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Thread: It's so hard, what keeps you going

  1. #21
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    his name was pedaro. He was sold at auction very likely because of a bone chip. I was bidding only against killer buyers, and they let me have him. one saw how desperate I was to save him and told the other to stop bidding.

    He went to a girl in 4H after he was gelded and the bone chip removed. I still feel good about that one and only win in a class A national show. I think pedaro was glad to have a second chance at life.

    I still have a dream. if My surgery works out. Im taking riding lessons just to smell horses again. Its something to look forward to for now, even if it is a silly notion.
    the challenge is going to be finding a place who would give someone like me a chance to try.
    I may never stop hurting enough to actually do it, but im going to look forward to the Idea of it.

    sorry forest.
    we're dropping like flies.

  2. #22
    Senior Member willingtocope's Avatar
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    "pedaro"...there you go. Maybe he's the reason you're made it thru that far. His chance...his joy...his life. Fair trade? Who knows. But you're not done yet. There's more for you to do...

  3. #23
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    ket too.

    so the short answer is find something that gives you some kind of joy. and accomplishment, give yourself some things to look forward to. some small things, and one or two bigger things.

  4. #24
    Wow , Jody very nice !
    I think what keeps me alive , are my two boys . Although they are grown , I know I can still teach , help them . I just can not give up on them , the Pain is never ending , but what will tommorro bring ? I have faith in Wise , although I know it is a long time comming yet . I tried twice to end it , came very close , but you know what , then my X-Wife would have her way , so I live another day .

  5. #25
    life to me,
    is a fickle game of dice with lady luck holding and continuously rolling the dice if your number is up no second guesses no second chances we live or die as a result of the throw of dice, i am going to risk the odds that a neurologist/neuro-surgeon who had to first research the surgery will either kill me or make possible the next surgery and the next.

  6. #26
    Senior Member IsMaisin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by all-buggered-up View Post
    life to me,
    is a fickle game of dice with lady luck holding and continuously rolling the dice if your number is up no second guesses no second chances we live or die as a result of the throw of dice, i am going to risk the odds that a neurologist/neuro-surgeon who had to first research the surgery will either kill me or make possible the next surgery and the next.
    They call you lady luck
    But there is room for doubt
    At times you have a very un-lady-like way
    Of running out

    Your on this date with me
    The pickins have been lush
    And yet before the evening is over
    You might give me the brush

    You might forget your manners
    You might refuse to stay
    And so the best that I can do is pray

    Luck be a lady tonight
    Luck be a lady tonight
    Luck if youve been a lady to begin with
    Luck be a lady tonight

    Luck let a gentleman see
    Just how nice a dame you can be
    I know the way youve treated other guys youve been with
    Luck be a lady with me

    A lady never leaves her escort
    It isn't fair, it isn't nice
    A lady doesnt't't wander all over the room
    And blow on some other guys dice

    Lets keep this party polite
    Never get out of my sight
    Stick with me baby, Im the guy that you came in with
    Luck be a lady tonight

    A lady never flirts with strangers
    Shed have a heart, she'd be nice
    A lady doesnt't't wander all over the room
    And blow on some other guys dice

    Lets keep this party polite
    Never get out of my sight
    Stick with me baby, Im the guy that you came in with
    Luck be a lady tonight
    Played with bombs- No SCI, Brain Damage enough that I require a chair and a caregiver.

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by jody View Post
    his name was pedaro. He was sold at auction very likely because of a bone chip. I was bidding only against killer buyers, and they let me have him. one saw how desperate I was to save him and told the other to stop bidding.

    He went to a girl in 4H after he was gelded and the bone chip removed. I still feel good about that one and only win in a class A national show. I think pedaro was glad to have a second chance at life.

    I still have a dream. if My surgery works out. Im taking riding lessons just to smell horses again. Its something to look forward to for now, even if it is a silly notion.
    the challenge is going to be finding a place who would give someone like me a chance to try.
    I may never stop hurting enough to actually do it, but im going to look forward to the Idea of it.

    sorry forest.
    we're dropping like flies.
    I met a nurse last week that has a horse that kneels. She bought him for her disabled daughter, who has since died. I got SO EXCITED! Then I realized I was in the hospital for burns on all the areas that used to get saddle sore. That let the air out of THAT balloon!

    Right now an overweight dog keeps me going. Plus unchecked items on my bucket list. Also I'd like to spend all my money (that won't take long.)

    I still have friends, but I'm sure tired of them dying. I'm tired of my family dying too but that problem eradicated itself.

    I won't kill myself b/c the Catholics might be right. If I go to hell for suicide and never get to see Jake again, then what? You can't suicide twice, I assume. So I guess I'll keep on keeping on. It's a damn shame we don't have free access to IV dilaudid. That shit makes going to the hospital worth the trip. Hopefully med marijuana will live up to expectations.

  8. #28
    And pls, no religious arguments here. I believe b/c I HAVE to. If eternity is forever never seeing that kid again, fuck it all. He is what kept me going. Now it is the knowledge that he would have wanted me to be happy, and the prayer that our spirits will meet up again some day. I'm living for a dead kid, I guess. Whatever. He'd have done the same for me.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Cowboys_Place's Avatar
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    What kept me going used to be doing things with my friends who never call anymore. Then it was my girlfriend who put a spark back in my life until I found out yesterday she's been sleeping with someone else. .

    The last thing keeping me going is my dear sweet mother who is aging quickly before my eyes. . When she's gone which I hope isn't for a while I don't think I'll have anything left worth living for. .

    I've thought about suicide on many occasions but the thought of spending eternity in hell has so far kept me from attempting it.. Thankfully I have my SCI brothers and sisters on here to talk to and keep me going when times get tough.

    Sometimes I wonder what I did that was so wrong to deserve a life like this..
    Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. .(John Wayne)

  10. #30
    Senior Member willingtocope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cowboys_Place View Post
    Sometimes I wonder what I did that was so wrong to deserve a life like this..
    Wrong question. The right question is what good will come, if not for you, then someone else. Surely, there has been someone whose life is better because you were part of it. Maybe it hasn't happened yet, but maybe it has or maybe it will. Life balances out.

    And...for both you and betheny...there is no heaven and there is no hell. There's only what comes next. I don't pretend to know what that is, but I'll wait my turn to find out...and hope that the good I leave behind somehow influences what I have to deal with there.

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