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Thread: Shit people say to the disabled

  1. #11
    Senior Member Wesley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    the comments don't bother me. What I can't shake is the look that some (I think) Middle Eastern, South Asian shopping tourists give me at the megamall. It's a combination of contempt and revulsion. They have no problems staring.

    I'm no brad pitt, but geeze. I avoid going there when it's busy and full of bargain hunting foreigners. I know I should have a thicker skin, gimp 101 is just get on with your life. But, I'm still going to avoid being uncomfortable if I can help it.

  2. #12
    Oh that's a good one. 1st solo trip out of rehab to get a CT scan at a nearby hospital. I'm such a noob I'm still dripping behind my ears. Other guy in room is injured 6 mo's, quad gunshot black kid.

    Receptionist (I'll call her R) Snaps gum rolls eyes, hands us both pens and clipboards.

    Me: (Confusion. Shrug. Put pen in mouth and try to fill out paperwork LOL. NOT legible.)

    Other guy (I'l call him OG although he's maybe 23) Ma'am, I can't fill this out. I'm a quadriplegic and my hands don't work.

    R: Shrugs, snaps gum.

    Me: Still w/ the mouth pen.

    Some time later...

    R: Are you 2 finished w/ your paperwork.

    Me: Nod proudly. I have indeed scribbled illegibly all over paper w/ my mouth.

    OG: No ma'am. My hands don't work.

    R: Audible sigh of disgust. Shrug. It's not like she really gives a shit, obvs.

    She directs us to the next room. I struggle, between c-collar, ill-fitting loaner chair, v. weak post-sci muscles. OG does pretty well. No C-collar, new chair, clearly worked hard in rehab.

    R looks at OG. He's wearing chains, like the cool black kids of the late-90's to early 2000's did. They aren't long enough to pul over his head. They'll have to be unfastened.

    R: That jewelry has to come off. You can put it in that locker over there.

    OG: I'll need assistance. I'm a quadriplegic. My hands don't work.

    R: (OK, she's over this shit. She is out of there. She has gum to chew and clients to snarl at. Exit stage right.)

    Enter X Ray Tech, aka XRT. Appears to be a pro not some bored gum chewer. Points at OG.

    XRT: Why are you wearing jewelry. It has to come OFF.

    OG: I'l need some help. I'm a quadriplegic. My hands don't work.

    XRT: Heavy sigh. To her credit, she de-chains OG and puts his bling in the locker. Then she blows it completely.

    XRT to OG quite sternly and brooking no more of this needy quad nonsense: Well I certainly hope you can at LEAST get yourself on the TABLE!

    OG:I'll need some help. I'm a quadriplegic. My legs don't work...

    OG was righteous. He had clearly been raised to be mannerly, even to outright idiots.

    Remember, this was my 1st solo outing. I'd been sent from rehab w/ no caths. But I was in a hospital in one of the world's largest medical complexes. How hard could it be? V. hard indeed. They wouldn't give me a cath. In their defense, I coudn't have used it if they had. Such a noob.

    One day, maybe 30 min. that felt like 30 days later, the bus showed up to take us back to rehab. That was my v. 1st case of AD. Turns out you really HAVE to pee.

    Later I went down to the gym. That was the last time I ever saw OG. He was beating the f**k out of EVERYTHING. He was calm on the surface but his pride had taken some hits from some morons that day.

    So this story is about a HOST of idiotic AB's. From the rehab that sent ne w/ no cathing plans to the employees that dealt w/ sci's from tirr at least weekly but likely daily, but still handed us paperwork and told us to climb on tables. It felt like they wanted to put us in our place. They didn't want us getting uppity. We were quads, 2nd class citizens, and the sooner we learned the better. I think they did teach OG to keep his temper for the gym. I'm stubborn as a goat though. I was already on 1st-name basis w/ the admin at tirr b/c I'd worked in health care all my life. I already kinew "Document, document, document." I'dalready established myself as a squeaky wheel and the admin liked that.I had the name and dept of every idiot I dealt w/ that day. Before closing time the admin at tirr had their names and departments as well

  3. #13
    Moderator jody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    east o the southern warren
    good story B

  4. #14
    When anyone says, "I know how you feel."

  5. #15
    Moderator jody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    east o the southern warren
    people tell me about their ailments. strangers.

    or they ask Whats wrong with your legs? there is the usual can you feel anything down there? I expected my friends to ask about my sexual abilities. not total strangers.

  6. #16
    Senior Member wtf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    silver state
    Thank you so much for that or I would have never found this clip

    I think alot of us are curious, I know I am. If I met this dude, I'd ask him if he took it up the ass.

    As for the original clip, I'd ask that guy if he had some weed.
    A dolla makes me holla, honey boo boo! - borrowed from Honey boo boo child

  7. #17
    Did your husband marry you before or after your injury?

    When i tell them we got married 10 years post injury they act like he is a saint or something. Some people treat him like a hero. It annoys both of us.
    DFW TEXAS- T-10 since March 20th, 1994

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by stephen212 View Post
    I'm largely immune to people's questions and comments, not all of which I necessarily find offensive or off-putting. If you get upset by these things -- and, sorry, there is choice in the matter -- you're going to be in for a very long and bumpy ride. People are people and that includes us. Shit is dripping out of peoples' mouths constantly. When are you/we going to stop paying such close attention? When are you/we going to decide not to be anticipating and ready to pounce at the next perceived insult? It's not healthy to be a half-picked scab ready to be peeled raw again by someone's less-than-enlightened or flat-out idiotic remark. Besides, are we all SO sensitive to and SO informed about other peoples' suffering? Hey, not to go full-on Buddhist here, but cultivating self-compassion (first) and then compassion for those we deem benighted helps ease the suffering (ours first, then theirs). Suffering is a psychological add-on to genuine pain.

    Now using the wheelchair stall in the bathroom or taking up the HC parking spot is another matter altogether. These people should be put down.

    I must be competely unenlightened. The hand job comment about my hand really made me mad. If it had been a friend I would totally have laughed, so context has a lot to do w/ it. If I told a stranger that her missing teeth must make her great at bj's, I wouldn't expect the stranger to be thrilled. After all, she probably liked having teeth for chewing

    The airport example is just something I'm seeing more of as the country becomes ever more polarized. Sheeple are istening to this fox news crap about entitlements and handouts and mark my words-the disabled population is going to catch the brunt of it. The airport guy is the tip of the iceberg on that one. They aren't using common sense. We literally CANNOT go thru the reguar line in security b/c w/chairs are metal. We HAVE to be fondled and groped to clear security. I'm ok w/that. But the sheeple see us going around to the side and assume there is also a limo to take us to the gate. The WSJ comment was from an article about the airport miracles. They are honestly angry b/c they think we're getting something special they aren't. They also think we're getting free $$, that half of us are faking for the big bucks. They're mad that we get bulkhead seating. And yes, they are mad b/c they perceive us having great parking. We need to raise awareness on that one-that we are at high risk of being run over in parking lots.

    Yeah, haters gonna hate, some is stupid, some is funny. But as we all start being perceived as the mythical Caddy-driving Gucci-wearing "welfare queens" of the 90's, I think it's going to be a lot less funny.

    I've never been on this end of manufactured bias before. I've caught crap for being a feminazi before but the ppl saying it didn't know I consider that a badge of honor.

    Being lumped in w/ (a fairy tale group of) entitlement-crazy, lazy, spoiled disability and medicare abusers that are sucking off the govt teat buying diamonds w/ other ppl's hard-earned tax money, are part of the problem, have never worked or tried to work because we're the visible proof of a nation that has been indoctrinated in the belief that we aren't responsible for ourselves, by virtue of having broken our necks...are you comfortable with that? I'm not.

    I was once the subject of an article in the Tulsa newspaper. The point of the article was thaat we were fighting for passage of the CDRPA. It was pretty innocuous. I would have oliked more emphasis on the fact that Sen. Tom Coburn blatantly lied to me, his constituent. The bill had been shot down at the last minute of the last hour of a midnight vote. I wanted to know who killed it. Coburn claimed not to know-but it had been Coburn himself. There could have been discussion of what the bill was and wasn't. Coburn killed it b/c of the Reeve name. He's a zealous anti-choicer and believed that somehow, secretly, the bill would promote research on poor little unborn babies. It didn't. I wasn't wasting my time fighting for esc research in the W years, because W wasn't going to let it happen.

    My stepson turned on the computer and turned white. He conferred w/ my husband. They told me not to read the comments. For years I didn't. When I did it was a mess of ppl criticizing how I was injured (being stupid, I'm the first to say). How I made a iving. How I clearly lived high on the hog on their tax dollars. How much my wheelchair cost, how I paid for it, who paid for my health insurance, how God broke my neck b/c I was a baby-killing heathen...That was 7 years ago. The country is so much more polarized now. We've got an obstructionist legislature doing nothing but spouting off about whatever percentage of U.S. citizens are living off taxes, not paying them.

    I'm saying there is a culture of hatred being manufactured and we disabled folk are the face of it. It's like we all turned another, less popular, race.

    There's the dumb stuff AB's say, always good for a giggle. This airport business is another thing. When a woman states in the WSJ that her son is a quad and they require certain concessions to travel, and another human says "I'm sorry about your son but it's not my problem. I have my own problems"-that indicates to me that the culture is going awry. Compassion is being killed. I really wish in this climate that I didn't have a chair attached to my butt that identifies me as The Problem.

  9. #19
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    North Carolina, USA
    Quote Originally Posted by offroaderswife View Post
    Did your husband marry you before or after your injury?

    When i tell them we got married 10 years post injury they act like he is a saint or something. Some people treat him like a hero. It annoys both of us.
    I feel the same way as a AB wife that married post injury. I hate when they say "I could never do what you do, god bless you". BARF!!!!!!!
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  10. #20

    My comments should not be construed as an argument for political complacency. They were directed to the more innocuous, garden variety remarks that were reflected in the video link posted by the OP.

    There is no denying that there is a societally-ingrained ignorance and belligerence directed toward PWDs and I have no doubt it's getting worse as society becomes increasingly more coarse and self-unaware. Of course we must be alert and vigilant in advocating for our interests. We must also, however, be vigilant to what we allow to penetrate the skin of our personal psyche.
    Last edited by stephen212; 02-28-2013 at 10:39 PM.

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