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Thread: It's so hard, what keeps you going

  1. #1

    It's so hard, what keeps you going

    Struggle is an understatement. I know we are all challenged, but I feel, no, know how quickly I am losing ground right now.

    Can't keep up, don't know how to quit.

    There is no activity that does not have exquisite agony as a part of it anymore often lasting days past the brief interlude of distraction.

    So many of you are so upbeat I am almost embarrassed to write this, but who else could begin to understand.

    Committed to 6 more months of the struggle to get my doc to fight fro Prialt and am on it, but it is so hard, so hard. I am weary.

    I meditate, I so try to see everything beautiful around me, but I can't keep this up.

    How do you keep going? you've always shared my darkest hours and been kind, supportive. I am lost, I am gone, there is no light left in my soul.

    Last edited by bollefen; 04-13-2013 at 11:15 AM. Reason: I type like shit

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  2. #2
    I have a daughter that keeps me going without her not sure I could do it either

  3. #3
    Senior Member willingtocope's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Pleasant Hill Iowa
    One day at a time. Say thanks to whatever god you beleive in for each little victory. Say damn it...its not going to stop me for each little set back.

    Accept the fact that you're not the only patient your doctor(s) have to deal with, and make the most of the time they give you.

    This is not how we expected or lives to be, but we have to play the hand we were dealt. Find a way to make some good in the world because you're part of it...

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by allenstevens View Post
    I have a daughter that keeps me going without her not sure I could do it either
    Same here. She is nine years old now and that keeps me focused on doing what's right for her.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Cowboys_Place's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Northern California
    bollefen, I so understand what you mean about the constant misery! As for what keeps me and maybe the rest of our SCI brothers and sisters going is what's already been mentioned. . FAMILY and FRIENDS

    Yes there's always the hope that I'll open my eyes one morning and they'll be news that they've found something to help with the nerve pain we all suffer from. So basically it's LOVE and HOPE that keeps me going.
    Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. .(John Wayne)

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Bollefen - I know where you're coming from...some days or really, for longer stretches, you feel miserable & want an escape. Then you immediately realize there is no escaping the pain & altered life of being a person with a spinal cord injury.
    C4/5 incomplete, 17 years since injury

    "The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” - Carlos Castaneda

    "We live not alone but chained to a creature of a different kingdom: our body." - Marcel Proust

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    So. California
    My heart breaks for all of you that suffer from nerve pain. My son is in constant discomfort, BUT NOTHING like what you are dealing with. It's damn hard to believe that we can't come up with some little pill to help you and others with this shit nerve pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you, bollefen, and others in the hopes that you get some relief.

  8. #8
    Senior Member IsMaisin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Just outside Fort Bragg, NC USA
    Day to day, my wife keeps me going. Minute to minute, it's often my dogs. I get over a lot of impulses while holding my dog.
    Played with bombs- No SCI, Brain Damage enough that I require a chair and a caregiver.

  9. #9
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Baltimore, MD
    Nothing. I just know that every day is one day closer to death and relief from torture. Of course, I have no idea how much worse I'll get before that happens.

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  10. #10
    Senior Member DaleB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Tidewater, VA
    This might sound absurd, or worse, but when my back is against the wall, emotionally, and I've run my play book and gotten no where, here's what I try to remember to do, on account of it helping a lot, in the past.

    I force myself to laugh. Totally fake, almost angry laughter at first. But you know what? After quite a short while it becomes so ridiculous feeling it turns into genuine laughter. If I'm lucky enough to keep it going, it evolves into raucous chuckling and then into crying.

    Then, I feel much better.

    I don't know.


    He who hears not me but the Logos will say: All is one.

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