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Thread: do friendships suffer because of chronic pain?

  1. #11
    Lin- thanks for your suggestions. It's nice to hear that you wish your friends hadn't given up on you. She's kind of stubborn and doesn't exactly come out and tell me why we don't hang out so maybe inside she really does appreciate that I'm trying. I've told her that going forward I'm not going to bug her about it again, but that never seems to work lol.

    I've suggested meeting up for just a walk since it'd be inbetween us but maybe that's too much for her. The only time I see her is usually at her kids sporting events. Sadly, that seems to be the only time she's okay with hanging out (maybe its b/c she has to be there anyways but then it's her chance to chat with me)

    She sees a dr for injections and wants to get into an actual pain clinic but due to work and life, she isn't able to, however, I've always been supportive of it and have told her I will bring her if she needs help. I hope your pain gets better as well. I couldn't imagine living each day going through such agonizing pain. I appreciate your input!

    NIKIMAYA--I like your idea of letting her get in contact with me when she's ready and up for it.. However, I have done that with friends before and then I really didn't hear from them much, but this is a little different as this is my best friend.

    It's nice to hear that you're there for your friends when they need it as well. It's not too often that I actually need anything, but as I look back, I guess I can say she/her family has been there for me.

    Well I appreciate the advice and will try some of your ideas out and hope for the best! Thanks again!

  2. #12
    YES.. People can't fathom something they cant see. I'm not trying to explain anymore. Lost a friend I've known since 7th grade, one of my best buddies.
    He even moved to where I live so we could spend more time together. Things change.

  3. #13
    some of us with chronic pain end up with no real friends

    read this some interesting input from folks


  4. #14
    Senior Member chris-k's Avatar
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    Apr 2013
    Scotch Plains, NJ
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Lin View Post
    It definitely affects friendships, and even more so when people don't try to understand.

    I have to turn down a lot of things due to pain and fatigue, or being sick, and many people give up on trying. I've also had difficulty trying to make friendships with people due to not being able to hang out on a regular basis.
    Yup, with chronic pain and complications with AD and my bowel & bladder routine I tend to miss or need to cancel events. I try to manage the best that I can, but sometimes I just need to be at home, recovering in bed.

    My family mostly gets it (not all the time however). My long time friends generally understand too, but I feel bad about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by NikkiMaya View Post
    They understand that it is hard for me to schedule get togethers and that I might have to cancel at the last minute.
    Yeah, that is so familiar. I think the need to cancel at the last minute is really difficult for friends to understand. A good friend understands, if they don't understand our friendship tends to wither away. But even AB folks lose friends and make new ones. That's just life.

  5. #15
    Sometimes people need their alone time.. especially with pain. Maybe she struggles getting this time with the family and all. Maybe she just wants to be alone. This could be depression related. Sometimes i just want to drive to the edge of earth and just BE... its hard but dont take it personally. life is tough we all know this

  6. #16
    Maybe she feels pressured. Her life has changed with a husband and kids and health issues and you want your old best friends forever hanging out all the time deal back. Let her call you when she wants to get together. Pursue some other interests because you sound a little obsessed by this.

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