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Thread: Shit people say to the disabled

  1. #281
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    Quote Originally Posted by baldfatdad View Post
    New one to me. A woman came up to us at bike week and started to tell us about her niece who has a "deficiency". Then just wore the word out. Deficiency this, deficiency that, geez. But then we saw a guy with a T-shirt that said "Fuck you, I got enough friends." I got to get one of those.
    Don't you know that you have a deficiency, too? I mean, you're practically related.
    Rollin' since '89. Complete C8

  2. #282
    Quote Originally Posted by msummer99 View Post
    The worst thing anyone can say is a sentence with the word 'inspirational' in it.
    Ding Ding Ding! The winner of the $64,000 prize is...

    Bleh, anyway - it really makes me want to vomit when I hear "inspirational" and anything related to me in the same sentence. It's somehow an "inspiration" to people that I'm not an emotional black hole of dysfunction and despair. Somehow "inspirational" because I happen to do the same things anyone else does ("Oh wow! She's pumping gas into her car all by herself! What an inspiration!". It truly makes me want to vomit.

    People don't get it. It is not inspirational that I choose to live my life. I'm like anyone else - nothing is special about me aside from the hunk of titanium I'm glued to. It doesn't help though that much of the 'community' of SCI folks (and I'm probably going to upset a few of you by saying this) plays up this 'inspiration' thing. A huge chunk of SCI folks seem to be motivational speakers and really play up that whole 'inspiration' thing. So we won't be rid of it until the community itself stops embracing and promoting this aspect...
    Andria - T6/7 Transverse Myelitis - My Chariots: Ki Tsunami Titanium w/ Spinergy SPOX, Jay J2 Seatback, Jay J3 cushion | 2002 Mercedes E55 AMG, Brilliant Silver, Autoadapt Menox control, hard-wired Valentine 1

  3. #283
    Senior Member flying's Avatar
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    When someone calls me inspirational, I usually tell them "so are you". It works best if you know the person a little bit. If there a little older, you can say " look at you so beautiful and together as you age' or " look how well you are doing after that divorce", or look how beautiful you keep this yard, what an inspiration you are. You just get a funny look, and then they go on talking about themselves. After all we are all inspirational in one way or another, just living this life and surviving, and sometimes thriving is a small miracle in itself IMO. Valleygirl, give it a try and let me know how it goes.
    T12L1 Incomplete Still here This is the place to be 58 years old

  4. #284
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    Quote Originally Posted by ValleyGirl View Post
    A huge chunk of SCI folks seem to be motivational speakers and really play up that whole 'inspiration' thing. So we won't be rid of it until the community itself stops embracing and promoting this aspect...
    Actually, most cripples feel the same way you do. There *are* a number of folks who do the motivational speaker thing, but the percentage is pretty low.
    Don - Grad Student Emeritus
    T3 ASIA A 26 years post injury

  5. #285
    Valley Girl - I agree with you - maybe not harboring any negativity towards others, I usually blow it off and say the things that flying does. But I think I on your lines to myself ( and now with all the internet ! ). Well written.

    I saw a colleague I hadn't seen in 10 years at the local grocery store and I think that just the fact that I was out made him comment how good I looked. I was just buying some groceries at a supermarket for gosh sake. I tried to tell him how good he looked but he had gained a LOT of weight in 10 years - I couldn't get the words out - it was awkward ….

  6. #286
    Don't think I've posted this, this is more non verbal communication and just kind of funny. Shortly after my accident I was outside my house getting on a Metro Mobility van. My neighbor was outside and saw me and waved. I waved backed with my quad fist. My neighbor seeing my fist, closes his hand into a fist and gave like a "right on" type fist shake. I got a little laugh out of it.

  7. #287
    When using a manual wheelchair and a random stranger tells you that you need to get an electric/powered wheelchair.

  8. #288
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    I think the strangest thing is not what people say, but being patted on the head, or someone leaning on your chair while waiting in line somewhere. I hardly ever use my wheelchair, but that has happened almost every time.

  9. #289
    I have started emulating my hero Brian and now just cath into the urinal if the HC stall is full. Did it at work last week, it was awesome to see the guys face when he came out of the stall. As for basically this whole thread I am with you Stephen, people say stupid shit, sometimes because they are asses, sometimes because they are trying to be funny, sometimes because they are just stupid. If it tweaks you out, it is more on you than them.

    Oh yeah and Donno is fucking hilarious.

    Quote Originally Posted by stephen212 View Post
    I'm largely immune to people's questions and comments, not all of which I necessarily find offensive or off-putting. If you get upset by these things -- and, sorry, there is choice in the matter -- you're going to be in for a very long and bumpy ride. People are people and that includes us. Shit is dripping out of peoples' mouths constantly. When are you/we going to stop paying such close attention? When are you/we going to decide not to be anticipating and ready to pounce at the next perceived insult? It's not healthy to be a half-picked scab ready to be peeled raw again by someone's less-than-enlightened or flat-out idiotic remark. Besides, are we all SO sensitive to and SO informed about other peoples' suffering? Hey, not to go full-on Buddhist here, but cultivating self-compassion (first) and then compassion for those we deem benighted helps ease the suffering (ours first, then theirs). Suffering is a psychological add-on to genuine pain.

    Now using the wheelchair stall in the bathroom or taking up the HC parking spot is another matter altogether. These people should be put down.

  10. #290
    yeah, often its not what people say its what they assume or yeah make some physical action that just isnt appropriate....for me I FUCKING HATE having someone make an assumption and then give me advice based on that stupid assumption....lol, so umm that is what people say??...ah jeez...you get my drift though.

    Oh I get this one: "Can you feel your legs?"...they seem to assume that since you use a wheelchair that automatically means you must be paralysed, well no actually.

    Also, i detest running into old acquaintances or even cousins etc. and having to explain my situation again and again, its like they have the memory of a goldfish and automatically forget. I might print up a flyer I reckon with these bullet points

    *I am now in a wheelchair I used to walk with difficulty, now I use a wheelchair
    *I can feel full sensation in my legs
    *I get hard ons
    *Yes, that is my wife NOT my carer, we fuck often
    *I can drink and am not on medication
    *I am capable of sound reasoning...except if you shit me.
    "The problem with self improvement is knowing when to quit." "Diamond" David Lee Roth.

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