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Thread: Need advice re adult daughter T9 complete

  1. #11
    I would be a little worried about her moving from your family home with the depression not yet dealt with. Did the mental health facility do an assessment? If so, they may have concluded she would not be able to benefit from talk therapy without concurrent medication. Did your daughter refuse meds? Is there a nearby Independent Living Center where she could access peer counseling?

  2. #12
    Why not have her read/post on CC. At 24 years old (or any age really), I would be horrified to live like that.
    Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyways--Mary Kay Ash

  3. #13
    I was justin the hospital w/ 2nd degree burns on 20% of my body. Bowels out of control. Shit on bathroom floor. Cleaned it up before I left the room. I can't conceive this level of depression.

  4. #14
    Senior Member djrolling's Avatar
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    Mar 2005
    Salisbury NC
    I would also have to guess depression figures in and I have to wonder if she thinks this is just her plight in life. Maybe her time as a CNA also feeds into this maybe she took care of people that did not have this all worked out yet maybe she did not realize that this type of thing is not the norm. Has anyone ever asked her how she planned to get a handle on her Bowel and Bladder post SCI? How much if any training did she get? What meds if any does she take in relation to her bladder? Does she have a Bowel program at all? it does not sound like she does. I hate my Bowel program and would love not to have to do it and after twenty years plus still dread BP time but there is no way I would want the alternative. The quality of life properly managed bowel and bladder brings is so much better than what she has now. I think you will have to be more aggressive...You will have to go in there very often to keep it clean, I would not want that sort of thing to build up if I ultimately would end up having to clean it up and when she says she is taking care of it tell her if she was you would not be in there. Tell her you will support her but she has to find a routine that keeps accidents to few and far between and not dealing with it or trying to ignore it is not an option for you and cannot be for her either. If she has a program it is clearly not working. Even with training finding the program Bowel and bladder wise that works for you is a journey and either she never started the journey or she gave up on it before reaching the destination but maybe you can use her desire to move to get her back on track. Maybe if she will start trying to find what works and you help he out when the accidents do happen maybe she can overcome this, well I know she can, I am just trying to figure out a way to get her to where she will. My wife is a CNA/Medication Aide and I do not let her help me if I do have an accident and any clothing involved is cleaned out completely no feces left for someone else to deal with. She may need help getting to this point but I believe she can.

  5. #15
    Moderator jody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    east o the southern warren
    what if she were to come visit here?
    could this post be hidden so she would not be embarrassed?

    has she had any contact with others with sci?

    is she against taking a mild antidepressant that might help too with neuro pain, like amatryptaline (elevil) or cymbalta?

    also has she tried any bladder meds or botox?

    she might even consider getting a colostomy. That sounds drastic and terrible, but here it seems to be a good alternative to bowel and bladder care. there are lots of people here who say, it gave them freedom, and they are happy they did it.

    I don't think anyone would know it was her at all, and like I said, maybe this post can be removed so she will not be upset.

    for me, I just read information at first without joining. Im sure this place has made last ten years better.

    I learned about probiotics, and what to eat and not to eat to have more success with bowel and bladder care..........she could really use some contact with others who figured out how not to poo and pee themselves.

    have you considered a mattress you can hose off? I sleep on an air mattress, with an egg crate topper and, a hospital fleece cover. those things are easy to replace, and hose off and bleach. for a regular mattress, get the more expensive cloth like cover that covers the whole mattress, and zips closed.

    easy to wipe off and bleach.

    I was wondering if you had a top or front loading washer.
    maybe she did not see the turds if it was a top loading machine.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Scorpion's Avatar
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    Jul 2001
    Los Angeles
    Quote Originally Posted by smashms View Post
    is she withdrawn? any depression symptoms? does she do anything outside the home for fun? if not it sounds like she may be depressed possibly, maybe trying to get her a counselor to talk to may help.
    I think it's pretty clear that these are depression symptoms. I agree, a counselor, psychologist, or a psychiatrist (fo meds for depression) is in order.

    Visiting/reading CC might be a helpful start, though. Hopefully she can be convinced to get help. :/

  7. #17
    Senior Member bigtop1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Greater metropolitan Detroit area
    I am very grateful in finding this site. It has educated me many times in realizing that my problems are not strictly mine and, that others have been faced with these same problems. No question that this is a form of depression, even leaning toward mental illness. Seek professional help for sure.
    I refuse to tip toe through life, only to arrive safely at death.

  8. #18
    Senior Member NikkiMaya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Southern Maine
    AZ Mom, I'm really sorry that you, your daughter and your family are dealing with this situation. As others here have said, this has all of the hallmarks of severe depression. None of us is qualified to diagnose/treat your daughter, which is why she needs to be seen by a professional like a licensed clinical social worker, psychologist, and/or psychiatrist. If depression is what is going on, and your daughter wants to participate in appropriate treatment, then there is a lot of hope to resolve this problem.

    I can relate in some ways to what you are going through. I have a younger brother who is depressed and addicted to marijuana and alcohol. His room looks like something out of the show Hoarders. There are dirty clothes everywhere, empty beer bottles and beer boxes stacked to the ceiling. The worst part is that he leaves rotting food out on plates and in fast food containers. We have had a bug infestation before because of the lack of cleanliness. When I go within fifteen feet of the door, it smells terrible and I want to gag.

    My brother is completely able bodied, mid 20s and completes a part time job every night. Even though he is depressed, I feel there is no excuse for him to live in these conditions, create a fire hazard in our home, and bring vermin in. I have asked him to clean before, but can't enforce it. It is my parent's home and they have a totally lax attitude about it. They think it is gross, but want to be friends with my brother and not parents. It is really sad.

    If you are dealing with an adult, and they are living in your home, you have to decide which way to handle the situation. If they are not responding to being asked nicely, then perhaps you could mandate mental health treatment or else they need to move out (if they are physically capable of living on their own)? That might seem harsh, but some people are so depressed or unmotivated that they will not get help unless pushed to do so by an ultimatum. This is not the best way for every family, and you will know the best plan for you, but my parent's attitude of do whatever you want and sit around in a mountain of garbage until your depression magically goes away, doesn't seem to be a good plan either.
    In our world constituted of differences of all kinds, it is not the disabled, but society at large that needs special become a genuine society for all. -Frederic Major, Former UNESCO Director General

  9. #19
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    I see a spammer must have brought up this old post .. I wonder how she is fairing today?
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  10. #20
    I still have to clean myself and worry about toilets after 10 years. I also have a tough mental health problem because of this disease. People need to understand how not good this type of injury is. I look normal and can walk and do all my own care.
    The mental side is worse than the pain sometimes.
    This is the best place for advice if you have questions.
    The people on here can relate. I sure can
    There are always answers.
    Try and get her a pet or something that she can get comfort from that seems to help a lot. For me anyways.

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