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Thread: For just one night's sleep

  1. #1

    For just one night's sleep

    so weary, i know if i ever sleep and wake up in less than agony I have died.

    There is nothing left for SCI to strip from me.

    IT pump seems to be acting up,it vibrates. Don't think i have the strength for another surgery.

    Legs on fire, nerves dancing, niplles to navel electric shocks. in a few hours my wife will ask me how i slept, i'll smile and say fine, she'll look in my eyes and hers will wash over with sadness and pity.

    All that i am is all gone, so much ihoped for unrealized, the peace and rest i once hoped to find, no longer even a dream.
    Last edited by bollefen; 03-16-2013 at 05:02 AM. Reason: i type like shit and haven't slept for a week
    Kindly,

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  2. #2
    ket. i don't sleep either. i don't hae a spouse, but my son looked at me the other day and said, quit dying on me. he has nobody else. but, i can't tell him the pain will go. we know it won't. i dunno how to protect those we love. i think it is to tell the truth and just ask for a hug. what do you think?

  3. #3
    Ket,
    Don’t post often but know your pain is truly awful. So just wanted to say so sorry you are going through this...............not much else to say really, just offering a little understanding as sleep often evades me even when i am exhausted by pain. Hope you get some sleep soon.

  4. #4
    your in my prayers---please stay strong.

  5. #5

    disagree

    Quote Originally Posted by cass View Post
    ket. i don't sleep either. i don't hae a spouse, but my son looked at me the other day and said, quit dying on me. he has nobody else. but, i can't tell him the pain will go. we know it won't. i dunno how to protect those we love. i think it is to tell the truth and just ask for a hug. what do you think?
    Getting tiredd of being nice, fuck em all, haven't seen shit of my kids brothers etc i'm too much trouble, to hard to deal with, but they remember my number when they have some triffling inconvenience they think is life threatening.

    A family memberceith some health issues, when i discussed suicide asked me to wait til theyvdied cause they'd feel bad. WTF i live in agony and they are painless with tremors.

    Wat a fucking joke.

    Sorry, i'm just done with all of this stuff anymore.

    Cass I hope i have not offended you, you live my life, but i'm tired of my life to make others comfortablr. fuck 'em

    Obviously i,m having a bad day, but it,s been so long i dont even renember otherwise

    P.S. love you ...strength and courage!

    ket

    ket
    Kindly,

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by bollefen View Post
    Getting tiredd of being nice, fuck em all, haven't seen shit of my kids brothers etc i'm too much trouble, to hard to deal with, but they remember my number when they have some triffling inconvenience they think is life threatening.

    A family memberceith some health issues, when i discussed suicide asked me to wait til theyvdied cause they'd feel bad. WTF i live in agony and they are painless with tremors.

    Wat a fucking joke.

    Sorry, i'm just done with all of this stuff anymore.

    Cass I hope i have not offended you, you live my life, but i'm tired of my life to make others comfortablr. fuck 'em

    Obviously i,m having a bad day, but it,s been so long i dont even renember otherwise

    P.S. love you ...strength and courage!

    ket

    ket
    Have you tried 100-150mg of amitriptyline to sleep? I take 100mg and knock me out and I sleep thru the night. When I wake up I'm so pissed because I'm still in agonizing pain.

  7. #7
    man, sleep is so critical for chronic pain management. We need a respite from the agony.
    I assume you have tried everything. I worry about the Michael Jackson thing, taking so much that you wake up dead. And he could afford a respiratory therapist to aid his breathing where most of us don't have an attendant.

  8. #8

    yes

    Quote Originally Posted by jbridges9 View Post
    Have you tried 100-150mg of amitriptyline to sleep? I take 100mg and knock me out and I sleep thru the night. When I wake up I'm so pissed because I'm still in agonizing pain.
    and a million (exageration, but EVERYTHING) with no success.
    Kindly,

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  9. #9

    the michael jackson thing

    Quote Originally Posted by arndog View Post
    man, sleep is so critical for chronic pain management. We need a respite from the agony.
    I assume you have tried everything. I worry about the Michael Jackson thing, taking so much that you wake up dead. And he could afford a respiratory therapist to aid his breathing where most of us don't have an attendant.
    Funny about a month ago my wife was out for the evening, came home and I was asleep, soundly, the bed not torn apart, valium and alcohol on the nightstand a daily thing, (sorry this is the only sleep combothat even begins to help and I won't scare/share the dosages, but gets me a solid 2-3 hours a day).

    She thoght I MJ'd, said she had a tear, was frightened, calle me and I was unresponsive, came over and put her hand on me noticed I was warm and breathing, caught herself, I woke a bit later and she told me. Said she hadn't seen me sleep in years, or not seen the bed trashed as I thrashed.

    Anyway it is a concern of mine as well but after 3 nights of maybe an hour total, drugged unconciousnness sleep is better than none.

    ket
    Kindly,

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

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