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Thread: Why do some of some of the dumbest people chose

  1. #11
    I just realized that it was me who wrote the last post here in February. Now I need to vent again and maybe get some help how to deal with a situation from last night.
    The caregiver who gets me into bed oftentimes brings a smell of not well aired clothes. I had pointed that out in a nice way several times. The smell is so unpleasant because it stays in my room for at least half an hour, not to speak of the contact during transfer. Last night it was very bad again, and I said, that his sweater smells like it had not dried properly. His response got very mean: that my urine (I have a catheter and a leg and night bag) stinks and he had to endure that and my home smells bad and I wouldn't even realize any more in what a stinking place I lived.
    It particularly hurt because I really try hard to keep the place nice and myself clean - like I always have flowers, clean up, open the doors to the patio, empty my legbag very carefully into the toilett, use deodorant etc. and to my usually sensitice nose and to others I ask it smells good in here.
    The reason I put my question into this thread is, that the guy is not very psychologicly balanced. He is over 40 and still lives in his parents' house, and he told me that his father is emotionally abusive to the point where he would literally spit on his children. One of his brothers had comitted suicide a few years ago. But he himself has no desire to move out of there.
    I know I shouldn't be upset, but being handicapped with no controll over bladder and bowels I am sensitive towards such statements; of course it's no fun to be helped with the procedure around the catheter.
    Complaining to his boss wouldn't help: he always sides with his employees; and changing agencies is not easy, because most of the other caregivers I now have are very nice, and we developed a good routine over the years. It would take monthes to get to this point with a new agency.
    Any help would be appreciated to get this stupid issue out of my head!

  2. #12
    That sounds like a really unpleasant experience. The caregiver lashed back, and that was out of line.

    Is there any way you could ask to replace this one caregiver?

    Honestly, I hate working with caregivers, and wish I had better advice to offer.

  3. #13
    thanks for understanding. It is a very small agency, no chance to replace him. My plan now is to de-escalade, hope to stay in controll in about an hour when he will be here.

  4. #14
    Regine, is it normal for agencies there to send male caregivers for personal care? That would make me profoundly uncomfortable, even if they were nice.

  5. #15
    This does not sound like a safe situation. His comments can be considered abusive and suggest you make plans to replace him soon.

  6. #16
    In the morning they send women only, but at night they have only men (for THEIR safety), but it's o.k. because they just help me into bed, no too personal contact. With this particular guy I managed to deescalate. I think he himself gets abused and it's sad enough he doesn't remove himself from that situation at home. He seems quite insane, can't look you in the eyes and tells stories he would compose like Bach and symphonies like Schubert or Bruckner. Me as a musicologist he can't fool. I use humor for defense: put a little umbrella from an old doll over my bed, meaning to protect myself from his verbal spitting. Don't know if he even got the joke. And I ask him about his "symphonies" and it always comes to the point when it's clear he imitates a single melody on his keybord. But why do these people choose that profession??

  7. #17
    Maybe this will answer your question about some care givers....

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    Good luck.
    ''Life's tough... it's even tougher if you're stupid!'' -- John Wayne

  8. #18
    Moderator jody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    east o the southern warren
    oh ms regine, this person sounds unbalanced. if only you could just tell the person in charge you simply feel unsafe with him. he has a temper. they should send someone else.

    I know if I don't take my clothes out of the washer right away, in the summer months, they get into the dryer, and you don't smell the mildew smell until you wear them for a few minutes. I hate that because you don't always smell it until you are wearing it. then you have to use bleach to get the smell out of the washer. It sounds like he leaves his clothes in the washer too long and they get that nasty smell.

    you probably don't smell. He probably just said that to lash out at you.

    I guess if you can't get him to understand and you cant get another person, you can put some febreeze near you and spray it as soon as he goes so his smell doesn't linger so long. you can spray it just before he comes over too so his smell doesn't permeate the whole room. I like the fresh linen smell the best because it isn't too perfumed.

  9. #19
    Moderator jody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    east o the southern warren
    one more thing, Is I used to care for a lady. we are still friends, for twenty years, and long after I was injured.
    I would have had no trouble at all politely telling her something smelled and could I help her with it. I wouldn't have left her with anything smelling because she was such a clean person.

    her bag did sometimes need to be rinsed out with a bleach solution, but usually it was just replaced if it got too stinky.

    after I was injured I had to use a foley for months, and I would just wash the bags out with a little bleach and a drop of dish liquid. they didn't smell unless I got a urinary infection or they were old.

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