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Thread: Shit people say to the disabled

  1. #71
    Yup, I'm with Stephen on this one; he's saved my typing out something of an unkind rebuke...
    Last edited by MarkB701; 03-04-2013 at 12:04 PM. Reason: spelling

  2. #72
    Senior Member Foolish Old's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Florida Keys
    Usually the dumb shit that people say regarding disability rolls right off my back. I'm not exactly David Niven (look it up if you're too young to know) when it comes to the social graces. I make my share of faux pas and cut others slack for their peccadilloes.

    However, I feel no compassion for the determined boor who plows ahead after decreasingly subtle cues to desist. Nor do I spare those who are purposely insensitive.

    The only real wounds come from the innocents who provide insight into the attitudes that many ABs hold regarding those with disabilities. Obama attempting self-derisive humor by describing his bowling skills as being "like the Special Olympics" would be an example. A recent comment by a dear friend caught me off guard and was hard to shake. She was telling me about the rapid descent into death of an older mutual friend when she opined that "it's for the best, he would have been in a wheelchair for the rest of his life." She was shocked when other friends told her it wasn't a good thing to say to me. Her logic was that she didn't think of me as a person with a disability. Makes you think that for her disability means a life void of anything positive. No, she didn't offend me or make me angry. But I do admit to feeling troubled by her comment. She remains one of my dearest friends.

    "We have met the enemy and he is us."-POGO.

    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."~Edgar Allan Poe

    "Dream big, you might never wake up!"- Snoop Dogg

  3. #73
    Quote Originally Posted by Foolish Old View Post
    A recent comment by a dear friend caught me off guard and was hard to shake. She was telling me about the rapid descent into death of an older mutual friend when she opined that "it's for the best, he would have been in a wheelchair for the rest of his life." She was shocked when other friends told her it wasn't a good thing to say to me. Her logic was that she didn't think of me as a person with a disability. Makes you think that for her disability means a life void of anything positive. No, she didn't offend me or make me angry. But I do admit to feeling troubled by her comment. She remains one of my dearest friends.
    I'm reminded of a time I went to a good friend's apartment for the first time to help her with a graduate school project. We entered her office and without uttering a word she brought over a roll of brown paper from the corner of the room -- was it waiting there for me? -- and began to lay down strips of it over the rug so that my tires wouldn't dirty it. I handled this calmly making a concerted effort not to embarrass her. It was weirdly insensitive but not malign. She didn't intend to insult me. She would be horrified if she knew it was an offensive thing to do. It was one of those moments (and they don't happen that infrequently) when I said to myself, "That's a first."

  4. #74
    Quote Originally Posted by IsMaisin View Post
    Yeah, its all in your head, you are faking, just get over it, you don't have a problem, get out of here and go do your job you malingerer.
    I had completed a master's degree in counseling and had begun a doctoral program in counseling psychology but was undecided about continuing with it. I started to see a psychologist (a provider on my insurance plan) to explore my concerns. I had only seen him a handful of times when he made remarks about my "phobia" concerning work and that I was "malingering." The profound obtuseness of his analysis aside, using professional jargon to a counseling client, even one sort of in the biz, is HIGHLY unprofessional and an immediate rapport killer. This on the heels of a shrink I had seen decades earlier who in the middle of a session declared, "You know, you're not the only one with problems." Moments later she revealed that her island home in the Caribbean had just been damaged by a hurricane, so it was hard not to sympathize. Boo-fucking-hoo!

    Psychologists. Be afraid, be very afraid.

  5. #75
    Quote Originally Posted by stephen212 View Post
    I'm largely immune to people's questions and comments, not all of which I necessarily find offensive or off-putting. If you get upset by these things -- and, sorry, there is choice in the matter -- you're going to be in for a very long and bumpy ride. People are people and that includes us. Shit is dripping out of peoples' mouths constantly. When are you/we going to stop paying such close attention? When are you/we going to decide not to be anticipating and ready to pounce at the next perceived insult? It's not healthy to be a half-picked scab ready to be peeled raw again by someone's less-than-enlightened or flat-out idiotic remark. Besides, are we all SO sensitive to and SO informed about other peoples' suffering? Hey, not to go full-on Buddhist here, but cultivating self-compassion (first) and then compassion for those we deem benighted helps ease the suffering (ours first, then theirs). Suffering is a psychological add-on to genuine pain.

    Now using the wheelchair stall in the bathroom or taking up the HC parking spot is another matter altogether. These people should be put down.
    well said
    Donnie: Dr. Xiao, What are your thoughts on a cure/combination therapy for SCI's??
    CG Xiao: Donnie, I don't want to disappoint you, but I think it is impossible to restore the continuity of the cord or "bridge the gap" in the near future, let's say: 50 years. Dr Wise Young has been my most respected scientist in SCI. He has dedicated and contributed to SCI no other can match.

  6. #76
    "Despite her inauspicious start, Harilyn, now 66, is a powerhouse. She's a founding mother of the women's disability rights movement in the US. She created the Networking Project for Disabled Women and Girls, a national model. She's a former commissioner with the NYC Commission on Human Rights. She's a psychotherapist, an educator, a painter, and filmmaker. She lives in a rent-controlled Greenwich Village apartment that lots of New Yorkers would kill for, and she's in a decades-long relationship with a non-disabled man.

    Sounds inspiring, right? Not so fast. Don't Call Me Inspirational: A Disabled Feminist Talks Back is the title of her new memoir, just released by Temple University Press."
    "The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” ~Carlos Castaneda

  7. #77


    That guys girlfriend is kinda hot in a hippy-dippy, new age, kind of way.

  8. #78
    Well, I've read this whole thread before posting, and now am afraid to gripe and say what I sometimes feel..... I am to be a phycology major, someone who forgives and understands human failings, and more importantly knows and understands myself better than anything! And then, and only then, can I open my mouth to the intelligent, well educated people that say dumb shit things to me. I give a by youir leave to children, children are just honest and curious, then there are the ignorant. It gets harder, but I can over look them too. But when it comes to the well educated, I know I should'nt assume, but, here I go! I assume they have the common sense to know what I'm going through. Just by being smart enough to use their imaginations! I would think they would be smart enough to just keep their mouths shut if they don't understand me, my wheel chair, my walker, or the scooter at the Walmart! But no.....I get dirty looks at the store, and I'm pretty sure they think they know me.

    Why is it people assume you are mooching off the government!? No, I don't have a retirement, and no, I don't have a kick ass savings account either. We raised three kids, sent two to college, and paid off a lot of bills. I went back to school and got my high school diploma and on from there getting a certificate for accounting and related courses so I could make more money and work smarter, not harder. And it was helping, but I worked all of my life, whether it was home babysitting when I could or the last over twenty years before sci at a job outside of the home. I worked......I earned the ssdi check I get. I had to take the certificate and not go on for the degree where I would have made even more money. I hate being "retired", I would rather be working, and yet, I get cracks...and usually from the better educated of us....about how "nice" it must be to be staying at home now! Just dripping in sarcasm! REALLY!?? REALLY!!??

    Was I like that?? I don't think mother taught us to be kind and thoughtful of others, with or without a disability. With a disability, you were'nt to stare and do help them....if needed. Speak with respect to everyone.....especially your elders. And, very important, mind your own business! Do not judge others, you have to walk a mile in their shoes before you can voice your own opinion, and that one I did'nt "get" until I was older. But now, I'm to take it even farther as a sci, and keep my mouth shut when crap comes out of people's mouths!

    Well, I do, or I try to, most of the time. But there are just times when the pain level is too high, or there have been too many dumb things said in one day, and I end up letting someone have it! lol My son can usually tell when Ive had enough. I think some of the ones that bother me the most is the educated people I know that assume I am very happy to be at home recieving ssdi, instead of working everyday! Wrong! I hate staying home everyday! I am not an inspiration! What I make is none of your business, unless I choose to talk about it! How often I go, and how I go to the bathroom is none of your business. How I do anything personal! Sometimes I can't believe the things people ask you!

    And being right handed, I know what Betheny is going through when someone is dumb enough to comment on how well you do things with it now. Hello! I'm right handed! I need my right hand! My left isn't much better, and it does'nt take the place of my right hand! It breaks my heart to not be able to write or sew the same way I use to......

    Shit people say to the can be hard to take. I understand we should not get upset and say mean things back to them, but it can be hard at times, and we do. I do. If you don't, you're a better person than me! Nothing they say pretaining to sex or money is appropriate! Nothing! Before sci, no one walked up to me and asked some of the questions or made some of the remarks that are made to me now. When I first mentioned it to my family, I really don't think they believed me, until it happened with my son around. I had to strong arm him! LOL He could'nt believe that strangers would actually say things, ask personal things to me. And I just love the ones that start to wheel my chair while they tell me I'll get better soon, like they did, if I just work hard at it! lol Interesting concept! I'll have to inform my doctors of that! My son just about freaked when one time we were checking out at a store and someone just assumed I needed help out the door and started wheeling me away! That has happened to me more than once, and I think it's almost worse than the dumb things people can say. It can be scary.....

  9. #79
    Senior Member anban's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Gold Beach, Oregon
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny View Post
    Most of those bs comments I can shine right on. Asking if you get SSI is WAY out of line, and what I'm ranting about. Maybe I'm oversensitive but I think that's ppl assuming you're a leech on society.

    At best, it is wayyyy inappropriate to ask strangers about their income!
    I agree. I was probably most offended when a clerk at the store said, "That will be on your Oregon Trail (food stamp) card?" Just ASSUMING a person in a chair was on food stamps pissed me off, even there are obviously many many diverse people on this program...but I'm not one of them. I wanted to tell him, "No. I GIVE food stamps to people at my JOB where I earn twice what you make, you assuming turd!"
    But I was nice and just told him it was on my debit card.

  10. #80
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Orlando, FL
    I vote we all stop being nice after someone treats us like any one of these scenarios. It seems we're all, myself included, too afraid of coming off as nasty and bitter.

    Maybe if we start to "educate" them, the process will start to pay itself forward.
    Rollin' since '89. Complete C8

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