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Thread: dipstick friends

  1. #1

    dipstick friends

    Changed my name, serious privacy issues with old name think you all know who I am.

    OK I get who and what I am, have become virtually a recluse due to both the SCI and CP on top of being seriously challenged with interpersonal skills.

    So we're going out to dinner with friends, been through a lot with them including my going out of my way as a crip gimp doing extremely painful things cause they're friends. too long to list but for me ...really a lot including the only friend that showed up at a brothers funeral cause the weather sucked big time. handhold a heart attack blah blah

    the wife calls me and says when dave ask about you say you're doing well. He says you bring him down. wtf always happy to call when he wants something.

    I just don't fucking get it. same with my family. see no one anymore.
    I never really "got" friendship etc reason I did so well working in my old intel work, no ability to attach.

    I know this is a rant but with maybe 2 friends to hear this really blows my mind. I can't "attach" but understand respect, giri (Japanese a combo of honor duty responsibility respect but more complex) and act accordingly

    And these "feel goods" are fair weathers

    I feel let down, angry, and maybe a bit sorry for myself that this is where I've ended up. but geez too many folks seem to think an SCI and CP are sort of like a cold, get well OR well by now you must be "used to" the pain. wtf???

    fuck my life

    ket

    all that I am is all gone, I ain't nothin but a dream

  2. #2
    Senior Member IsMaisin's Avatar
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    Friends help you move.

    Real friends help you move bodies.

    Truly special friends make the bodies for you then help move them.
    Played with bombs- No SCI, Brain Damage enough that I require a chair and a caregiver.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Tall Paul's Avatar
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    I once had friends, now I have a cat. Life would be better with both. At least you have a wife, I'm sure she does more than cook you dinner. IsMaisin is right about friends, maybe she could also be your friend... just a thought.
    Just another tricky day. C5/6 incomplete, 43 years out.

    You'll get through.

  4. #4
    I'm sorry that you are going through a rough time with friends. I'm sure they are looking to escape their own problems and enjoy a little fun and socialization. AB's want to be comfortable around us but they can't relate to our SCI issues and don't want to hear about them after a while. I can relate to that because I don't want to hear about their ongoing marital problems that they won't address. You can only take hearing about negativity for so long before you just seperate yourself from it. I don't want to discount what your going through at all because I know that it's a lot. I am thankful for this forum to share and relate with others who know what we deal with. I do not share SCI stuff with my friends unless they want to know something and they are trying to relate for their own reasons. Otherwise I just keep it at normal friend activities, dinner, drinks, biking, camping, or whatever adventure we get ourselves in to. Hope you find some resolve soon. We all need social interaction at one point or another.
    DFW TEXAS- T-10 since March 20th, 1994

  5. #5
    Senior Member chris-k's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by offroaderswife View Post
    I am thankful for this forum to share and relate with others who know what we deal with. I do not share SCI stuff with my friends unless they want to know something and they are trying to relate for their own reasons. Otherwise I just keep it at normal friend activities, dinner, drinks, biking, camping, or whatever adventure we get ourselves in to. Hope you find some resolve soon. We all need social interaction at one point or another.
    Ditto. Years ago a friend (we are still good friends) told me "we know your life is different and tough, but we all have our problems. Listening to you constantly bitch about your life sucks." So like offroaderswife, nowadays our discussions are about our shared friends and interests. And beer! We both like beer!

  6. #6
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    After my mother died and the David (ex) thing occurred, I really pulled away.

    I prefer it this way. Never let down because there are no expectations. I keep things light-hearted with no commitments. Sure I have friends and ones that I even like (lol), but I wouldn't depend on them ever.

    People are out for themselves.

    When they say things like they are saying to you, I have to ignore it. They have NO CLUE what you go through .. and good for them for not. Just smile and keep your head up and deal with what you have to. That's how I roll.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  7. #7
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    my close friends and family are here. I don't know how my phone buddies can stand me. I guess it's a labor of love.

    Iv been whining about this and that, man, Im not going to get any kind of break ether. If I find a way out, it's goint to be a long hard road.

    Im so glad you are all here for me.

    The guy is your real life friend, but he isnt going to get it like some of your imaginary(care cure) friend might. cut him a break. In his quiet hours he may see his ignorance.

    My friend died. I knew her from the phone and care cure. Im just as devistated as any friend who's friend died can be.
    some of us are real friends. we get it. You can say whatever you need to say, but next time the ab friend ask how you are, maybe you should do what I do. as hard as it is, I answer fine. its a nice day.

  8. #8
    Senior Member IsMaisin's Avatar
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    I find it hard to maintain the contact necessary to keep up a friendship over a distance over years. The few that I have been successful at are mostly family and they understand that I withdraw during multi-month depressive episodes.

    But there are a handful of people who are that whenever we do talk all the missing years just disappear when we meet. Those friends are all people that I would go help or send money to without hesitation.

    I never made a lot of close friends in the service, and the few that I got along with really well fall into the "If you are nearby, lets go grab a beer" category. I was uncomfortable really opening up about my personal life at work, I didn't want the carryover of personal and work relationships especially if there can be a perception of favoritism. Most of the people I went to the field with were close at the time, but their was often a huge rank imbalance.

    I also tend to compartmentalize. Workmates from churchgoers from family from special interest buddies. Sometimes because they have nothing in common, but often because they would actively dislike each other.

    True friends are perhaps life's greatest treasure.

    I am very lucky that one of my best friends (and former roommate at a time when we were both very poor) has moved into my neighborhood last year. Now that I have a chair, I can finally make it over to see him instead of him always visiting me.
    Played with bombs- No SCI, Brain Damage enough that I require a chair and a caregiver.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Foolish Old's Avatar
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    Everybody carries a load and no one knows its true weight but the bearer. Friends want to help. They want to make things better. They want to make things right. If things don't get better, and the problems are the thing they associate with you, then the contact reminds them that the world has problems they can't fix. That makes them feel vulnerable, weak and sad. Why would they choose more of that kind of friendship? It's tough enough keeping your own pychic ship afloat.

    "That's a strange way to tell me you love me, when your sorry is all I can see. If you just want to cry to somebody, don't cry to me."
    Foolish

    "We have met the enemy and he is us."-POGO.

    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."~Edgar Allan Poe

    "Dream big, you might never wake up!"- Snoop Dogg

  10. #10
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foolish Old View Post
    Everybody carries a load and no one knows its true weight but the bearer.
    Or, as the underrated philosopher who penned Bob Clark's signature put it......

    "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

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