avatar
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    KK - money is nice but I know how you feel about it being meaningless. You (all of us) have been through a long-altering tragedy. Turn the page, there are many more chapters to be written.

    Regardless of your focus for the near-future (moving), be mindful of the long-term. Setting a goal to go back to school to be able to contribute back to society would be a good start.

    Most people when put in a position to challenge themselves thrive. Find a way to do this, mentally and physically.

    I had a great psychologist while in rehab. He told me "focus your thoughts and your feelings will follow." Moving one day at a time is important as long as you move in the right direction. Sounds corny but it's true.

    I really like the handcycle suggestion because in my experience it got me through the 2-year mark. Physically it changed me which gave me a renewed outlook on all other aspects of my new life.

  2. #12
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tooley View Post
    Regardless of your focus for the near-future (moving), be mindful of the long-term. Setting a goal to go back to school to be able to contribute back to society would be a good start.
    This exactly. My paralysis was non-traumatic, so no settlement and money probably makes it all better ... so I must work. Even if there had been any kind of settlement, I would have gone to school for a career (probably social work). Build something for the long-term.

    Know other people here understand exactly. ((hugs)) It does get better.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  3. #13
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    kk...I had so much money, I could not spend it fast enough. I had 2 great kids. I had unbelievable job. Was building custom home I designed - at least in that now. This ain't fun now. Not even have damn driver license. I said this before on here. I go up and down with mentality. Probably too drastic changes in too short of time. Really pisses me off. 2 things that seem help. 1 - is my dog. But did NOT get him for support. Love dogs. He somehow knows I am in a wheelchair compared with anyone else. Not sure how he knows that, but sure seems to and treats me WAY different than anyone else. Not that he is bad at all, but just seem to KNOW. 2nd thing that seems helping after 10+ years is reduce my expectations to miniscule improvements. They seem to occur. I think that reduces frustration occurring if setting expectation continually at gigantic steps that take monumental amounts of time to achieve. It is like expectation = result.

  4. #14
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Like rlmtrhmiles said also.

    Not to say lower your expectations, but just divide them up into little chunks that are easier to obtain. One day at a time.

    I feel for you kk ... it's hard to fathom with all the world's technology that treatments aren't here already ... I expected this back in the 70s and 80's and maybe even the 90's ... but I really thought things would be better by 2000.

    They are better I guess ... just not medically. YET.

    I could always give you the advice my mother gave to me at 13 and newly paralyzed with immense maturity beyond my years: "If you talk sad all the time, no one will want to be your friend anymore."

    So I bottled it all up ... and paid for it the hard way. I recently admitted that to a therapist and they were horrified anyone would say that - let alone my own mother. So don't follow that advice, lol.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by lynnifer View Post
    This exactly. My paralysis was non-traumatic, so no settlement and money probably makes it all better ... so I must work. Even if there had been any kind of settlement, I would have gone to school for a career (probably social work). Build something for the long-term.
    Does Canada have anything like Voc Rehab?
    I majored in Psych/Social Work with a minor in Business. I wish you could go back to school, you would love it and enjoy a career in the field.
    Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyways--Mary Kay Ash

  6. #16
    I'm of the Get Busy contingent. Certainly, your life has taken a traumatic turn and we all understand the troubles of that kind of shakeup. When a person is left rootless, it's easy to get depressed.

    Take back your life...maybe not the exact life you had before, but something that can be very good. Plan for your future. What do you want to do for your career, living situation or fun? What sort of contribution can you make to the world? Exploring those questions could keep you busy for quite a while. Then, moving towards those goals will give you direction, purpose and satisfaction.

    Figure out how you can get to your goals. As Lynnifer said, accomplish things in small, manageable increments and celebrate each one.

    Of course, only you know your capabilities in light of your SCI and we all need to operate within the bounds of reality. Don't sell yourself short, though. Read through the threads on this site and see the amazing things that people with SCI accomplish, raising families, traveling the world, running businesses, motivating others, displaying incredible levels of creativity.

    Reinvent yourself and let us know how you're doing.

  7. #17
    Thanks to all of you ..... The major problem for me right now is the fact that I simply dont know what makes me happy. All the stuff I loved to do like riding motorcycles , climbing , basketball , (sounds stupid but also women or simply = love!!)I cant do it anymore. I know there are a lot of things that I can still do even in the chair , but ahhh gosh I dont know how to say it. You know I cant identify myself anymore. When I look into the mirror I dont see me. Just see this damn chair. And Im also afraid of going outside because i feel some kind of shame when Im outside in the chair.When people look at me and stuff like that. Before my accident I dont really care when people looked at me. Now when Im outside I just see the looks of others (they probably dont even look but I think they do ) Sometimes Im asking myself if I bacame crazy or not. I was a confident , good looking (lol) young man before my accident and now I dont see me anymore. Do you know what Im talking about?

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by KK11 View Post
    Thanks to all of you ..... The major problem for me right now is the fact that I simply dont know what makes me happy. All the stuff I loved to do like riding motorcycles , climbing , basketball , (sounds stupid but also women or simply = love!!)I cant do it anymore. I know there are a lot of things that I can still do even in the chair , but ahhh gosh I dont know how to say it. You know I cant identify myself anymore. When I look into the mirror I dont see me. Just see this damn chair. And Im also afraid of going outside because i feel some kind of shame when Im outside in the chair.When people look at me and stuff like that. Before my accident I dont really care when people looked at me. Now when Im outside I just see the looks of others (they probably dont even look but I think they do ) Sometimes Im asking myself if I bacame crazy or not. I was a confident , good looking (lol) young man before my accident and now I dont see me anymore. Do you know what Im talking about?
    Yes, I do.

    A big part of rehab is getting re-programmed (mentally) for your new SCI'd life. This transformation has to occur or you get stuck and wallow which leads to self-destruction. We weren't meant to live this way but since we survived the burden is ultimately on us to figure what to do with what we have left.

    If you're sitting on a wad then I'd find something you're passionate about and immerse yourself in it. If you had nothing then you'd be facing a whole other reality and my not have the choices you have now.

  9. #19
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by november View Post
    Does Canada have anything like Voc Rehab?
    I majored in Psych/Social Work with a minor in Business. I wish you could go back to school, you would love it and enjoy a career in the field.
    Used to ... it was abused so much they abolished it. I remember going to a meeting at age 16 and no one was even close to disabled. It's too bad ... but I'm going to make it my mission to see that spinal cord injuries get free tuition in this country since they can't heal us ... I think it's only fair! Been thinking up letters in my head for the past month .. and how to approach it.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  10. #20
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KK11 View Post
    Thanks to all of you ..... The major problem for me right now is the fact that I simply dont know what makes me happy. All the stuff I loved to do like riding motorcycles , climbing , basketball , (sounds stupid but also women or simply = love!!)I cant do it anymore. I know there are a lot of things that I can still do even in the chair , but ahhh gosh I dont know how to say it. You know I cant identify myself anymore. When I look into the mirror I dont see me. Just see this damn chair. And Im also afraid of going outside because i feel some kind of shame when Im outside in the chair.When people look at me and stuff like that. Before my accident I dont really care when people looked at me. Now when Im outside I just see the looks of others (they probably dont even look but I think they do ) Sometimes Im asking myself if I bacame crazy or not. I was a confident , good looking (lol) young man before my accident and now I dont see me anymore. Do you know what Im talking about?
    This is every new injury. You're not alone. I remember being afraid to go out as well ... I hated the stares. I still do ... but once you accomplish a few goals that you set for yourself, you simply won't care about them anymore. I promise you that.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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